


Love Like Fools

by assassinslover



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2017-12-26 06:28:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 67,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assassinslover/pseuds/assassinslover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neither Cosima nor her father were looking for anything in the south of France other than some quality time together. Despite her tendency to intimidate people with her intelligence and talk them away from her, Cosima stumbles across the beautiful, scientific Delphine and they instantly have a connection. Cosima's convinced that she's found not only her intellectual equal, but the future mother of her children. Amazingly enough, so has her father -- Delphine's mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Museum

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This wasn't actually my idea. The Australian, as she shall be known, spent the last two hours of my work shift last Saturday weaving this thing out, and then we basically plotted the entire thing out together when I got home, so while I did help with stuff, I can't take credit for the actual idea. But hell has it been fun to write so far. Also, although I doubt this will be a problem in this particular fandom between all the clonecest and "twin connection" being a thing that exists, if not incest incest bothers you at all, please don't comment on it if you decide to read this. At the end of the day, it's Cophine.
> 
> Also thanks to my friend Maddie for writing the summary, because I can't do those.

The trip came as a surprise, but not many other people Cosima's age had the chance to spend an entire summer in France. She hardly knew any of the language, but Europe was exotic, and interesting, and a far cry from Mexico or the occasional trip up to Canada. John dropped it on her a week after school ended. She'd gotten home to a suitcase on her bed with a ticket sat on top of it. Cosima rushed downstairs, excited and giddy.

“Where are we going?” she asked, bouncing on her heels. John leaned back into the sofa, grinning at his daughter.

“Cavalaire-sur-Mer,” he responded. “We're leaving Monday morning, so start getting your stuff packed up to leave. I left a list of the things you'll need on the table by your bed.”

“You're basically the coolest dad ever,” Cosima told him.

“I try,” John said, gently shooing Cosima away. “It'll be educational. Now go start getting ready; you know you're likely to forget something and I want to make sure that we minimize the amount of things you leave behind.” Cosima darted away, hurrying up the stairs. She replaced the list on her side table with her ticket and looked it over. Her dad hadn't forgotten anything. Written down in his neat print were all the things Cosima knew she would have left behind otherwise. She snatched a pen up from her desk and began pulling her clothes out of her wardrobe.

 

Airport security always made Cosima nervous, but having her dad around made it better. Flights, on the other hand, offered a never-ending source of boredom. Despite logically knowing that travelling by plane was the safest way to do so, being stuck in a flying metal box several hundred feet up in the air always made her feel uneasy. John slept through most of it, but the noise from the engines kept waking Cosima up, and whoever was behind her kept grabbing her seat whenever they needed to stand. She read through the entirety of _The French Lieutenant's Woman_ before they reached NYC for their layover, finally catching a couple hours sleep while waiting for the flight across to Paris to begin boarding.

“We can spend some time in Paris, right, Dad?” Cosima asked when they were somewhere over the Atlantic.

“We most certainly can, Cos,” John said. “I have us booked for a week in the city before we head down South. Can I trust you to get around on your own?” Cosima raised a brow, giving her father the best “seriously?” look she could muster.

“Do I look like the kind of teenager who gets themselves into trouble?” she asked. John shrugged and pulled a face.

“Oh, I don't know...” he said.

“Yeah, I'm totally going to smoke a lot of drugs and have tons of sex with hot French boys,” Cosima dead panned. “You know how those museum lovers are.” John chuckled and ruffled Cosima's hair. She pulled away with a grimace, then knocked her dad's hand away, smiling.

“You know the rules, Cos. Keep your phone on you, let me know where you're going and you can do what you want. I still expect to have some father/daughter bonding time, though.”

“You'll get it, jeeze.”

“Don't wanna spend time with your old man?” John asked.

“Shut up,” Cosima replied, rolling her eyes. “I'm trying to read.” John chuckled and pulled his hand away, settling in his seat to sleep.

 

The first thing that Cosima felt when they stepped out of Charles de Gaulle was an almost overwhelming desire to explore. She rolled her suitcase along the floor behind her, trailing after her father to the rows of cabs lined up waiting to take travellers through the city, while her mind struggled to take in all the sights and smells and sounds that assaulted it. All around her people greeted and parted, shouting loudly in French to be heard over the noise of so many other voices in one place. Here and there she caught a word or a phrase, but most of it flew into one ear and circulated as a nonsensical mess in her brain before she instantly forgot it to latch onto the next snippet of conversation.

John snagged a cab, chatting to the driver in quick-paced French while Cosima struggled to get her suitcase into the back, her arms and shoulders straining under its weight. She shouldn't have packed so many books. It was halfway in before John noticed, and laughed at her even while he nudged her out of the way to finish the job.

“We need to work on your French, kiddo,” he said as they got in the back of the car. Cosima rolled her eyes.

“I can ask if someone speaks English and where the bathroom is, do I really need to know anything else?” John chuckled.

“How do you expect to be able to get around the city on your own when you hardly know the language?” he asked. Cosima shrugged.

“I'm a fast learner,” she said, and shot her father a quick smile. He nodded in agreement.

 

“Now, Cos, I know I snore, but you'll only have to put up with it while we're here. I rented us a house for the rest of the trip.” Cosima groaned, throwing herself next to her suitcase on one of the beds in their hotel room.

“But you're so _loud_ ,” she complained, throwing an arm over her face. “At least give me some earplugs or something.” John laughed.

“If I find some, I'll let you know,” he said, patting her leg as he walked past. “Get up, we need to head out for dinner. I made reservations.”

“Good, I'm starving,” Cosima replied and swung to her feet.

She spent a good few minutes staring at her menu trying to figure out what she wanted to eat, continuously asking her father what things meant. Eventually, she gave up, and set her menu down with a groan, leaning back in her seat.

“You order for me,” she said, “you know what I'll eat. _Not. Snails._ Or frog legs. And I want some wine.” John raised a brow. “What?” Cosima asked. “I'm old enough to have a drink and I want one.”

“Yeah, yeah,” John said, shaking his head. “Brat.”

“Says the man who raised me,” Cosima countered.

“Fine, fine. One glass.”

“Two.”

“One and a half.”

“Deal.” John collected their menus and set them to the side while they waited, steepling his fingers on top of the table.

“So, where do you want to go first?” he asked. “I know you were looking at places before we left. You're not going to the Louvre without me.”

“I wouldn't,” Cosima said. “I was thinking about going to the uh... how do you say it, the uh, Cité des Sciences et de l'Industrie.”

“Good pronunciation,” John told her, smiling. “That'll take you a while to get through.”

“Yeah, I figured I would make it a two day adventure, if that's cool.”

“You're free to do what you want, Cos,” John said. “Like I said, just make sure I know where you're at. I think I'll spend some time enjoying the sights. Sip a hot drink outside a café, take a walk along the winding city streets...” He laughed at the look on Cosima's face. “What?”

“Lame,” she teased, and stuck her tongue out.

“Cooler than spending all day at a science museum,” her father shot back. Cosima resisted the urge to throw her napkin at him.

“Two glasses of wine,” she said instead, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

Her alarm went off bright and early the next day. Cosima yawned, stretching her arm out and fumbling for her glasses so she could see to find her phone and shut the noise off. John was already awake, sat up in bed watching TV. He looked over briefly.

“Morning, sleepyhead. Snoring didn't seem to bother you too much last night.”

“Yeah, well,” Cosima grumbled, yawning again, “I didn't exactly sleep much on the way over, did I?”

“All right, all right, don't be so grumpy.” Cosima grunted, standing and stretching her arms over her head.

“Shower,” she said, padding past her father and into the bathroom.

He had coffee ready for her when she finished, patting her hair dry, and hoping that it didn't decide to frizz up. She poured herself a cup gratefully, and even though it wasn't the best she'd had, the taste was familiar and comforting, and the scent banished the traces of sleep that her shower hadn't managed to wash away.

“Museum today?” John asked. Cosima hummed. “You know how to get there?” Another hum. “Are you going to give me an actual answer?”

“Be lucky you're getting anything out of me before I have the right amount of caffeine in my system,” Cosima mumbled. John barked a soft laugh.

“I'll get you a cab, make sure you don't get lost on the way there.” He handed her her share of cash. “Do not lose that.”

“I know how to keep cash, Dad,” Cosima said, rolling her eyes. She set her coffee on the bedside table and hauled her suitcase onto the bed. The top hit the duvet with a soft thump, the lingering scent of Cosima's room and her perfume wafting into the air. She rummaged through her clothes, yanking a skirt and a tank top out of the tight stack of garments and books and electronics, then looked over her shoulder to give her dad a pointed glare. “Are you going to turn around or something?”

“I'm going, I'm going,” John said, patting his hands against the air. “Don't wait too long, there'll be a cab for you soon. Meet back here before dinner?”

“Yeah,” Cosima agreed, holding her clothes to her chest.

“Good. See you then, kiddo.” Cosima smiled, and waited for the door to shut before pulling off her pyjamas to change.

 

Cosima managed to tell the driver her destination in mostly accurate French, apologizing immediately after. Settled in the back seat, she watched the city go buy outside the window, excitement fizzling in her blood. The radio droned in the background, voices softly talking and singing. The noise was a comforting filling for the silence, despite Cosima's poor grasp of the language.

The museum was a wonder. Cosima lingered outside in the crowd of people arriving and leaving and stared, unable to stop a large grin from spreading across her face. _The largest science museum in Europe,_ she thought, and tried not to dance with happiness. An entire day all to herself to explore. No being rushed along by a school group, no strict time limit to meet. Just the absolute freedom to take her time and absorb an entire school year's worth of knowledge.

Her breath left her in a rush when she stepped inside. She could have spent her entire life there. It was loud, full of shouting children and parents scolding them for running off. Cosima followed behind a group of elderly women taking their time meandering through the halls, following through the exhibits in the order that she found them, in a constant state of awe and wonder. There was almost too much for her to take in. Many of the people who passed her only glanced at what they were walking by, though a few lingered and showed the same amount of interest.

She was killing time waiting for the next showing at The Planetarium to start in the Cité des enfants, when she almost walked into someone. Blushing profusely, Cosima began to apologize, first in English before remembering where she was. Her brain whirred, trying to remember the right way to apologize, backing up a few steps to a safe distance away. The person she'd hit, a girl her own age, stared at her, then looked away, turning back to the station she was at. The brief glimpse was enough to rocket her heart into her throat. Cosima tried to ignore the warmth in her face and moved off, her chest tight. She glanced a look over her shoulder, watching the girl again. Her hair, straight and blonde and far nicer than her own, blocked her face from Cosima's view. She sighed, stepping to the side and out of the way of two children and their parents to let them use the station. A voice caught her attention over the noise of children shouting.

“Delphine, c’est un truc d’enfants ça. On peut y aller, maintenant? ”

“Dans une minute, laisse moi finir.” Cosima feigned indifference, feeling bad for eavesdropping, but she was curious, and even though she couldn't understand what they were saying, the blonde sounded reluctant to do whatever it was her friend wanted.

“Claude t’attend dehors avec Alex et Christine. ”

“Cinq minutes!” the girl, Delphine, replied.

“Si tu viens pas maintenant, on part sans toi et tu devras te débrouiller pour rentrer ce soir. On va prendre un verre, Alex connaît ce bar trop cool. ” Cosima watched out of the corner of her eye. Delphine's shoulders rose in a sigh that Cosima couldn't hear, and she stepped away, hands falling to her sides.

“D'accord.” Cosima watched them leave. Delphine paused at the door and glanced over her shoulder, her face covered in disappointment. Her eyes caught Cosima's in their journey across the room. Cosima looked away first, blushing again.


	2. Astronomical Chances

She got back to the hotel before her dad did, and when he finally arrived it was to her laying on her stomach in bed reading. She looked up when the door clicked, and smiled in greeting. John crossed the room to her and smoothed her hair from her forehead, letting his hand rest against her head for a moment.

“Good day?” he asked, sinking onto his own bed with a relieved sigh. Cosima paused, the girl from earlier flitting through her mind again. “Cos?”

“Yeah,” Cosima said, nodding. “Yeah. My feet hurt and I'm starving, can we go eat?”

“Dinner is in an hour,” John said, swinging his legs up onto the bed and turning the TV on. Cosima groaned, but went back to her book, her stomach grumbling in protest of being denied food.

 

Cosima finished her tour of the science museum the next day, leaving before lunch too meet her father at one of the restaurants by the Louvre. She had hoped, foolishly, to meet Delphine again. Paris was a huge city, the chances of her running into the same girl in the same place were slim to none. It still didn't stop her from feeling disappointed. The restaurant they chose was crowded and hot. Being around so many people made Cosima uncomfortable, especially when the French sense of personal space was a lot smaller than her own, even having grown up in San Fran. The gallery itself, when they finally managed to get inside, was fascinating, even though it was packed full with irritating, loud tourists. Cosima stuck close to her dad, glowering at anyone who got too close to her. It was more his cup of tea than hers, anyway, not that Cosima couldn't appreciate fine art.

They spent a day walking around the city. Cosima felt just as touristy as the people at the Louvre had been, stopping every so often to take a picture on her phone to upload to Facebook later. By the end of the day her feet felt like they were about to fall off and her shoulders had tinged pink from being exposed to the sun for so long, but she felt satisfied, her curiosity fed, at least for the moment. Still, when the week ended, she was happy to be able to leave, anticipating spending the rest of the summer reading on the beach.

 

The best part of the house that John had rented out for them was the large room Cosima had all to herself with a view of the beach. It was almost like being back home, but still felt enough like France that the sense of being on vacation hung in the back of her mind. Cosima packed her clothes away in the dresser when they arrived, and set up the wifi before her dad could get his hands on it and mess it up trying to get it working. Cosima wandered the area around the house while he went to buy them food, and found herself walking along the beach, soft sand sifting between her toes.

She couldn't have thought of a better way to spend her summer if she tried. Even advanced biology classes wouldn't have been able to beat laying on the beach with the sun warming her skin and a library worth of books at her fingertips. Even the rain couldn't damper her mood, when it swept across the region, clearing the summer humidity and bringing mornings thick with the fresh scent of it. Occasionally, the girl from the museum passed over Cosima's mind when she caught a glimpse of blonde hair on the street or at the beach. While she spent a good deal of time with John, most of it she spent on her own, walking or reading or sleeping, being the lazy teenager she'd spent years perfecting. When John started spending more of his nights out for dinner, Cosima didn't question, but she was curious. Her dad was being coy, something Cosima wasn't accustomed to seeing.

“Where have you been going out to?” she asked on one of the nights where they were both home, watching some drama on TV. Cosima understood some of what was being said, having absorbed a fair amount of language by simply being in the country, but most of it still went over her head, and it served for nothing more than background noise while she browsed the web.

“Interesting that you should ask me that now, Cosima,” John said. “Very interesting.” Cosima looked up from her laptop, fixing her father with a hard stare.

“Dad, what are you not telling me?” she asked. John rubbed the back of his head, ruffling his fingers through hair that he kept saying needed trimmed, but that he hadn't gotten done.

“I might have... met someone.” Cosima paused, processing.

“Met someone,” she repeated, her voice flat. “Met someone as in like... _met_ someone? Like, _met met_ someone?”

“Okay, stop that. Yes, I met a woman. Her name is Marie, and we're having dinner with her and her daughter tomorrow night.”

“Right,” Cosima said, turning back to her computer. “Right. Marie. Dinner. Okay.” John sighed.

“Cosima...” he started.

“No,” Cosima said, before he could get any further. “Dad, it's fine.” She paused, the silence between them tight with an awkward tension until Cosima spoke again. “So, where did you meet her?”

“In the market,” John replied. “A few weeks ago.”

“Why didn't you say something then?” Cosima asked. She curled her legs up under herself, balancing her laptop on the arm of the sofa to relieve her thighs from the heat it was producing.

“I didn't want to upset you,” John said gently.

“It's not like you're getting married,” Cosima said. “It was almost eight years ago, Dad.”

“I know,” John sighed. “I know.”

“So stop freaking out about it. Okay?”

“Okay.”

 

Cosima picked out her nicest dress. John had kept tight-lipped about Marie and her daughter, revealing nothing more than the fact that her and Cosima were the same age. Cosima suspected that he just didn't know anything more about her, rather than was keeping information from her. She wanted to make a good impression. She had a feeling that she was more nervous about the dinner than her father was. He kept badgering her to hurry up while she was getting ready, knocking on the door and shouting at her from the living room. She rolled her eyes each time, telling him she'd be ready in a few minutes. Finished with her make-up, she slipped her glasses back on and gave herself a once over in the mirror. She needed new glasses, something other than the thing, round frames she had, but otherwise she thought she looked pretty decent. John was sitting on the sofa when she left her room, almost as tall as him in her heels.

“I'm ready,” she announced.

“Finally,” John said, clicking the TV off. “We're going to be late if we don't go.”

“Relax,” Cosima said, rolling her eyes and following him out of the house. “We're leaving, it's fine.” They took a cab up into the town, but when Cosima went to walk into the restaurant, John stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“I said we'd meet them out here,” he explained, dropping his hand to straighten his coat.

“Dad, chill out,” Cosima said with a chuckle. “You've already gotten us all together for dinner. I hardly think you need to worry about impressing her at this point.”

“Right, of course,” John replied, shaking up his sleeve to check his watch. “They should be here in a few minutes.” Cosima shifted her weight to one leg, running her fingers through her hair and habitually checking her phone, bringing up a game to play until she heard her father clear his throat and felt him straighten next to her. Cosima slipped her phone into her bag and looked up, a smile of greeting twitching at her lips.

The expression froze on her face. Standing a few paces behind whom Cosima assumed was Marie was _her._ Delphine. The girl from the museum. She was watching their parents, tucking her hair behind her ear and stepping forward to greet John with a kiss to either cheek. She noticed Cosima a few seconds later, her eyes widening briefly in response. Cosima stared, distantly aware that she was all but gaping. She hadn't thought it was possible for someone to look so attractive, but Delphine was living proof, in a slim dress with her hair brushing against her shoulders and her head tilted curiously to the side. Her father's voice pulled her out of her daze.

“Marie, this is Cosima.” Marie pulled Cosima in with a light touch to her arm. Cosima only barely managed to return her greeting kiss. “Cosima, this is Marie, and Delphine, of course.” Delphine stepped past her mother and gently took Cosima's hand.

“Enchantée,” she said. Cosima felt herself smile, lightly gripping Delphine's fingers.

“Hi,” she said automatically.

“Shall we, ladies?” John asked, motioning to the building. Marie looped her arm around his elbow, leaving Cosima and Delphine to trail along behind them.

 

Their parents chatted easily in-between bites of food, but Delphine looked lost. She ate quietly, her gaze flicking back and forth from John to her mother then back again, occasionally flitting over to Cosima. When it did, Cosima glanced away, looking down at her plate or reaching for her wine to give her something to concentrate on to keep her face from burning. It was hard to do when every look Delphine gave her made her heart thud loudly. Delphine picked at her food, quiet and reserved.

“So...” Cosima started, drawing her attention. She looked up, brows raised in question. “Do you guys live around here?”

“No,” Delphine replied. “We're on holiday. We live outside Paris.”

“It's weird how that happens, isn't it?” Cosima asked, gesturing with her fork. “I mean out of all the people who live in Paris alone, and all the people and families who were at the museum that day, like, the chances of us meeting up again are astronomical. I mean, it's just a totally crazy coincidence that you guys are here at the same time we are and that our parents just happened run into each other. Like, just. Wow, you know?” Delphine was frowning lightly at her, a cute line denting the skin between her brows. Cosima cleared her throat and looked away.

“You speak very fast,” Delphine said.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Cosima mumbled, sipping her wine to hide her embarrassment.

“It's okay,” Delphine replied, and offered a small smile as an apology. Cosima tried to ignore her sweaty palms.

 

The four of them met up once more after the dinner. The affair was less formal, a final brunch before the train back up to Paris. Cosima tried to keep her staring at Delphine to a minimum, looking as inconspicuous as she could muster while still snatching glances of the blonde out of the corner of her eye. She was friendly enough, but, as Cosima had discovered, her English wasn't as good as her mother's, and even though Cosima tried to slow down the rate at which she talked, she always ended up saying too much too quickly and would lose Delphine halfway through her rant, only to trail off and sit in an awkward silence until one of the adults said something to them.

The departure from France brought the inevitable dread of going back to school. Cosima didn't hate it, exactly, but senior year meant college and she was not equipped to handle the levels of stress that was going to bring on, even though she'd known for years where she wanted to go and what she wanted to major in. She put preparing for school off, distracting herself from the end of summer blues by ignoring her suitcase in favour of stretching out on her bed with her iPod hooked up to her speakers, browsing through the photos she had taken on the trip.

Most were of the beach, or of the house when the sunlight filtering through the windows was too pretty for Cosima to not try and capture. The rest were all of places around the town, and around Paris, and several amusing ones of her father sleeping in weird places or acting like an idiot. The last few towards the end of the collection were what drew Cosima's attention most. There were only a couple, Cosima too awkward to ask and not wanting to offend, but she'd managed to take two. Two pictures of Delphine. She stared at them, drumming her fingers against her chin. The chance that they had met a second time was slim enough without hoping for another.


	3. One Month Later

**One month later**

 

“Cos?” John called from downstairs. Cosima paused her music, and shouted back,

“Yeah?”

“Come down here. We need to talk.” Cosima hated that phrase. It didn't matter who said it, or how they said it, or what context it was in, it always made her stomach squirm and her chest tighten with nervousness. She left her laptop and padded softly down the stairs, poking her head around the corner into the living room, where John was sat on the sofa. He pointed to the armchair on the other side of the table. “Sit.” Warily, Cosima stepped into the room and curled up in the chair, wrapping her arms around her knees.

“What's up?” she asked. John sighed, and leaned forward, pressing his fingertips together.

“We need to talk,” he repeated. _Oh shit,_ Cosima thought, trying to look innocent. _He found my weed. Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Shit._

“What about?”

“Do you remember those women in France?” Cosima let out the breath she was holding in a woosh of air, muffled against the fabric of her jeans. _Thank god._

“Yeah,” she replied. “What about them?”

“Well, Marie and I have been keeping in touch since we left... and we've arranged for them to come and stay with us for a while.” Them, he said. Them. That meant Delphine, too. Her heart fluttered with excitement.

“How long is a while?” she asked.

“A few weeks,” John replied. “Maybe a bit longer, depending.”

“Depending on what?” Her father cleared his throat, glancing away. “What aren't you telling me?”

“Nothing. It depends on how long Delphine can be away from school for.”

“Right,” Cosima said. “When are they coming?”

“A week from Monday.”

“What happened to you like, giving me prior warning?” Cosima asked. “First the trip, and then the dinner thing, and now this.”

“I thought you liked surprises,” John said. “I've already talked to school, so you won't have to go while they're here. You can keep Delphine company.”

“While you two go off and like, pretend to not like each other?”

“No, because it'll be better for both of you to hang out with someone your own age.”

“Can you not spring stuff like this on me any more?” Cosima said. “I'm going to have a heart attack.” John laughed and got to his feet.

“Very funny, Cosima.” He patted her shoulder on his way past to the kitchen. “I'll call you when dinner is ready.”

“Where is she going to stay?” Cosima shouted after him.

“Your room,” John replied. “Marie will stay in the guest room. Delphine doesn't want to share.” _Shit._

 

Cosima passed the week in a state of constant anticipation. It left Scott doing even more of their lab work in biology, not that he seemed to care, and even if he did, he'd never been able to say “no” to Cosima, and it was his grade on the line as well. She'd kept the photos she'd taken of Delphine from him, though, not wanting to watch him drool over her like he did a few of their classmates. Her dad had only caught sight of them once, and the speed with which Cosima had hidden them from his gaze had been embarrassing.

The Saturday before they were due to arrive, John went on a cleaning spree so intense that Cosima avoided as much contact with him as she possibly could, lest she get roped into cleaning up her room for the third time in as many days. She'd been doing her best to keep her room from degrading back into its near permanent state of disarray, and aside from the occasional skirt that got thrown onto the floor when she was dressing for school in the morning, she thought she'd been doing a pretty good job. It was hardly going to stay clean anyway with two teenage girls inhabiting it. She was left with the responsibility of blowing up the air mattress for Delphine to sleep on. Cosima stared at it after kicking it into a spot where she wouldn't be tripping over it with every other step, brushing her hair away from her forehead, and wondered how the hell her father expected her to be able to sleep with a girl that attractive sharing the same space.

Cosima's nervousness matched her father's while they waited in the international arrivals lobby for the two women to finish customs. He saw them first, his greater high giving him the advantage of being able to look over the heads of most of the people crowded by the door. Cosima trailed behind in his wake, following closely to the path he cleared, and held back while he greeted Marie with a kiss and a swift hug. They moved out of the way to give the people steadily pouring from the doors room to walk. Cosima leaned to the side, trying to find Delphine.

The blonde looked tired, standing behind her mother with a carry bag slung over her shoulder. She smiled in greeting when she saw Cosima, a small turn of her lips, and raised a hand in hello. Cosima waved back awkwardly, well aware of the fact that she was grinning like a fool. Delphine pushed past her mother when she was given the chance, touching her lips to both Cosima's cheeks.

“Hello,” she said when she pulled away.

“Hello. Hi,” Cosima replied, her skin tingling.

“Ladies,” John said, “let's go find your luggage.”

 

Having Delphine sleeping in her room was just as distracting as Cosima had imagined it would be. She wasn't loud, or purposefully intrusive, but she _was_ intruding. Cosima's room was her space, tailored to her interests and from what she could tell, Delphine's interests lay more in the direction of boys and pop culture, save for that chance meeting in the museum that neither of them spoke about. On top of it all, John kept acting oddly. Cosima knew her father, and knew something was up, but whenever she tried to breach the subject, he would avoid it, or tell her to go find Delphine and ask her what she wanted for dinner, or tell her to get ready so they could go out.

The end of the week was the worst. She could barely get one word into her father he was so on edge, and Delphine had spent most of the day trying to catch up with her friends, leaving Cosima alone to sulk about the house trying to find a place to sit and read that wasn't full of anxious fathers and teenagers chatting noisily in French while she waited until it was time to get dressed for the night out. That, at least, was something she wouldn't have to do around Delphine. The blonde woke before she did, showering and dressing before Cosima had so much as rolled out of bed.

Something in the atmosphere changed on the drive into the city. Cosima had never been to the restaurant John had chosen for them to eat at, but she knew its reputation, and it sent her mind whirring with curiosity. He had something up his sleeve, and Cosima wanted to know what it was. She knew better than to ask, but made a mental note to remember to scold him for keeping things from her again.

“Dad,” she said when they were talking into the building, tugging on the sleeve of his coat. “Why are we eating here? Isn't this place super expensive? The kind of expensive that's reserved for special occasions? Like, _really_ special occasions?” John grinned and hugged her to his side, rubbing her shoulder.

“You'll see,” he replied. Cosima frowned.

“That is not an answer,” she said. “You're deflecting. Stop doing that and tell me why we're here.”

“You'll see,” John repeated, releasing her from the embrace.

 

Will you marry me were four words that Cosima had never expected to hear out of her father's mouth. Ever. Yet there he was, on one knee, holding up a rather impressive ring and gazing at Marie with the most hopeful look on his face. Marie had her hands over her mouth, with her eyes shimmering with tears, nodding wordlessly. _What?_ Cosima thought, staring at the two of them. _What._ Mouth agape, she tore her gaze away and found Delphine, staring at their parents with her eyes wide and her jaw tight. She looked horrified. Cosima dropped her fork to her plate, the dessert she'd ordered suddenly unappetizing. Delphine felt her stare and met it for a brief second before mumbling something that sounded vaguely like needing the restroom, standing and swiftly navigating her way through the tables and waiters and out of sight around the corner.

“Cosima?” John asked. “Are you okay?” Cosima dragged her eyes away from Delphine's empty seat and forced a smile on her face.

“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, this is great, Dad. Congrats.” She wished they were back in France, where having an entire bottle of wine to herself was something perfectly normal and not at all illegal.

“Where is Delphine?” Marie asked, dabbing at her eyes with the corner of her napkin.

“Bathroom,” Cosima mumbled, turning her gaze down to her plate and poking at the ice cream slowly melting on it with her spoon. When Delphine returned several minutes later, her mouth was still pulled taut with tension, and Cosima could see her teeth grinding in the flexing of her jaw beneath her skin, but she put on a smile and kissed her mother on the cheek. Cosima avoided looking at her the rest of the night, nausea swirling threateningly in her stomach.

Delphine was calling her friends on Skype before Cosima had even gotten in the door. She pulled her heels off her feet with a tired sigh. It was several minutes before Delphine's ranting settled, and she realized that she wasn't alone in the room. The glance that she sent Cosima was brief and not quite apologetic. At least she'd had the decency to put headphones in, sparing Cosima from listening to her friend talk back at her through Skype's crackly connection. Cosima stretched out on her bed, knocking her glasses onto her forehead with a sigh and draping her arms over her eyes. Delphine didn't speak to her for several minutes.

“Do you think they planned this?” she asked. Cosima shrugged.

“Dad's been acting weird for a while now.”

“Maman, too.”

“They had to have. There's tons of visa shit to go through. Dad doesn't do things like this without being prepared.” She received a hum in response. A moment later she heard the rustle of clothing and a soft huff of breath, followed by her door opening and closing, leaving her alone to painfully puzzle over how the hell she was supposed to deal with everything building up in her chest.

 

Everything changed all at once. Cosima found herself being dragged around looking for a house that could comfortably fit the four of them, and all of their belongings. She'd been right in her assumption that it her father had planned everything. Cosima and Delphine had been sat down in the kitchen the day after the proposal, where John and Marie explained that they had already started submitting the required forms for Delphine and Marie to make the move over to the Sates to live with them. To say Delphine was livid was an understatement. Cosima was more annoyed than she was angry, but she understood. It wasn't her life being completely torn up by its roots, and Delphine was as powerless to stop it as Cosima was. She didn't know what conversations took place between Delphine and her mother, but her own interactions with John were awkward and tense.

He pulled her aside one night before she could escape upstairs. Cosima rolled her eyes, scowling, sure that she was going to be asked _again_ for her opinion on which of the two houses the adults were deciding between Cosima liked more, even though she'd already given an answer several times, and she was sure they'd already picked one. John sat her down on the sofa and sunk down next to her, draping an arm over her shoulders to pull her against his side.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I should have spoken to you about it first.”

“You think?” Cosima said flatly, staring straight ahead.

“I know she's not a replacement for your mother, and I'm not asking you to think of her as one, but...” John sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Cosima bit her lip, and squeezed her eyes shut for a brief second.

“You're happy, right?” she asked. Her father nodded. “That's all that matters then.” She hit his thigh and wiggled out of his embrace, getting to her feet. “Next time tell me, okay? 'Cos throwing this kind of stuff at me is totally unfair.”

“I will,” John said, smiling at her. “Now, tell me which house you like more.” Cosima groaned and shook her head, hurrying back upstairs with her father's laugher following her.

 

Sharing a room with Delphine was made all the harder by the now imminent wedding. Cosima was familiar with blurred lines, but she was pretty sure that it was in no way acceptable to find her soon to be step-sister so terribly attractive. It was easier when they finally left, leaving Cosima and her father alone in a house full of boxes. The move consumed most of her time, and what it didn't fill school did. She buried herself in her work. She caught the occasional snippet of phone or Skype conversations, saw all the paperwork spread across the table, and tired to deal with the sense of dread that sat heavily in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't understand anything her father and Marie were saying, but occasionally she caught Delphine's name crackling through the speakers, and very rarely heard the blonde's voice distantly echo in response to something Marie had asked.

Boxes began to show up on their doorstep, only to be shoved away with the rest in the large piles that littered the living room. Most of Cosima's things were packed already, the sea of brown flooding her normally colourful room a constant reminder of everything that was going on, despite Cosima's attempts to bury her head in the sand. The only glimpse of Delphine she saw was when she was wrestled into joining a call between John and Marie so Marie could make her final decision concerning dressed. Delphine was sulky, busy texting on her phone while her mother poked at her dress, letting her go a few minutes later and thanking Cosima for her time.

The move came before Cosima was even remotely ready for it. Most of the boxes from France had arrived, with a few pieces of furniture, with Marie and Delphine on their way over a day later with the rest of their things. Cosima was exhausted by the time the day was over, collapsing back at the old house on her bed in a room devoid of almost everything else. She slept fitfully, unable to help the anticipation she felt at seeing Delphine again in the morning, and her father's snores echoed loudly from down the hall without all of their furniture to block the sound waves before they reached her door.

 

“How come _she_ gets the bigger room?” Cosima whined, scowling at her father. John rolled his eyes without so much as looking up from the box he was searching through before carrying it down the hall.

“They're the same size, Cosima, you just have more stuff than Delphine does. Stop complaining and go get the last box from by the door, I think it's yours.” Cosima hardly had time to breathe between the unpacking and arranging of furniture, dress rehearsals and dinner rehearsals and parties and celebrations. Delphine seemed to be handling it better than she was, but she didn't have to deal with trying not to stare whenever they were in the same room, and she didn't have school work on top of everything else. She was polite when Cosima spoke to her, but hardly said anything. With nothing besides the move to occupy her time, she would sit and sulk when she thought no one was looking, and spent a lot of her time in her room, saying she still had boxes to unpack. Cosima didn't bother trying to get more from her, as busy as she was with everything else. Occasionally, though, Cosima thought she could hear her crying through the wall their rooms shared.


	4. Homesick

Delphine pushed Claude away with a frown. He sighed and sunk back into his seat, resting his hands against the steering wheel. Delphine wiped at the corner of her mouth where his kisses had smudged her lipstick, then crossed her arms tightly over her chest, staring out the car window.

“What's wrong?” Claude asked after a minute.

“What do you think is wrong?” Delphine asked sharply without bothering to look over. “My entire life has just been completely fucked up.”

“If you want to stay so badly then why don't you go live with your dad?” Claude asked, sounding as annoyed as Delphine felt.

“He doesn't have time to look after anyone but himself,” Delphine explained. “You know that.” Claude sighed again, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “How can you be so calm about this? I'm going to be thousands of miles away from you and Alex and Claire and Christine and all you can do is sit there and tell me to stop complaining.”

“I never said that,” Claude said.

“You might as well have,” Delphine replied. She heard the fabric of the seat pull as he shifted a moment later, kissing her jaw and her neck. Delphine sighed, and tried to relax into the touch, but when his hand dropped to her chest, her annoyance flared again and she shoved his chest. “Just take me home.” He huffed out a disbelieving laugh.

“Seriously? We're not going to be able to see each other before you leave, you know that, right?”

“I said take me home, Claude,” Delphine growled. Claude sighed, irritation radiating off him in waves, but started the car, and backed out of the parking space. The ride was tense and awkward. Delphine's jaw was tight, her back teeth clenching and scraping in anger and irritation. She left with a terse goodbye, ignoring his try for a kiss. The tires on the car squealed as he drove off.

Marie was Skyping with John when she got in. Delphine could hear his baritone vibrating through the air from the kitchen. The conversation stopped when Delphine shut the front door behind her. She heard Marie tell him to wait, followed by the sound of her name.

“Delphine, is that you?”

“Yes,” Delphine replied, trying to make it upstairs before her mother could corner her. She wasn't so lucky.

“I thought you would be out later,” Marie commented. “Where's Claude?” Delphine paused halfway up the stairs, and half turned with a shrug.

“He's not staying tonight,” she said.

“Oh,” Marie replied, nodding slowly. “Well, make sure you pack up the last of your things before you sleep, since you're home,” she continued, walking off.

“Okay,” Delphine replied to the empty air, trudging the rest of the way to her room. Only days ago she'd hardly been able to move for all the boxes that packed their small house, but now her room was a skeleton of what it once was. There was hardly anything to pack; just the essentials that she'd left out to take with her on the flight. Delphine stepped out of her shoes with a sigh, and dropped her bag on the floor.

She wanted her mother to be happy. There was nothing wrong with John. He was certainly nicer than Delphine's own father. Cosima was... interesting, for lack of a better descriptor. She was just as kind as her father, but a bit weird, Delphine thought, and she spoke so quickly about such complicated things that Delphine had trouble following what it was she was saying, and spent half of their conversations feeling completely lost. Delphine just wished that her entire life didn't have to be uprooted for her mother to find peace. She loved France, and their house, and her school, and her friends. She didn't want to leave them behind to live with people she hardly knew.

Delphine threw herself onto her bed. There was a new one waiting for her in her new home in California. Hers would be given away to charity when they left. Delphine buried her face in her pillow with a soft groan. The only positive was not having to be _in_ school for the foreseeable future, but even that would be short lived once they were settled in.

The departure was a tearful one. There was no time before the flight to say her goodbyes, so they came in the form of a night out with Delphine downing more drinks than she could remember ever having had at one time. She was hungover in the morning, feeling sick and sensitive to everything with Marie all but walking her through the airport and security and the terminal. She caught a precious hour of sleep before the flight boarded, but the noise on the plane was too loud for her aching head to ignore. The trip felt like a lifetime. Delphine was relieved to have solid ground beneath her feet again, even if it meant the end of her old life, and it was refreshing to see familiar faces. Cosima's smiles had a way of cheering up everyone around her, and to see it directed at her eased someone of the pain she still felt.

 

She missed home. The house and neighbourhood were nice, and Cosima and John were lovely, lovely people, but she wanted her own house back, and her own room, and bed, and friends. Cosima tried to include her, but Delphine just wanted to be left alone to sulk and mope, and wish she was out with her friends instead of waiting for them to get on Skype. The chaos that the move brought was enough to let her fall to the sidelines, at least for a while, but it didn't provide any distraction at night, when she lay in bed feeling like there was a gaping hole in her chest, and yearning for the town she'd spent her life in.

The wedding was upon them faster than Delphine could fathom. It was small, and private. One of Marie's friends flew over, completing a party that consisted of the bride and groom, a friend of John's, and Cosima and herself. Marie looked gorgeous in her dress, tearing up while her and John exchanged vows. She stood at her mother's side, sharing glances with Cosima. She looked different without her glasses. The intensity of the stares that Delphine occasionally caught her giving were amplified by their absence. She was smiling, but looked like she was about to be sick. Delphine shared her unease.

The reception after was the only reprieve. With all the adults well on their way towards intoxication, there was no one to keep Delphine from stealing what was left of a bottle of wine and filching her mother's cigarettes, escaping to the quiet of the back porch. Cosima was the one who found her a short while later. She pulled up a chair and sat, rubbing at her eyes behind her glasses. Delphine thought she'd been crying until she rolled her eyes and said,

“I hate wearing contacts.” Delphine hummed in response, and placed a new cigarette between her lips. Cosima motioned to the wine bottle resting against her thigh. “Could I have that?” Delphine silently handed it over, almost dropping it when Cosima's fingers brushed over hers. “Sorry, clumsy,” Cosima mumbled, her face a light shade of pink. Delphine held her hand close to her chest, toying with her cigarette. She sighed, and ran her fingers through her hair.

“I can't believe that happened,” she said. Cosima set the wine by her feet, and licked her lips.

“Yeah,” she said. Her voice was thick, laced with something that Delphine didn't know her well enough to be able to pick out. “It's crazy.”

“Yes,” Delphine agreed. “Crazy.”

 

A couple weeks later, the paperwork for the school had cleared, and Delphine found herself awake early in the morning deciding which shirt she was going to wear while she waited for her straighteners to heat. She was ready before Cosima was. Her new sister stumbled down the stairs just before they had to leave. John drove them, the radio filling the void that the lack of conversation created. He accompanied her into the office, letting Cosima go off to class without her.

“Will you be okay?” John asked.

“Yes, thank you,” Delphine replied, smiling at him. He squeezed her shoulder and left, leaving her waiting for her name to be called. She didn't wait longer than a few minutes before she was shuffled into a small room in the back, the door shutting softly. The name plate on the desk said Campbell.

“Here's your schedule, Miss Cormier,” the woman said. “Now, your step-sister, Cosima, she's here today, yes?” Delphine nodded. “Just wait here a minute and I'll have her come down and show you around. It'll be much easier with someone you're comfortable with.” Delphine almost said that she would find her own way around, and that her and Cosima barely new each other, and that she'd probably be more comfortable with a complete stranger, but Ms. Campbell left before she could do anything. She sat in silence in her chair, crumpling her schedule between her fingers. The minutes ticked by slowly.

“Delphine.” She jumped at the sound of Cosima's voice, whipping her head towards the door. Cosima smiled awkwardly. “So, she told me to give you a general tour. Like, show you where your locker is, and everything, and walk you from class to class so you don't get lost.

“Okay,” Delphine said, getting to her feet and slinging her bag over her shoulder.

“You ready?” Cosima asked. Delphine nodded and fell into step beside her. “It's not hard to get around,” Cosima explained. “Everything is pretty well laid out. Let me see your schedule.” Delphine handed the paper over, pausing when Cosima did. “You're in AP Bio?” she asked. Delphine blushed, and nodded again. “Cool. Me, too.”

She tried to keep up with what Cosima was saying, but she was rambling again and talking too fast and Delphine couldn't keep up with her. It was an exhausting first day, and the amount of catching up she had to do in a few of her classes had her wanting to crawl into a hole and die.

“Delphine?” Marie called when her and Cosima got home. “How was it? Is the school nice?”

“Yes,” Delphine replied. “It was fine.” She wondered why Cosima looked mildly puzzled on her way upstairs before remembering that her new sister's French was poor. “I'm going to my room,” Delphine continued.

“I'll call you when dinner is ready,” Marie replied.

 

Delphine's addition to the AP Biology class made the number of students uneven. The teacher put her with Cosima and her partner, a boy with brown hair, glasses, and crooked teeth. He smiled nervously when Delphine sat next to him.

“Delphine, this is Scott,” Cosima said. Scott laughed anxiously, his eyes darting across Delphine's face and torso before flicking quickly away. Cosima's smile had frozen on her face, her eyes narrowed the slightest bit. It would have been intimidating, if Scott hadn't been intently staring at the table. The expression faded after a few seconds, Cosima's face morphing back into a neutral mask. Even though she kept her face carefully controlled, her eyes danced with interest. Delphine spent the class period half watching her, and half ignoring the way Scott kept looking at her.


	5. Camping I

Cosima had never had many friends. She was too awkward, and geeky, and nerdy for it. There was Scott, but part of that was because Cosima was one of the few girls who actually spoke to him on a regular basis with something other than disgust or discomfort. Delphine's looks alone would have been enough to win her as many friends as she wanted, even without her accent. It didn't help that her sullen disposition at home hid a rather sunny, pleasant personality, if a quiet one. She was nice, and pretty, and had the voice of a goddess, and people were drawn to her like bees to honey. Cosima didn't know how to deal with it.

Within a few days Delphine had boys falling over her. Whoever it was back in France that held her heart was lucky indeed. Cosima refused to acknowledge the almost possessive urge to keep people away from Delphine that swelled in her chest whenever anyone flirted with her. She showed her displeasure through her music. John was used to it. Cosima liked her music loud. It helped her concentrate, and focus her thoughts. Or distract them. Delphine, however, didn't take too kindly to the bass thumping through their shared wall, especially when she was trying to study.

She didn't hear Delphine's door open, but she heard the loud thump of her feet on the stairs, and just barely caught the muffled French that followed. She could make out the differences between Delphine and Marie's voices, even though she didn't understand the words. Cosima ignored them, humming along to the song playing until a knock on her door startled her. She paused it.

“Yeah?” Her door creaked open, and John poked his head inside.

“Think you could keep that down, kiddo?” Cosima stared at him for a moment, then slowly nodded her head.

“Yeah, yeah sure,” she said. “Yeah.” John smiled, and retreated. He popped back in just after, right before Cosima started her music again.

“You two should spend more time together,” he said. “She doesn't have any friends. You're the only person her age that she knows.”

“Okay,” Cosima replied. She scowled at her computer when she was alone again. Delphine had friends. She had friends in France and give it a few more days and she'd have friends at school as well. Cosima was the one who didn't have friends. She sighed and stretched out on her stomach, lacing her fingers together and resting her chin against her knuckles. Perfect Delphine with her perfect hair, and her perfect voice, and her perfect boyfriend. Whatever it was she was feeling, whatever was slowly boiling inside her, spending more time with Delphine certainly wasn't going to still it.

The bonding happened by accident. Delphine had been locked in her room all day, and while no one cared considering the amount of work Delphine needed to do to reach the same level as the rest of her classmates, it didn't sound like she was studying. Cosima could faintly hear her voice through the wall, soft, but sharp. Curiosity drew her from her bed and the short few feet down the hall to Delphine's door. She had her fist raised to knock when a sudden shout followed by a slew of angry French startled her back from the door. Unsure, she lingered, waiting. Delphine's voice cut out suddenly. Cosima exhaled slowly, and knocked on the door. Entering without permission felt invasive, but when Delphine didn't respond, her concern won out and she cracked the door open enough to peer inside.

“Hey, are you okay?” Delphine jumped at the sound of her voice. She sniffed loudly, her shoulders shifting as she wiped at her eyes.

“What do you want?” she asked. Warily, Cosima stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it.

“Thin walls,” Cosima said with a shrug. “You sounded upset.”

“It's nothing,” Delphine replied. “It's...” She sighed, and bit her lip, turning her head away to hide her face. “Claude... he...” She inhaled sharply, her breath wavering. “Cheated? He cheated. With Claire.”

“Who's Claire?” Cosima asked.

“She _was_ my best friend,” Delphine replied. Cosima drummed her fingers against the door, contemplating, then pushed away from it and closed the distance between them.

“Well,” she started, hovering by the side of Delphine's bed until the blonde shifted to give her room to sit. “Clearly, he has no idea what he's giving up, and he's a complete and total asshat.” Delphine chuckled, and even though it was strained, it was music to Cosima's ears.

“Yes,” she agreed. “He is an asshat.”

“And he totally didn't deserve you, so good riddance.” Delphine giggled again, rubbing her eyes a final time before dropping her hands into her lap, and smiling at Cosima.

“Thank you,” she said. Cosima smiled, and slowly stood.

“Yeah, no problem,” she replied. “I'm just next door if you, like, need anything at all.”

“I know,” Delphine said, still smiling at her.

“Right, yeah. Cool. Okay.” She slipped out of the room, her face burning as she closed the door behind her and quickly retreated to the safety of her own space. She sighed slowly, Delphine's smile burned into her memory. She fell onto her bed, face buried in the blankets, her glasses pressing uncomfortably into the bridge of her nose. She was pretty when she smiled. Really pretty. Too pretty. Far, far, too pretty.

 

“Delphine,” John started over dinner, “you're all caught up on your work for school right?” Delphine nodded, her mouth too full of food to answer. “Great. Marie and I were thinking about taking a camping trip this weekend.” Cosima frowned at her father.

“Camping?” she repeated. “We haven't done that in years, why are you suddenly suggesting it?” John shrugged, giving her a quick smile.

“We thought it would be a good chance for us to spend a time together as a family. I know things have been going by really quickly. Thought maybe a change of pace might do us all some good, and there's nothing like a weekend away for some rest and relaxation.”

“Delphine and I have never been camping,” Marie told her. “It's something I would like to do. Is that okay, Delphine?” Cosima glanced to her side. Delphine's brows were furrowed up, but a second later she shrugged.

“If you want,” she replied. She caught Cosima's gaze and offered a smile. Cosima quickly looked away, staring down at her food.

“This weekend then?” John asked. A grumble of assent went up from them both. “Great. I'll make the reservation at the camp ground then, and hope that I can find our own camping gear in storage.”

“Shouldn't we just get new stuff?” Cosima asked. “Didn't our tent break the last time we went?”

“I fixed it,” John muttered. Next to him, Marie chuckled.

“I'm pretty sure the supports snapped,” Cosima said.

“I'll go to the store tomorrow.”

“Not without me you're not,” Cosima said. “Pick me up after school.”

 

“Dad, can you please hold one of these?” Cosima called, struggling with the four sleeping bags John had piled into her arms. “Dad? Seriously. Where are you? What are you looking at? Shit!” Cosima sighed, setting the remaining bundle in her arms next to the ones that had toppled and looked down the aisle for any sign of her father. “Dad, no.”

“What?” John asked, looking away from the row of fishing gear he was examining.

“No,” Cosima said firmly. “You have a fishing rod at home, you don't need a new one. We came here to get a new tent. And can you please carry two of these? I'm a small person, this is difficult for me.”

“Tents,” John corrected, reluctantly leaving the fishing kits to hoist two of the sleeping bags into his arms.

“What?” Cosima asked.

“Tents. We're getting two tents, not one.”

“Wait, what? Why?” John cleared his throat, leading Cosima down a few aisles until they reached the one they needed.

“Well... because.”

“Because why?” Cosima pried, frowning. “I thought this was supposed to be 'family bonding time.'”

“It is. It will be. You're going to bond with Delphine and I'm going to bond with Marie.”

“Oh. _Oh._ Oh, god, ew.” Cosima screwed her nose up. “Uhg, god, no.”

“I tried,” John said with a shrug.

“No, no, I don't think you tried at all. Can we just get the tent _s_ and go home?” She stopped a pace away from him, resting her chin on top of one of the sleeping bags.

“What about these?” he asked. “They look pretty spacious, and they're on a good sale.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Cosima agreed. “Sale, big, great. Can you just get them?” John balanced one of the packages on top of the sleeping bags in Cosima's arms. She adjusted them in her arms, acquainting herself with the change in weight.

“I just want to look at one more thing before we go...” John said absently, walking off.

“Dad, no,” Cosima said, trailing after him. “Dad. Seriously. Dad, no. We don't need anything else. _Dad, we don't need a jaffle iron._ ”

 

She tried. She really, really tried, but once her father had his mind set on something it was practically impossible to talk him out of it. Cosima was the same way. Their shopping experience resulted in Cosima bogged down carrying far more than sleeping bags and a tent out of the store. Their car was large enough to comfortably fit the four of them alone, but the four of them combined with all the things John had bought didn't work quite as well. Cosima found herself pressed uncomfortably tight against Delphine's side, trying to push herself against the pile of stuff next to her to keep from squishing Delphine against the car door, but there was hardly any room to move. Aside from the occasional grunt when Cosima shifted and elbowed her on accident, Delphine didn't seem bothered, but Cosima felt like she couldn't breathe. Every bit of her skin that touched Delphine's felt like it was on fire. She tried music to direct her thoughts to safer territory, but with each bump in the road she was pushed tighter against the blonde's side, and the music didn't stop the burning.

The fresh air that Cosima inhaled after her and Delphine managed to wiggle out of the back seat without dislodging the pile of camping equipment next to them soothed her frantic mind. There was space, an entire camp ground of it that she could put between Delphine and herself if she needed to. Even with the knowledge that they would be sharing a tent hovering over her head, she felt better. Besides, the tent was big enough for both of them plus one.

 

“You've never had s'mores before?” Cosima asked that night while her father was busy starting up a fire and Marie was sat a foot or so away lightly dozing. She held open the cooler on her lap, searching through the layers of packed food to find where John had buried the chocolate.

“No,” Delphine replied from next to her. “I've never been camping before.”

“You're missing out,” Cosima said, wiggling the chocolate bars out from near the bottom of the box and lightly tossing them on the ground in front of her with the graham crackers and the jumbo marshmallows she'd convinced John to buy. “As soon as Dad gets the fire going, I'll show you the best way to make them. Actually make them. Sometimes I get impatient and just end up eating everything separately, but it's so much better when they're all smooshed together, and melted, and gooey.” Delphine giggled softly and smiled at her, leaning back in her chair.

“Okay,” she said. Cosima's gaze lingered, a small smile of her own pulling at the corner's of her lips. John made a small sound of triumph, and straightened up with a groan, his hands rubbing at his back.

“Getting old there, Dad?” Cosima asked. He laughed.

“Not quite,” he said, and sunk gratefully into the chair next to Marie. “Just wait for that to get going before you start trying to make anything.” Cosima hummed and slipped out of her chair to sit on the ground before the fire pit, her fingers tearing at the packaging. She felt Delphine's eyes on her, the hair on the back of her neck standing to attention the longer her gaze lingered. She twitched her shoulder blades, disguising it as a roll, and looked over.

“Come here,” she said, grinning, and patted the ground next to her. Delphine hesitated, staring at the spot like it was made of lava instead of dirt, but slid out of her seat and neatly folded her legs. “The most important part is the marshmallow,” she started, wiggling one onto a poker and holding it above the fire. “It's gotta be the right amount of gooey but if you leave it over the fire for too long or for not long enough it'll get stuck to the metal and ruin it all. It's best when it's just browning on the outside.” Delphine hummed, her eyes on the flames instead of on Cosima. “Like that, see? Then you just squish it between the crackers and the chocolate and you have the perfect s'more. Almost. It's better if the chocolate isn't rock solid.” Delphine chuckled. Cosima waited a moment while the heat from the marshmallow melted the chocolate enough for her to sink her teeth in with a content groan. She held it out to Delphine. The blonde gently took it from her, biting off a corner.

“That's delicious,” she mumbled around a full mouth. Cosima grinned.

“Why don't you whip us up some, Cos?” John asked. Cosima scoffed, skewering another marshmallow.

“No way, make your own. I like watching you always set your marshmallows on fire.” Delphine giggled. Cosima cleared her throat softly, face red. She told herself it was from sitting so close to the fire.

“You try,” Cosima told her, handing over her poker.

 

Cosima had always loved the sounds that came with night time. When she was little she would stay awake until the early hours of the morning listening to the bugs chirping and trilling outside her window and trying to distinguish one from the other, labelling them in her mind. It was better than the quiet that came with winter. Cosima welcomed the noise from around her and Delphine's tent, pushed as close against the wall on her side as she could to try and escape the heavy air that settled in the space between them. The sounds blocked out Delphine's breathing, and the rustling of her clothes against the sleeping bag, and helped to calm Cosima's mind enough that she felt herself slipping off. Something cracked outside, sounding closer than it probably was, but her ears twitched to the sound instinctively. She was about to relax again when a warm body slammed into her back.

“Jesus!” she hissed, her eyes snapping open, and her heart rocketing into her throat, pounding fiercely.

“What was that?” Delphine's voice sounded from close to her ear, tight and worried.

“I don't know,” Cosima replied. “Probably a squirrel or something.”

“It did not sound like a squirrel,” Delphine whispered. Her face pressed into the back of Cosima's shoulder, hands gripping tightly at her arms. Cosima's breath caught in her throat, stuck around the new home her heart had made for itself.

“It was a squirrel,” she repeated, staring at the wall of the tent.

“What was that? Was that a bug? What if the bugs get inside the tent?”

“The bugs aren't going to get inside the tent, Delphine. It's zipped shut.”

“What if they're already in here?”

“Do you want me to search the tent for bugs?” Delphine's nails bit into her skin. “ _Ow, Jesus._ ” Nearby, the leaves of the trees rustled as the wind swept through them. Another twig cracked. Delphine gasped and pushed her face hard into Cosima's shoulder. Cosima's chest squeezed tightly around her lungs. “Oh no,” she whispered.

“What?” Delphine asked, her voice muffled by Cosima's shirt.

“I think... did that sound like footsteps to you? Oh god, Delphine, I think someone is out there.” Delphine whimpered, latching her arms around Cosima's waist. _Oh god, okay,_ Cosima thought, holding in a squeak when Delphine squeezed. _Okay. She's touching me. Okay. She's holding me really tight. Ow, Jesus, okay, those are nails. Shit. Shit._ Delphine whimpered into her shirt. “Shit, I'm sorry,” Cosima said, twisting around so she could lay on her back and fix Delphine with an apologetic stare. “It's not-it's just a squirrel or a rabbit or something. It's not a serial killer I promise.” Delphine burrowed her face against Cosima's shoulder again, digging her fingertips into Cosima's ribs. “Do you want me to go check?” Delphine nodded, her grip loosening just enough for Cosima to breathe and slip out of her grasp, feeling around for the flashlight. Her fingers hit the plastic with a clack.

“Be careful,” Delphine whispered. Cosima rolled her eyes, holding the light against her neck with her shoulder while she fiddled with the stiff tent zipper. She slipped out of the gap, shining the light around into the night. It flashed across the eyes of a rabbit, which disappeared back into the foliage, vanishing within seconds. Cosima ran a hand over her face and sighed, hesitating.

“Okay,” she told herself softly. “Okay.” Delphine squinted into the flashlight beam. Cosima apologized, lightly tossing it onto her sleeping bag, and zipping the tent closed again. “It was just a rabbit. No serial killers. Okay? I was just joking.” Delphine's eyes followed her, watching as she turned out the light and shuffled back into her sleeping bag. Delphine latched onto her again the second she was settled. Cosima stared up at the top of the tent, hardly able to see anything in the darkness. A few minutes later, and Delphine's grip on her had relaxed, her breathing slowly evening out. Cosima yawned widely, her eyes refusing to open again after it passed. She could feel Delphine's breath cool against the side of her neck.


	6. Camping II

Delphine woke slowly, the sounds of the morning gradually breaking through the fog of sleep. Bit by bit, she became aware of the world around her; the gentle chirping of insects outside, nowhere near as loud as the previous night, distant chatter of voices from other campers, and a car door shutting, the warm body firmly pressed against hers. Her eyes fluttered open. She held her breath. Cosima was still asleep, her head tilted just slightly away from Delphine towards the wall of the tent, her chest steadily rising and falling beneath her cover of her sleeping bag. Delphine moved her arm from where it had remained draped over Cosima's waist and stomach for the whole night and used it to prop herself up. Her gaze travelled over the curve of Cosima's nose, over slightly parted lips and along the jut of her jaw.

It struck her again how different Cosima looked without her glasses on. The brunette hardly ever wore make up, save for the times they had been going somewhere formal, and the wedding, but her glasses were constant. She hated contacts, Delphine remembered. She was pretty without them; like a completely different person. Delphine could almost pretend that they weren't step-sisters. Her face burned the longer she looked, but she couldn't avert her eyes or pull away. The proximity was intoxicating, and Cosima was warm, and soft, and-

Her chest seized with panic. She couldn't think of Cosima as pretty. She could say she looked pretty, or that a dress looked nice on her, from an objective point, but she couldn't lay there with their bodies touching and think that Cosima was pretty. She hardly ever even thought her friends at home were pretty. Not like that. Not in a way where she was admiring the line of her jaw and the length of her neck.

“I can hear you thinking,” Cosima mumbled, her mouth barely moving. “It's too early. Stop it.”

“Sorry,” Delphine whispered, scooting back and putting a precious few inches of space between them. Cosima sighed, her brows furrowed. She blinked her eyes open, turning her head and peering blearily at Delphine in the dim tent light.

“I need to brush my teeth,” she said after a long moment, looking away. She fumbled above her head for her glasses. Delphine reached out and plucked them up gently, placing them in her hand. Cosima mumbled a thanks and struggled out of her sleeping bag. “Are you coming?” she asked. Delphine nodded, breathing in deeply.

“Yes,” she said, her voice weak. “I'm coming.”

A sound stopped them just outside the tent. Cosima heard it first, and paused, frowning in the direction of their parents' tent, across the dead fire pit from their own. She cocked her head to the side, grabbing Delphine's arm to still her. Delphine pulled away automatically, rubbing at her elbow. Her skin tingled from the contact. She followed Cosima's eyes.

“Do you hear that?” Cosima asked. Delphine held her breath, listening. There was definitely something coming from John and Marie's tent.

“I think so. What is it?” she replied. Cosima's brows furrowed further, her eyes squinting even though she had her glasses on.

“I think it's... oh. Oh, god.” She whipped back around, her face bright red. “So, there's this lake nearby. Want to go swimming?” It took Delphine an extra few seconds to cotton on. When she did, her face turned a shade of red that matched Cosima's and she nodded violently. “Great. You get our bathing suits and I'll go find that raft that I tried to keep Dad from buying.” Delphine changed faster than she ever had in her life, throwing a shirt and shorts on over her bikini. She switched places with Cosima a few minutes later, bouncing on her heels outside the tent holding the deflated raft and trying to focus on sounds other than the ones from the other side of the camp.

“Can we please go?” she asked when Cosima stumbled out of the tent, her foot caught on the canvas.

“Jesus, shit,” she swore, flailing her arms to retain her balance. “Yeah, totally. Let's get out of here.”

The lake wasn't very far, but Delphine would have gotten lost were it not for Cosima guiding them expertly through the short stretch of woods. She dragged the raft along her side, doing her best to not let it snag on any branches or bushes. Cosima was patient with her, taking an easy path through where the trees were thinnest and holding low hanging boughs out of the way until Delphine had cleared them. The lake was modestly sized; a clearing lined by thick trees on the far side, and rocks to the right, leading back into the woods. Cosima turned and grinned at her.

“Here, give me the raft. I'll blow it up for you.” Delphine returned her smile, dragging the raft in front of her and passing it over. She waited patiently while Cosima fumbled with the air pump, absently playing with a stray thread on the brim of her hat. The sounds of nature filled the silence until Cosima's voice sounded again. “Here you go; one raft. Want me to push you out?” Delphine lifted her shirt over her head, careful to not dislodge her hat, and dropped it on top of her bag. When she looked up, Cosima was watching her, her lip caught between her teeth. Delphine cleared her throat softly, and stepped out of her shorts. Cosima held the raft steady for her to climb on, and accompanied the soft shove she gave it with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Delphine stretched out on the plastic, head tilted to the side to watch Cosima shed her own clothes.

She caught herself staring, her eyes lingering. She'd never seen Cosima in any state of undress before. There was a fledgling confidence to her movements, one that was well deserved. Delphine's cheeks burned. She looked away before the tightness that fluttered in her chest could completely overtake her. Cosima swore under her breath, the water splashing softly against her skin. Delphine closed her eyes, letting the gentle waves float her around, listening to the sounds of Cosima fooling around nearby. The space made the silence comfortable, not like the night before when Delphine had felt ready to break with tension, without having to deal with her squeamish nature and fear of bugs.

Cosima cleared her throat. Delphine opened her eyes at the noise and glanced to the side, dipping her hands into the water to direct her movements. Her gaze traced the way Cosima's muscles, muscles that she didn't know Cosima had had in the first place, shifted beneath her skin. She was following the path of the raft, slowly wading through the water until the bottom was too deep for her feet to touch.

“I know they're married,” she said, easily treading water, “but I don't think I'm ever going to be used to hearing things like that.”

“Non,” Delphine said quietly. Cosima gently grabbed the side of the raft, her fingers clutching close to Delphine's thigh. Delphine tensed, but couldn't find the will to move her leg to the side. Cosima ferried her in a large circle, stopping when she was bored and folding her arms on the plastic. Delphine adjusted her weight to accommodate her, propping up on her elbows to look down. Cosima's expression was unreadable, her eyes on Delphine's stomach. She opened her mouth to speak, but Cosima's eyes flicked up and she smiled wickedly. Delphine frowned. “Cosima, what are yo-” she started, the rest of her question morphing into a squeal as Cosima tipped her off the raft.

The water pricked coldly at her skin, closing over her head and cutting her off from the world. Her reaction was delayed, the silence, and the soft, muffled roar of water in her ears pressing against her skull. Her limbs acted before her brain did, kicking her upright and propelling her towards the surface before she touched the lake floor. She came up spluttering and gasping, blinking water out of her eyes, and glaring at Cosima, who was trying to stay afloat through her laughter, one hand gripping onto the raft for support.

“You brat,” Delphine choked out, hauling air into her shocked lungs. Cosima only laughed harder, the sound echoing like the peal of a bell into the air. Delphine wiped water off her lips, launching herself towards Cosima. Cosima shouted, propelling herself back through the water and out of Delphine's reach. She didn't elude capture for long, Delphine's longer limbs giving her the advantage. She caught Cosima's shoulder and pulled, placing both hands against her skin and using her weight to push Cosima under the surface with a triumphant laugh. Cosima's muscles flexed under her touch, arms flailing. Delphine pushed away a few seconds later, legs and feet kicking her to a safe distance. Cosima shook her hair out of her face, spinning around until she found Delphine. Delphine stuck out her tongue, grinning.

“Is that how we're gonna play it?” Cosima asked, sounding out of breath. “You're so gonna get it.”

“You started it,” Delphine argued, twisting away from Cosima's searching fingers, her own reaching and finding, skirting along Cosima's side. The brunette giggled, squirming towards the shallows. Delphine followed, catching her quickly. Their squeals and shouts of laughter filled the air, hands reaching to find sensitive skin and splashing water as a defence. Cosima yielded first, her hands latched tightly around Delphine's wrists to stop her fingers from tickling her ribs.

“Oh god, okay, _okay_. I'm _sorry!_ Just stop. Tickling. Me!” she panted out. Her grip tightened, forcibly stilling Delphine's hands. Her chest heaving, Delphine grinned, sucking in air until her heart rate slowed and her lungs stopped feeling like they were being squeezed. “I didn't know your hair's curly,” Cosima said a moment later, still breathless.

“I don't like it,” Delphine replied. Cosima held her eyes, searching them. She inhaled deeply, and held it.

“I don't know why,” she finally said. “It's really pretty. It looks awesome. I wish my hair was that nice.” Delphine flushed, biting her lip. Aside from her mother, and Claire, only Claude had seen her hair in its natural state. All he had done was told her it looked better straight. Delphine was sure he hadn't meant it cruelly, but she'd made sure it was straight as often as possible after that.

“Thank you.” Cosima was still looking at her. Her eyes darted down. Under the cover of the water, her hands were still wrapped around Cosima's sides, their legs tangled and their hips pressing. Her body was hot compared to the lake that surrounded them. Delphine's chest tightened. Cosima pulled away first, unwrapping their limbs and wading back a few paces. Her eyes left, looking anywhere but at Delphine. She glanced up.

“I dare you to jump off that rock,” she said. Delphine looked over her shoulder, following Cosima's eyes.

“Cosima, non. It's too high,” she said, shaking her head. Cosima rolled her eyes.

“No, it isn't,” she said, wading to the shore. “I've jumped off it before. I'll show you.” Delphine watched her movements, water dripping off her body and leaving a splotchy trail of wet dirt and footprints in her wake. She easily scaled the rocks, padding to the edge of the highest and curling her toes over the edge. She gave Delphine a thumbs up, then sucked in a breath and leaped. Delphine watched her fall, entering the water with a loud splash. Delphine waited for her to surface, her brows furrowing in concern the longer it took her to do so. She jumped when Cosima's head popped up a few feet away.

“You scared me,” Delphine said. Cosima grinned in apology.

“I found your hat,” she said, lifting it out of the water. Delphine touched her hair, confused. She hadn't known she'd lost it. Cosima waded to her, slapping it onto her head and covering her face and shoulders in cold water.

“Cosima!” Delphine shouted in protest, batting her hand away. Cosima chuckled.

“I dare you to jump off,” she repeated, head tilted to the side. Delphine smiled at her, swiping her hat off her head and tossing it back.

“Okay,” she said. It felt like flying more than falling.

 

Cosima floated next to her, her head occasionally bumping against the side of the raft. Her eyes were closed, face peaceful, giving Delphine free reign to stare. She found herself watching for minutes without realizing that she was, catching herself when Cosima coughed or cleared her throat or sighed, only to return to her observations a moment later.

“Do you think it's safe to go back?” Cosima said, breaking the silence.

“I think so, yes,” she answered, sitting up. Cosima blew out a puff of air, her eyes fluttering open and up to meet Delphine's.

“Do you want to?” she asked. Her gaze made Delphine's breath catch in her throat. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. “Cool,” Cosima breathed out, righting herself.

 

The trip back felt like ages. The morning chill had left, and the air was hot and dry. Delphine's hair was tangled, curling messily against the nape of her neck. Her clothes were stiff against her not quite dry body, her shirt sticking to her breasts and hips. Cosima's had a wet splotch on the back where her hair draped in waves across her shoulders. She stopped when she noticed Delphine falling behind, turning and waiting until she was close enough for Cosima to reach out, stretching her fingers.

“Give me your hand,” she said. Delphine stopped still, then frowned lightly.

“What?”

“I'll help you. I don't want you falling and cracking your head open. Then we'd have to call an ambulance, and everyone would know you have curly hair.” Delphine's lips twitched. She shoved Cosima's shoulder in response. The brunette giggled. “What? Come on, you know it's true.” She extended her hand again. Delphine slipped her fingers into the spaces between them, letting Cosima guide her through the woods. Her hand was warm, palm damp with sweat, fingers curled around her knuckles. Delphine felt herself smiling, the grin growing wider each time Cosima helped her over a rough patch of ground, struggling to keep her from falling without dropping the deflated raft. The woods thinned, and eventually gave way to the clearings of various camp sites, but Delphine held on, falling into step beside Cosima and letting their hands loosely swing between their bodies.

“You two look like you had fun!” She dropped Cosima's hand as though she'd been burned, snapping her arm tightly back to her side. John grinned at them both from the fire pit, holding a pan in one hand. His voice brought her hurtling back to earth. Her heart fluttered anxiously in her chest, her jaw tightening as she clenched her teeth.

“Yeah, was a blast,” Cosima replied, her voice strained. “I'm going to change.” She split from Delphine's side, leaving her hovering at the edge of their camp.

“Aren't you going to change too?” John asked her. Delphine glanced at the tent in time to see Cosima vanish inside.

“No,” she said. “I'm fine.” She settled in her chair by the fire, dumping her bag next to her, and crossed her arms and legs, sitting in silence until John handed her a plate of food. _What is happening_? she thought, staring down at her breakfast. _I liked that. No. No, I like boys. I like boys like Claude with their sexy muscles._ She chewed on her lip, frowning. _She has muscles, too. And a pretty smile, and a pretty laugh. God, what is happening to me?_


	7. Science Project

Cosima could have cut the atmosphere in the tent with a butter knife if she tried. The night wasn't loud enough to block out the sound of Delphine's breathing, or the rustling of the sleeping bag whenever she moved. Cosima squeezed her eyes shut, practically cuddling her side of the tent in her attempts to put as much distance between her and her step-sister as she could. _That's right, Cosima. Step-sister,_ she thought harshly. _Step. Sister. Stop thinking about the freckles on her back._ Even though she could trace the Big Dipper if she tried. _Stop thinking about how soft her skin is._ Even though it had felt like silk beneath Cosima's fingers. _Stop thinking about how pretty she is when she smiles._ Even though her grins lit up her entire face. _Stop thinking about wanting to kiss those stupid smirks off of her face. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Sibling. Sibling. Sibling._

Her mind was a treacherous thing. She was on edge, every atom alert and attuned to the movements and sounds that the girl at her back made. She wondered, very briefly, if Delphine was having the same trouble, then rolled her eyes at herself. Of course she didn't. Perfect Delphine was perfectly straight. And her step-sister. Step-sister. _Sister._ She muffled a groan into her pillow. Her body ached, the memory of Delphine's body pressing against hers running in circles around her thoughts and eluding her attempts to capture it. _This is fucked up,_ she thought, abruptly hiding her head under her pillow, inhaling the plastic-y scent of her sleeping bag. _Thanks, Dad._

It didn't sound like Delphine was sleeping from the amount of noise coming from her side of the tent. Cosima certainly wasn't going to any time soon. She wished she'd had the foresight to bring her weed with her, but she wouldn't in a hundred thousand years have anticipated that she'd be so worked up over someone she was now legally related to, regardless of how attractive she was. _You are seriously fucked, Cos,_ she thought, hiding in the darkness under her pillow, blocking out the muffled sounds of Delphine shifting across the space.

 

They both fell asleep on the way back, Delphine just before Cosima did, with her face pressed against the door and Cosima's head resting against her shoulder, her hand relaxed against Delphine's thigh.

“They must have been up all night talking,” John said, glancing at them in the rear view mirror. One of Cosima's earbuds had fallen out, and her glasses were askew. He couldn't help but smile at his sleeping daughter.

“I was worried,” Marie said, looking back at them as well, with a smile on her face. “It seems like this trip worked after all.” John nodded, holding out his hand for Marie to clasp.

“Next time they fight, let's lock them in a room together,” he suggested. Marie giggled, settling back against the headrest.

“Sisters will fight,” she said. “I'm happy that they get along at all.”

“Me, too,” John agreed, squeezing his wife's fingers.

 

Their communication dissolved into one word answers, much to the puzzlement and dismay of their parents. When they didn't have any other option than to speak to each other, it was done with as little speaking as possible, a series of “yes” and “no” and “okay” that did nothing but feed the awkward air between them. “We're fine,” they told their parents when questioned. School was busy, they were tired, they talked plenty. Cosima spent hours laying awake at night, burying her face in her pillow until the pressure against her eyes blocked out the memories of the camping trip dancing around in her mind. _Sibling_ , Cosima told herself, a mantra that she repeated every night before she went to sleep. _Sibling, sibling sibling. Shit._ She was out of pot, too, which only made matters worse.

The tension lingered in school, but at least there she could convince Scott to give him the money to buy her more weed from his grower friend. He dropped it into her bag during Bio. Delphine's seat was far enough from her own that Cosima could watch without the risk of being caught. The word project caught her attention, briefly pulling it away from Delphine and towards the teacher she was supposed to be paying attention to.

“Cosima,” Scott whispered behind her. “Wanna pair up?”

“No,” she said before she could think it through fully. Delphine looked over her shoulder at them. “Go work with someone else. It's easier if I do it with Delphine; we live together.” She knew Scott was sulking without having to turn her head to see it, but it didn't matter. Her gaze locked with Delphine's and held it until the blonde looked away.

“Before you leave,” the teacher announced, “you need your grade updates. When I call your name, come up and get your slip. If it needs to be signed, it'll say so.” Cosima had a B. It was the test she did badly on that had pulled her grade down from an A, but it was good enough. To her credit, she thought she was doing pretty well considering everything that had happened over the past month.

“Hey, Delphine,” she called when class ended. Delphine paused by the door, stepping aside to let their classmates out, with an awkward, slightly uncomfortable smile at Scott when he brushed past her. “What do you have?”

“An A,” Delphine replied, falling into step next to her.

“What about everything else?”

“A's.” Cosima looked down at the paper in her hand.

“Shit,” she mumbled, her chest compressing the air out her lungs.

“What?” Delphine asked, frowning at her.

“Your grades are wicked.”

“Why do you sound surprised?”

“They're better than mine.” Delphine smiled, cocky.

“Bye,” she said, and split off to go to her next class. Cosima sighed, lingering at the intersection and watching her weave through the crowd of students until she turned a corner. _She's ruined me_ , she thought. _I'm screwed. I'm so, so screwed._ Someone bumped into her shoulder, jostling her back into the present. She pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled a steady stream of air out of her mouth. She would deal. She had to. There wasn't any other choice. Maybe if she was lucky everything would go back to normal. Except, Cosima realized, mindlessly following the stream of teenagers to her next class, things had never been normal to begin with.

 

They decided on their topic after they got home, Delphine already starting on her homework while Cosima ignored her own to whip up something to eat. She waited, and sat across from the blonde, watching her scribble answers to questions down on a page in neat cursive. She glanced up a handful of times, eyes finding Cosima through her lashes.

“Why are you watching me?” she asked curiously. Cosima shrugged, taking a bit of her food.

“Not watching,” she said around it. “Eating.”

“You want something,” Delphine stated without looking up.

“Yeah. Topic for class. Got one in mind?” Delphine shrugged. She dropped her pencil and stretched, arching her back away from the chair with a content groan. “I was thinking something with genetics. You know everyone and their mom is going to do photosynthesis. Easy A.”

“Genetics?” she repeated, sounding almost alarmed. “I was, too.” Cosima's heart fluttered.

“Really?”

“Genetic engineering,” Delphine continued, leaning forward in interest.

“With a focus on cloning,” Cosima finished. Delphine grinned. “Awesome.”

“Yes,” Delphine repeated. “Awesome.” She paused, tapping her pencil against the table. “I do have a question,” she said as Cosima was standing to go upstairs. She hummed. “Why didn't you pick Scott?” Cosima opened her mouth to reply, but the only response she had wasn't one she could find the words for. Instead, she shrugged.

“He has other friends,” she said. Delphine stared her, a light line between her brows. Cosima waited, afraid Delphine was going to call her out, but all she did was smile, and go back to her work. Cosima carried her plate into the kitchen and dumped it in the sink with a loud, metallic thunk, then hurried upstairs to the safety of her room.

It was a side of Delphine that Cosima had never seen before. Her interest in science had been obvious. It had been the initial attractor, but this... determination and excitement, this almost glow that spread over Delphine's face while they sat side by side at the table or on the sofa and conducted their research was unfamiliar. Cosima handled the visual part of the presentation, letting Delphine write up the report they needed to hand in, and formulate a verbal delivery that made sense. At least to them. Cosima was pretty sure their combined intelligence was greater than the rest of the class put together, even an advanced level one.

“Do you think human cloning is possible?” Delphine asked. Her fingers tapped expertly at her laptop, the soft clicks of the keys being pressed almost rhythmic.

“Totally,” Cosima replied. “That would be so weird, though, wouldn't it? I mean, just think about it. You're at the grocery store or something and you look behind you and there's just this... person who's like, got your face.”

“Our perception of how we see ourselves is skewed,” Delphine replied. “You wouldn't recognize someone as your clone if you saw them.”

“Yeah, but _what if_ ,” Cosima countered, her hands twirling in the air before her. She kicked her feet up onto the coffee table, balancing her laptop on her thighs. “That would be just... this whole other person who looks exactly like you, but it's that whole nature vs. nurture thing, isn't it? I mean, exactly how alike would the two of you really be? Just little stuff like fave foods, or the kind of music you like, or if you bite your lip or pick your nails. Dominant side of the brain, that kind of thing. It's just fascinating, you know? Like-” She turned her head, meeting Delphine's eyes. “What?” she asked. Delphine quickly shook her head, averting her gaze.

“Nothing,” she said. “Give me your computer so I can edit the presentation, please.” Cosima watched her until she raised her head again, her stare pointed. “Cosima.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Cosima replied, shaking her head. Delphine set her computer to the side to make room for Cosima's, holding it on top of crossed legs. Cosima distracted herself with one of the books they'd borrowed from the school library. Movement caught her eye. She glanced out the corner, watching Delphine tuck her hair behind her ear, and chew on her lip. Cosima disguised a sigh as a yawn. “We're going to have the best project,” she said. Delphine smiled, glancing at her with her lip still caught on her teeth.

“We should go first, yes?” she asked.

“Totally,” Cosima said. “I hate speaking in front of people.”

“It's not so hard,” Delphine replied.

“I didn't say I couldn't, I just don't like to. People never know what I'm talking about.”

“You talk very fast.”

“Yeah, well, I get excited.” Delphine chuckled airily.

“It's... nice,” she said, setting Cosima's computer between them. “Knowing someone who shares my passions.” Cosima nodded in reply, pushing her hair out of her face and nervously fixing her glasses.

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

 

She'd never clicked so well with someone in her life. Scott was the closest, next to the one girlfriend she'd had at fifteen. Neither of them were anything like how she connected to Delphine. Their brains might as well have been fused together. Previous group projects usually involved Cosima doing the majority of the work, despite being in an AP class full of people who actually knew what they were talking about, but had no motivation to apply themselves. Cosima only did it to keep her grade up, but with Delphine it was to prove herself, and Delphine did more than carry her own weight. Their presentation was finished first, complete with a written report, a professionally put together powerpoint thanks to Cosima's computer expertise, and a verbal script that Cosima was sure could be passed off as college level.

They lost the class after a few minutes. The puzzled stares that met them should have been an indication that they weren't explaining their topic well enough, but instead Cosima was proud. They had accomplished something brilliant, so brilliant that even their teacher was having trouble following along. She was ranting again, rambling along too quickly in that way that usually got her points docked for being incoherent, but she couldn't put a stopper in her brain to slow the flow of words that fell from her mouth, her hands patting the air and making circles and spirals and indiscernible shapes in the space before her.

“The risks are there, there's not any denying that, but the possibilities are just...”

“Endless,” Delphine finished for her. “New skin can be grown-”

“Organs replaced-”

“Your appearance changed-” Her hands were everywhere, brushing against Cosima as they both gesticulated.

“Cancer cured. Not to mention stuff out of sci-fi movies is totally plausible.” Cosima was flushed with excitement when they finished, her face warm and her chest swollen. Delphine was glowing, her eyes dancing happily, looking just as flustered as Cosima felt. Her heart fluttered. She hardly noticed the smattering of applause that rose from their confused classmates. Delphine handed in their report while Cosima claimed her USB from the computer and returned to her seat, grinning. She felt high. Delphine smiled back at her from her seat, her teeth sunk lightly into the flesh of her lower lip.


	8. Home Alone

Delphine held up a shirt for her mother's consideration, peering around the side of it to gauge her reaction from her face. Marie stared at it for a moment, one hand curled on her hip and the other tapping at her chin, before she nodded and pointed to the open suitcase on her bed. Delphine folded the shirt neatly and placed it on top of the pile of clothes already filling the case.

“Maman,” she said, lightly ruffling through her mother's wardrobe. “Why are you going on vacation now? Aren't honeymoons supposed to happen right after the wedding, not almost two months later?”

“We wanted you and Cosima to settle in before we went,” Marie replied, appearing behind her shoulder. Delphine stepped out of the way, crossing her arms over her chest. “A lot of things changed very quickly. I know it's not traditional, but not much about this family has been, so far.” Delphine sighed. “What?”

“Nothing,” she said, too quickly. “I just think it's silly for you guys to leave two teenage girls alone in the house for a week.” Marie scoffed.

“You've never been a troublesome girl, Delphine. You and Cosima are both responsible young women. John and I trust you.” She was right, Delphine knew that. It wasn't the being home alone for a week that bothered her, it was who she would be with. Cosima's company was only made easy by the constant distraction of school and presence of both their parents to keep the tension that stretched between them from growing unbearable. She couldn't avoid Cosima if they had the house to themselves. Basic interaction was going to be needed, if not more. Delphine couldn't decide which was the more awkward of the two.

Her personal feelings on the matter didn't stop the adults from leaving. She saw them off with a sleepy-eyed Cosima who yawned and stretched her arms above her head the minute they were out of sight, and turned back to the house, leaving Delphine alone on the doorstep staring into empty air. She sighed, rubbing her hands along her arms. The house was quiet without the sound of the news on TV, or the sizzling of a pan from the kitchen. Delphine padded through the rooms and upstairs, passing by Cosima's door. She hesitated outside it, listening, but there was no soft muttering or gentle beat of music. She raised her hand and curled her fingers to knock, to ask if Cosima wanted anything to eat, but her fist hung in the air a few inches from the door. The noise probably wouldn't wake her anyway. Delphine dropped her hand and stepped away, chewing on her lip. After a moment, she turned and headed back downstairs.

 

Delphine learned very quickly that she couldn't leave Cosima to get up on her own. Waking up late wasn't something the brunette only did on weekends when it didn't matter. She was almost late to school the day after their parents left because she had wrongly assumed that Cosima would wake herself up and get ready on her own without any coaxing. She hadn't so much as apologized when she rushed down the stairs almost ten minutes after they normally left, snatching a banana from the kitchen and breezing past Delphine on her way out the door, leaving the blonde to follow in her wake. At least they didn't go hungry. While Cosima was happy to snack on crackers or cereal bars or order out, Delphine needed more than junk food. A good meal, as it turned out, was the key to making Cosima do almost anything.

Getting her out of bed in the mornings, though, was a terror, but Delphine wasn't going to be late to school just because Cosima wanted to sleep in. She could have just left her to be late alone, but it felt cruel to do so, and Delphine didn't want to walk to school on her own. She had already been awake for an hour, and had showered, dressed, brushed her teeth and done her hair for the day, but there hadn't been so much as a peep from her step-sister's room. She knocked on Cosima's door on her way downstairs, waiting until she heard a tired grunt of acknowledgement from the other side. She waited, crushing cereal between her teeth. When there was no hint of movement from upstairs, she left her bowl to knock on Cosima's door again.

“I'm coming!” she said, sounding impatient. Delphine sighed.

“I'll leave breakfast out for you,” she said through the barrier. There was a pause. When Cosima spoke again, her voice was gentle.

“Thanks. Just a minute.”

Delphine had expected Cosima was the kind of person who would have taken advantage of the adults being away from the house to throw a wild party, or skip school and spend all day out in the city, but she spent most of the time they were home in her room, although Delphine didn't know what she was doing or wanted to ask. They fell into a rhythm. Delphine made them breakfast, leaving Cosima's out for when she finally came downstairs, and together they walked to school, and home again, and went to their respective rooms.

It was worth it, waking up a bit earlier to cook something for the both of them, to see Cosima scarf it down with a smile on her face. She caught herself watching, turning her gaze elsewhere when she realized with a blush. Cosima's unwillingness to interact with her suited her just fine, and she was respectful enough to keep the volume of her music low enough that Delphine could only hear it filtering through the wall if she was listening for it. If it hadn't been for the knowledge lingering in the back of her mind that Cosima was there, she could have fooled herself into thinking it was only her in the house.

 

Cosima's music was almost comforting when it wasn't blasting loud enough for the neighbours to hear it. It sent Delphine to sleep at night, giving her mind something to focus on in the loud silence that hung like a cloud in her own bedroom. She dreamed; usually of home, or of her friends. Never about Claude. There were hands on her skin, in the darkness of the room. The touch was firm, strong and certain, but the fingers touching her were soft and slim, skilled in their explorations. Delphine arched into the touch, her skin tingling. She wanted to see, to look at the warm flesh she could feel beneath her palms, but her eyes wouldn't open. Lips met her jaw, tracing along its edge to her ear. She bucked her hips, seeking pressure, tilting her head back when the kisses burned down the side of her neck. Her hands found hair, thick and silky. She tangled her fingers, tugging while her breath snagged in her throat, catching a moan before it could break. Her lover spoke, whispering against her stomach. The words were muffled, like Delphine had her head underwater, but something about the tone of their voice sounded familiar.

She gasped herself awake, her eyes shooting open. Beneath her breast her heart pounded an erratic beat, hard and fast, skipping around behind her ribs. Her chest heaved with it. She raised an arm, still heavy from sleep, and wiped a sheen of sweat from her forehead. Her body burned. Too hot under sheets damp with perspiration, she kicked her legs free, and swallowed hard. The heat in the pit of her stomach and the ache between her thighs were unmistakeable. She squirmed, hoping that it would fade, but the minutes slowly ticked by and it did nothing but throb. Delphine rubbed at her face with her hands, exhaling shakily, and swung her legs out of bed. A shower would fix it. Showers fixed everything. The weakness in her knees almost toppled her over the second she stood. She sucked in a breath, throwing a hand against her end table to keep upright until she was steady enough to stand without its support.

 

A dry throat and a severe case of cotton mouth pulled Cosima from an otherwise pleasant sleep. She blinked her eyes open, licking her lips and glaring at the clock in front of her face. _Too early_ , she thought, pulling her blanket over her head and rolling over. She swallowed, trying to work up enough moisture in her mouth that she could go back to sleep, but it was too distracting for her to fall back asleep.

“Uhg,” she mumbled, rolling towards the side of her bed until her legs hit nothing but air. She stood slowly, the world blurry without her glasses, and her eyes crusted and bleary with sleep. Rubbing at them, Cosima yawned on her way out of her room, shuffling down the hallway to the bathroom. It didn't occur to her to knock, even though the door being shut was odd. She'd probably gotten up in the middle of the night and swung it closed behind her without thinking. The room was humid. Cosima frowned, dropping her hand from her face. _Oh._

Her and Delphine both froze, staring. Cosima's eyes couldn't settle. There was too much flesh on display, shining with water and dappled with goosebumps. Her hair was curling against her shoulders and behind her ears. She could feel Delphine's eyes locked on her face. She needed to look away, she knew she did, but _god her tits are fantastic._

“Shit,” she said, blinking, her eyes finally finding Delphine's face. A flush covered her cheeks and nose, almost reaching her neck. “Shit. Shit. I'm so sor-shit.” She backed out of the room, her own face burning, and slammed the door shut. Her stomach twisted with want, the sight of perfect Delphine's perfect body burned behind her retinas. She retreated, catching her foot against her heel as she turned and almost tripping. Safely in her room, she sat heavily on the bed, staring at the floor. Squeezing her eyes shut, she shook her head violently, as if that alone would be enough to banish the sight from her brain. She wiggled back under her blankets, trading in a view of the floor for one of the ceiling, a fuzzy grey in the early morning like that seeped between the blinds on her window. She couldn't unsee it.

Cosima dug her knuckles into her eyes, puffing air into her cheeks and blowing it out in a frustrated gust. “God dammit,” she sighed, dropping her hands. Her fingers twitched across her stomach. _No,_ she thought. _No, no no._ she jerked her hand away, slapping it against the mattress with a soft thump. She scowled, biting her lip. The pale curve of Delphine's back flashed into the front of her thoughts. The light bumps of her ribs, the flex of the muscles in her arm. How her lips had been parted in shock, those wide eyes focused on Cosima, dark and alarmed. She ached. _Oh fuck it,_ she concluded, nudging her fingers beneath the waist of her underwear. _I'm going to hell anyway._

 

It was so soft that at first Delphine thought she was hearing things. She was still worked up, her face burning every few seconds when she recalled the look in Cosima's eyes; how they had lingered, and darkened. The shower had done nothing to fix the ache or the heat that spread across her skin. She listened, sitting on her bed in fresh clothes, her hair still damp. It sounded almost like... but it couldn't be. It was Cosima. They'd only been shocked because it was unexpected, and embarrassing. No one had ever seen Delphine naked before. Cosima wouldn't be... A moan, choked and muffled, penetrated the thin wall that separated their rooms. Delphine bit hard into her lip, and found herself straining to hear more. She should have put her headphones in. They were close, sat on her bedside table next to her alarm clock and her phone, right where she'd left them the night before. She didn't move. She couldn't. The sounds drifting from Cosima's room had her frozen in place, hypnotized.

She admired Cosima's mind, it was difficult not to. She had been tantalizingly close to convincing herself that was all it was, but if that was the truth, then she should have been able to block out the noise, to give Cosima privacy and respect. She wrapped her fingers around the edge of her bed, digging her nails into the mattress and biting too hard on her lip. She imagined Cosima's head tilted back against her pillows, her eyes shut and her lips parted. Delphine's chest constricted, her throat tightening. She inhaled sharply. She was trembling. Something was wrong with her. She shouldn't have been thinking what she was. She shouldn't have been listening. She couldn't stop.

The pitch of Cosima's moans changed. They grew closer together. Higher. Strained. As if keeping as quiet as she was was almost too much effort. Delphine squeezed her thighs together against the ache, burning stronger than before. It was too much. Her heart was ready to beat out of her chest, her stomach swirling sickeningly with things she didn't want to put a name to. She felt like she was going to puke—the noises stopped. Delphine waited and listened, straining her ears to hear, but nothing more followed, only the sound of her own breathing, harsh and loud in her head.

She hid away in her room. Cosima wasn't any the wiser. Her music drifted softly through the house. _It didn't happen,_ Delphine told herself. _This is all a terrible dream._ _Any minute now I'll wake up and everything will be normal._ The tension in her body stayed, alert to every noise that sounded. Hours passed before Cosima's door opened. Delphine's head shot up from her laptop, her eyes focused on her own. She waited for the creak of the stairs that sound signify Cosima going downstairs, but it didn't follow. A knock came instead, light and hesitant. Delphine had to remember to breathe. She set her computer aside and crossed the room to open the door. Cosima smiled hesitantly up at her, ruffling her hair with her fingers. She held up a mints case.

“Wanna smoke?” she asked. Delphine curled her fingers around the edge of her door, gaze shifting between Cosima's shy smile and the box in her hand.

“I've never...” she started, twirling a hand in the air.

“No?” Cosima questioned. “You don't have to, obvs. Thought maybe it'd be fun. It doesn't like, bother you, does it?”

“No,” Delphine replied, shaking her head. “No, I-” She licked her lip, teeth catching it a second later. “Okay.”

 

She felt like she was floating, and _everything_ was funny. Claude had smoke weed once, but Delphine had always preferred cigarettes. She liked the way they tasted on her tongue, and the scent was easier to cover than the one that clung to her clothes and hair after spending a night with him and his friends. Cosima was more experienced than he had ever been. They didn't smoke much, but Delphine had no tolerance, and it wasn't long before her head was swimming pleasantly, and the smile that Cosima had stuck on her face grew wider and wider. Delphine couldn't so much as look at her without laughing. Her giggles would start Cosima off, and they wouldn't stop until Delphine's chest and stomach hurt from it.

“Why am I so hungry?” she asked, sprawled on the sofa beside Cosima. The brunette stretched her legs out across the coffee table, slowly sinking further and further down the cushions.

“Munchies,” she replied, and giggled. Delphine was convinced that Cosima wasn't quite as high as she was.

“I should make something,” Delphine said, a determined expression forming on her face. “Should I make something? I'm going to make something.” Lazily, she struggled to her feet, her limbs leaden.

“What are you going to make?” Cosima called after her. Her words were slurred and sounded as heavy as Delphine's body felt.

“Do we have jam?” Delphine asked.

“I think so, why?” Delphine chewed on her lip, searching through the fridge.

“And ham?”

“Yeah.” Her voice was closer.

“What about pasta?” A chair scraped across the floor behind her, followed by a grunt as Cosima settled in it.

“Check the cabinet with the peanut butter,” she replied. “...actually can I have that peanut butter?” Delphine side-stepped, holding the jar of jam and the packet of deli ham against her chest and bumping the door to the fridge shut with her hip. She answered Cosima's request, sliding the jar across the island counter top to her. The lid clattered as Cosima dropped it, a content groan slipping from her lips. “God, I love peanut butter.” Delphine rummaged through the cabinet, pushing cans and boxes aside until she found the bag of pasta hidden away on one of the shelves.

“Pot,” she said, turning around with her arms laden. Cosima raised a brow, a finger piled with peanut butter halfway to her mouth.

“We already had some,” she said, sucking her finger clean.

“No, I need a pot to cook in,” Delphine clarified, dumping the food she held on the counter.

“What are you even making?” Cosima mumbled through a mouth sticky with peanut butter.

“Ham and jam pasta,” Delphine replied. The pots and pans clunked loudly as she shifted them around to find the one she wanted.

“What the hell is that?” Cosima asked. Delphine shrugged.

“I want it,” she replied.

“Dude, me too. Make it. Make it right now.”

 

“Don't let the pasta burn, dude.”

“I'm-I'm not going to let the pasta burn, Cosima,” Delphine said. She'd been watching it like a hawk for the past five minutes to keep it from doing just that.

“Delphiiinnnneeeeeee, this is taking forever. I'm hungry,” Cosima whined. Delphine shushed her. Experimenting, she poked it with a fork, and satisfied with it's texture, strained it and dumped it into a bowl. Cosima reached out to steal a noodle only to have her hand slapped away, Delphine glaring at her.

“Wait,” she ordered, adding the ham she'd ripped up and spooning almost half of what was left of the jam to the bowl. “There,” she said after it was mixed together, licking the spoon off. Cosima pulled the bowl over, wrapping an arm around it almost possessively.

“Holy shit this is delicious,” she said, cleaning a spot of jam off of her lip with the tip of her tongue.

“Let me have it,” Delphine moaned, reaching. Cosima turned her body away. “Cosima!”

“Okay, okay,” the brunette agreed, “but we're going to the sofa; this chair is uncomfortable as hell.” Delphine followed her back out to the living room, settling beside her. Cosima balanced the bowl on their legs, groping for the TV remote. The devoured the meal within five minutes. Hunger satisfied, Delphine relaxed into the sofa, and let her head loll onto Cosima's shoulder with a yawn. Cosima echoed her. “I'm tired,” she announced. Delphine hummed. The world felt heavy. She closed her eyes.

 

Their parents found them slung over each other on the sofa, with their empty bowl of pasta on the floor and the kitchen needing cleaned. John took Marie's bag from her and crept past the sleeping girls towards the stairs. Marie cleaned up the bowl and put away the food they'd left on the counter, throwing out the rubbish. Even the noise of the water hitting the sink didn't wake them. Marie stopped again before following John upstairs to push Delphine's hair behind her ear and cover them both with the quilt folded across the back of the couch, removing Cosima's glasses and folding them neatly on the coffee table.


	9. Not-Date

Cosima woke up first, her brain registering nothing more than the warm body slumped against hers for several peaceful minutes. It was followed by static tingling up her legs. Trying not to wake Delphine, Cosima struggled to get her limbs to move, clumsily swinging herself upright and waiting until the pins and needles lessened enough that she could stand with a yawn. Delphine's sharp inhale alerted Cosima to her wakefulness.

“I'm going to bed,” Cosima mumbled. Delphine sat up, rubbing her eyes.

“Oui,” she agreed, slurring. “Moi, aussi.”

“Night, then,” Cosima replied.

“Bonne nuit.” Cosima dragged herself upstairs, falling unceremoniously into her bed with a grateful sigh. Her body missed Delphine's heat, but her blankets were soft and warm. She wiggled out of her pants, and pulled her bra from beneath her shirt, sliding under her duvet. A few minutes later, Delphine's bedroom door opened and shut with a soft squeak and click. Cosima drifted back to sleep not long after.

In the morning she remembered, and tried to forget. She pretended, when she could, that she hadn't gotten off to thoughts of her naked step-sister. She pretended things were normal, and that she hadn't been completely ruined by Delphine and everything she was. Sometimes it was easy. The science project had bonded them, whether or not Cosima wanted it. And she did, deep down. Regardless of her body's low hum whenever Delphine was close to her, she yearned for the blonde's company. The girl was her intellectual equal, something she'd given up trying to find, at least while she was still in high school. Delphine understood, despite her confusion when Cosima spoke too quickly. She made an effort, and that was more than anyone else did. Except maybe Scott, but he didn't count. She didn't have much difficulty finding excuses for them to spend time together.

“Hey, Delphine?” Cosima asked, curiosity pulling her mind away from her Bio notes. Delphine hummed from her perch on the edge of Cosima's bed. Cosima had left her plenty of space to sit, even with both their books and notebooks spread across, but she had been sat stiffly practically falling off the mattress despite Cosima's coaxing and reassurances. “How many people have you gone out with?” The question drew Delphine's attention. She set her book down.

“A few,” she replied. She hesitated. “Claude was the longest.”

“How long?” Cosima asked. Delphine shrugged a shoulder, and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Six months, I think,” she said. Cosima tapped her pen against her duvet, waiting.

“Are you doing okay?” Delphine nodded. “Good. Cool. I was worried.” She bit her lip once, spinning her pen between her fingers. “Do you miss him?” Delphine didn't say anything for a long moment. Finally, she shook her head with a quiet sigh.

“No. I don't miss him.” She met Cosima's eyes. “And you?” Cosima shook her head, but her throat was tight.

“Nah,” she said as casually as she could manage.

“What about Scott?” Delphine asked. “He is clearly in love with you.” Cosima scoffed, and laughed so abruptly that she snorted.

“Are you serious? He's a seventeen year old _boy_ ; he falls in love with anything that moves so long as it has a nice rack and a good pair of legs,” she said. “Did you _see_ the way he looked at you when you met?” Delphine bit her lip, her face tinged pink. Cosima's flushed to match. “Besides, I could totally do better. ...that makes me sound really shallow.” Delphine chuckled softly.

“ _Do_ you fall in love with anything with a 'nice rack and a good pair of legs?'” she asked. _Only if they understand me like you do,_ Cosima thought. _Shit, no. Do_ not _say that. Repeat: donotsaythat._

“Oh, yeah, totally,” she said instead, nodded and furrowing her brow. “You know me. I like them all beauty, no brains.” It earned her another laugh.

“I think you are lying,” Delphine said through a grin.

“Yeah, you're right. I like brainy girls.” It wasn't the smoothest coming out. _Shit._

“You... like girls,” Delphine repeated, frowning ever so lightly. Cosima swallowed down the urge to barf.

“I, uh... yeah. Is that... cool?” Delphine chewed on her lip, examining Cosima. She felt like a lab subject. After a moment, the blonde's lips twitched into a smile.

“Yes,” she replied. “I think that maybe girls are better than boys, sometimes.” The tension in Cosima's shoulders faded. She laughed, despite herself.

“Yeah, sometimes. My ex is a real bitch, though.”

“How so?” Delphine asked. She shifted on the bed, her movements lightly bouncing Cosima. She still sat by the edge, but looked less like a puff of air would topple her to the floor.

“I thought she was super cool when we met, and like, I didn't know many lesbians or anything. She ended up being super pushy. Dad didn't like her.”

“Her and Claude would suit each other perfectly,” Delphine said, scowling.

“He's still an asshole,” Cosima said. Delphine's features relaxed. She pulled her book back onto her lap, pushing her hair behind her ear with a smile.

 

Cosima passed by them between classes when she stopped at her locker to switch her books out. She wanted to think it was Scott staring at them that drew her attention, and not the fact that she could pick out Delphine's accent above the bustle of the hall. She was talking to Mark, one of the football players. Delphine looked small compared to him, holding her books to her chest.

“So, uh, do you wanna maybe grab a movie sometime?” she heard him say. Cosima's face distorted into a scowl. She watched with one hand stuffed in her locker as Delphine blushed and tugged on the strap of her bag. Cosima slammed her locker shut, jealousy flaring up in her chest, followed by a sick dread. She wanted to punch him. Stupid Mark with his stupid face and his stupid muscles that Delphine probably swooned over, not that she'd ever seen her step-sister looking at him at all, let alone admiring his physique. She slammed her locker shut.

“No,” she heard Delphine say. “I don't think so, but thank you. Maybe... some other time?”

“I wish I could ask her out,” Scott said dreamily next to her. “But if she won't go out with him I don't have a chance.” Cosima punched his shoulder. “Ow!” he exclaimed, rubbing his arm. “What was that for?” Cosima glared at him, and stalked off in the opposite direction Delphine had gone, pushing through the crowd. “What did I do!?” Nothing. That was the problem. He hadn't done anything that was out of the ordinary for him. That would be out of the ordinary for anyone. Mark hadn't either, and she still wanted to hit him. Preferably where it would hurt most.

 

“There's some French film playing at the movie theatre, Delphine,” John said when he got home, his voice muffled by Cosima's door. She tugged an earbud out to listen. “I think it starts around seven, if you're interested.”

“What is it about?” Delphine asked.

“Can't remember. I heard a passing conversation at work. Something about soulmates and reincarnation, but supposedly it's pretty good. Maybe Cosima will go with you.” She heard his heavy steps creak along the floor, passing her door and down the stairs. She waited, listening for the thud of Delphine's door shutting. A knock came instead.

“Yeah?” she called, swinging her legs around to sit up on her bed. Delphine pushed the door open, bracing herself between it and the frame with her weight balanced unevenly.

“I know you were listening,” she said. Cosima blushed. “So? Do you want to come with me?”

 _It's not a date. She did not ask me on a date. This is not a date. She's my sister and she asked me to go see a movie. That is something normal sisters do. This is normal. Normal, normal, normal. Sibling, sibling, sibling._ Delphine looked puzzled when Cosima pulled her into a convenience store on their way down to the theatre.

“Isn't there a snack bar there?” she asked.

“Didn't you do this back home?” Cosima replied, piling candy up in her arms.

“I made Claude buy me food. Isn't that what boyfriends are for?”

“Well, yeah, but I don't have the money for that,” Cosima mumbled, tumbling boxes and two drinks onto the counter. “See?” she said when the total rang up. “Cheap. Here put these in your bag.” She handed Delphine the soda bottles, accepting the bag given to her by the cashier.

“Cosima, we can't walk in with these,” Delphine said, still sounding confused.

“No shit,” Cosima replied. She stopped Delphine from entering the building, pulling her a pace to the side to clear the door. “Put these in your pockets,” she said, handing candy over. “Is there any more room in your purse?”

“Not with the drinks, no,” Delphine replied. Cosima hummed, then slipped a box under her shirt, securing it in the waist of her skirt. She gave the other box to Delphine, then fixed her shirt until the shape of it was almost unnoticeable. She laughed at the state of Delphine's.

“Let me fix that,” she said, reaching. Delphine tilted her head to the side, giggling as Cosima nudged the box around until it wasn't quite so visible. “You should wear looser shirts. Just like, hold your bag in front of it or something. They don't care, but it's kind of stupid to be super obvious about it.” Delphine's nervousness was entertaining, but no one in the theatre batted an eye. Cosima found them the best seats, high up enough that unless someone spectacularly tall sat in the row below, there'd be no risk of Cosima having her view blocked. Delphine settled next to her, distributing the drinks and food.

The music was nice, Cosima thought, staring hard at the screen. Subtitles were good. Naked women were good. Naked women were excellent. Cosima tried to keep her cool. Delphine was un-phased. She must have been used to it, Cosima mused. She was more than okay with it herself, but she couldn't help how her cheeks burned, and couldn't have been more thankful for the dark that hid their colour. Delphine's arm bumped against hers as she went for her soda. She mumbled an apology. _Play it cool, Cos._ She breathed in deeply, and sunk down into her chair. _Not a date. Just a movie._ She held her breath. Delphine's fingers brushed along hers again. No apology followed.

 

“Well, that was depressing,” Cosima concluded, wrapping her arms around herself.

“It was beautiful,” Delphine replied, falling easily into step next to her.

“Are all French films like that?” Delphine laughed.

“Did you not like it?”

“No, I did. Especially the first five minutes.” She grinned. Delphine smiled back.

“She is attractive, yes,” she agreed. _Looked a bit like you_ , Cosima thought before she could stop it from forming. She cleared her throat, uncomfortable. “Thank you for going with me.”

“Yeah, totally. I need some cartoons or something now, though. That was some deep shit.” Delphine chewed on her lip. “You up for it?”

“No,” she said, her fingers threading through her hair. “No, I am going to read, I think.”

“You can share my Netflix if you want,” Cosima offered.

“Thank you, but I have work to do for class.” She smiled, taking the sting of disappointment out of her words. They parted outside their rooms, doors softly shutting almost simultaneously.


	10. Mark

She couldn't sit on Cosima's bed without remembering what had happened, as much as she tried to ignore it. It hadn't happened again, sparing Delphine the temptation to listen, but the memory of the sounds echoed in her head at night. All it would have taken to avoid everything was for Cosima to be in her room instead, but that was almost just as bad. It _was_ just as bad, Cosima in her space, radiating warmth and comfort from every pore with only her presence. But, at least then she wouldn't be stiffly sat in the middle of Cosima's bed with her mind constantly, relentlessly reminding her of what Cosima had done under the cover of her blankets. Her showers had been growing colder. Delphine could hardly stand the temperature, but the sharp needles of icy water hitting her flesh were more effective at relieving the tension in her muscles than heat did.

It was all messed up. _I know what she did here,_ Delphine thought, her fingers digging into the bulk of Cosima's duvet. _I heard her. I heard her and I-_ She what? She had liked it? She'd been aroused? She couldn't have been. It wasn't right. Cosima was family. Close family. They were sisters. She couldn't. She wasn't. She-the lie didn't fully form. The attraction was obvious. It fizzled under her skin, taunting her. She sighed, biting into her lip. She could hardly think for it all. Half the time her mind violently rejected it, and the other half wondered and imagined, and made her watch and stare, and smile when Cosima began to ramble. A hand waved in front of her face, breaking her from her stupor.

“Delphine, hey. Earth to blondie.” Delphine blinked, and glanced over. Cosima rolled her eyes. “Have you heard a single thing I've said?” No, she hadn't. She'd forgotten that Cosima was even there, only aware of the thoughts that tumbled around in her own mind.

“I'm sorry,” she said. Cosima huffed, faking irritation.

“It's fine, it's not like I was saying anything important,” she sighed.

“Were you?” The brunette grinned, and raised a brow in challenge. Smirking, she reached out to poke Delphine's side. Delphine squealed, and squirmed away, the light touch ticklish against her sensitive skin, even through her shirt. Cosima's gaze twinkled with an amused curiosity. She poked Delphine again, prompting another squeak. Delphine didn't like the glint in her eyes. “Cosima...”

“Ticklish?” she asked.

“No,” Delphine replied too quickly, feeling her face burn lightly. Cosima's smirk grew. “Don't you dare.”

“What?” Cosima asked innocently, shuffling closer.

“Do not even think about it.” Cosima launched at her, fingers wiggling against her sides and stomach, like Delphine's own had done at the lake. She fell back, the weight of Cosima's body and the force of her laughter making it impossible to stay upright. Cosima followed, digging her fingers into Delphine's ribs. Her lungs sputtered for air, laughter ringing in her ears. One of them kicked a book off the bed, its thud inaudible over their giggles. Delphine curled her knees up to her chest to protect her stomach, but Cosima elbowed them back down, using her weight to her advantage. Delphine groped for her wrists, moving to Cosima's hips when they eluded her, and pushed.

“Nice try,” Cosima gasped through a laugh. “I'm totally stronger than you.” Delphine squeezed Cosima's sides. The brunette squeaked in alarm. Delphine took advantage of the opening she had, arching her weight and rolling them to the side until she was in the superior position, with Cosima wriggling beneath her and squealing with laughter.

“Who is stronger now?” Delphine gasped, her cheeks, and chest, and stomach hurting from laughing and grinning.

“No!” Cosima shouted in protest. Her body bucked up, pressing flush against Delphine's, grinding and rubbing as she tried to regain control.

“Admit it!” Delphine repeated. “You won't win.” Cosima's breath was hot against her neck and collar, blowing in harsh, uneven puffs between her giggles. She managed, finally, to secure a tight grip around Cosima's wrists. She forced them down against the mattress, one on either side of Cosima's head, with a triumphant grin, gasping air into her lungs.

“Okay,” Cosima whispered, her voice raw. Delphine felt her breath ghost over her lips. “You win.” _How did she get so close?_

“Yeah?” she breathed out. Her fingers were burning. Cosima's body was warm against hers, both their chests heaving from the exertion. Cosima swallowed, and looked up at her with dark eyes. Her own gaze shifted, dropping briefly to Cosima's lips, then back up, and then again, as though they couldn't decide which feature was more attractive. The air was thick, almost suffocating in its density. The sounds of their laboured breathing were all Delphine could hear.

“Yeah,” Cosima repeated, and turned her head. Their noses brushed. Delphine's lungs compressed, forcing her breath out in a shaky rush. Beneath her hands, Cosima's fingers flexed, her wrists pushing against Delphine's palms. Cosima shifted her head again; a soft nuzzle along Delphine's nose. Her throat closed, a lump sticking hard, heart pounding harder than it had been before. Her eyes slid shut, head dipping to meet Cosima's as the brunette tilted hers up. She could feel the heat from Cosima's lips, how they trembled ever so slightly. Just a bit more, and then—

“Girls!” John's voice echoed from below. “Dinner!” Delphine's eyes snapped open, her expression mirrored by Cosima's own. She scrambled off her step-sister, putting what distance she could between them, her eyes wide and panicked. Cosima sat up quickly, opening her mouth to speak, but she floundered, able to do nothing more than gape. “Girls!”

“Co-” Cosima's voice cracked. “Coming!”

She wasn't just attracted to Cosima, she was aroused. Her whole body hummed, buzzing angrily in protest at having been denied what it wanted. Their parents could tell something was off, Delphine knew from the looks on their faces, but they didn't know—couldn't know... Feeling sick, Delphine asked for the bowl of salad by Cosima's elbow. Cosima's reaction was slow. She stared down at her plate until John nudged her shoulder and said her name. Cosima mumbled an apology under her breath. The touch of her fingers to Delphine's burned so hotly that she almost dropped the bowl. Marie gave her a concerned glanced.

“Ça va, Delphy?” she cooed, tucking Delphine's hair behind her ear.

“Ça va, Maman,” Delphine muttered, and pulled away from the touch. She sighed. “I'm tired.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I'm going to go lay down.” She stood quietly, clearing her plate. She could feel Cosima's eyes boring into the space between her shoulder blades as she left the room. She ignored her bedroom, heading straight for a cold shower.

When she finished, feeling no more relieved for it, Cosima's door was shut. Delphine assumed locked as well. She hid in her own room, clutching her towel to her chest and clenching her thighs together with a frustrated groan. _I'm not attracted to her. I don't want her. I'm not gay. I don't like girls._

“I'm not gay,” she said out loud. The words felt wrong in her mouth. _Anyone but Cosima, please, god, anyone but her._

 

They didn't speak on the way to school. Delphine's body called out to Cosima, but she ignored it, and split away as soon as they arrived. She caught sight of Mark a few hours later, just before her and Cosima's shared science class. After a moment of hesitation, she called to him, drawing his attention from his friends.

“About the other day,” she started, when he was in front of her. “I've changed my mind. Is the offer still open?”

“Yeah, totally,” Mark replied. His voice was rough against her ears. “Do you wanna go out for dinner, or see a movie, or...” Delphine let her lip slide between her teeth.

“Dinner is good,” she said, nodding her head in confirmation, more for her own benefit than for his.

“Cool. Give me your address, and I'll pick you up?” He patted his pockets, coming up with a chewed pen and a crumpled bit of paper. Delphine used the wall for support, and handed him his things back with a smile. “How's six sound?”

“Good,” Delphine said, with another affirmative nod. “Good. I'll see you then.” She smiled at him, and turned to leave for class.

Cosima didn't speak to her, and thank god they didn't have lab work, because Delphine couldn't fathom being forced to sit so close to her, even with Scott between them. Every now and then she picked up on the familiar murmur of her voice, but it was nothing more than a hushed, barely whispered word to something Scott said into her ear. The closest of the two to the door, Delphine was out of the room before Cosima even left her seat, putting much needed distance between them. She only lingered briefly after school, waiting for Cosima, but when the brunette didn't show, she walked home on her own.

The house was still empty when she arrived. Sighing, Delphine slumped on the sofa and let her bag fall to the side with a soft thump. Three hours. Maybe all she needed was to find someone else. Someone to replace Claude for her. Someone not Cosima. She wondered where her step-sister was. As the time passed and no one showed, her worry grew. Finally, when she was upstairs fixing her hair and make up for the night, she heard the door open. Too early for their parents to be home, Delphine peeked down the stairs to catch a glimpse of Cosima sitting where she had before. Delphine retreated, finishing her make up with lightly trembling fingers. John arrived not much later, Marie with him.

It felt safe to leave her room with the adults around. Marie noticed her first; the nicer clothes, the carefully applied cosmetics, the freshly straightened hair, and gave her a curious glance.

“You look nice,” she commented from the door, setting down her bags.

“I'm going out tonight,” Delphine replied. Cosima's head snapped up so hard Delphine swore she heard it crack

“With a boy?” Marie asked. John paused in the kitchen doorway.

“Who's going out with a boy?” he asked, looking over his shoulder.

“Yes,” Delphine said.

“Who?” Cosima asked sharply at the same time Marie said,

“Merveilleux!” Delphine bit her lip, ignoring her mother in favour of Cosima's attention.

“Who?” Cosima repeated, staring hard at her. Delphine stared back, her eyes defiant.

“Mark,” she replied. Cosima's face darkened, and she turned away. Delphine tucked her hair behind her ear, fighting against the ache building in her chest. “He'll be here soon, so... I won't need dinner.

“Just be safe,” John said, but his eyes were on his own daughter, brows furrowed in concern the same way hers did. Cosima darted to the far end of the sofa when Delphine sat next to her to wait, her gaze firmly locked on her laptop. She was trying to act normal, but Delphine could see the faint line between her eyebrows. A car honked from outside a few minutes later. Marie peeked out the window, and with a smile announced Mark's arrival.

“Oh, you're going now?” Cosima asked when Delphine got to her feet. Her tone was full of an acidity Delphine had never heard before, at least not directed at her. “I hope you have oh so much fun.” John picked up on it right away.

“What's wrong with you?” he asked from his spot in his armchair, watching the news.

“Nothing,” Cosima said with a shrug, raising her hands defensively. “Just telling Delphine to have a good night out.” John's reply was lost behind the closing of the front door. Mark waved at her from the car, and leaned over the seat to open the door for her.

 

Mark was talking about football. It was only natural, since he played for the team, and it was Delphine's own fault for asking about it, but she didn't understand what he was saying. It wasn't her English, or him speaking too quickly like Cosima did, she just didn't understand. It had happened with Claude as well, whenever he went on about whatever latest game he had watched. Delphine slowly cut her chicken and tried to feign interest. He was trying, too hard, she thought, but he was trying, and that, at least, was admirable. She wondered what Cosima was doing; wondered the real reason behind her sharp tone. _No, stop. Focus._

“What do you like to do?” Mark asked, breaking through the fog.

“Science,” Delphine replied. “I'm in AP Bio. I really, really like immunology.” And there it was. He didn't understand the intricacies that came with the field she enjoyed so much, and so his eyes narrowed slightly in confusion.

“You going to be a doctor or something?” he asked. Delphine shrugged, the spark of excitement in her chest fading to nothing.

“No,” she said, going back to her food. “Not in the medical sense.”

“I never got science. Too hard. Not that you liking it isn't cool or anything.” Delphine smiled and shrugged, and let him direct the conversation to something else.

Delphine hadn't a clue what compelled him to think going for a kiss on the first date was an acceptable end to the night. Maybe he thought that it was all right because she was French. Delphine responded eagerly, despite it. She let Mark rest his hands on her hips and left hers lightly on his shoulders. He was sloppy, more-so than Claude had been, but at least with him there had been a spark; an attraction. Her mind wandered. Cosima's lips looked nicer than his, she thought. She was probably a better kisser than he was. She wondered how soft they would feel against her own. Delphine pulled away abruptly with an apologetic smile, her heart a lump in her throat.

“So, can we do this again?” Mark asked. Delphine hesitated, then nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and slipped through the door before he could say anything else. The tightness in her chest loosened enough to let her breathe. On her way past the living room, a familiar body caught her gaze out of the corner of her eye.

“Nice night?” Cosima asked, with only a brief glance up from her book, curled up in the armchair her father had inhabited when Delphine had left.

“Yes,” Delphine replied. Cosima turned a page, and absently rubbed at an eye beneath her glasses.

“Your lipstick's smudged,” she said, flatly. Delphine's hand darted to her face to brush against her lips, her cheeks burning. She left without a word, hurrying up the stairs. Cosima wasn't jealous, she told herself, and rubbed her fingers over where her make up had smeared at the corner of her lip.

 

Cosima left before she did, for once. The only sign she'd been in the house at all was the presence of an empty cereal bowl in the sink when Delphine placed her own dishes with it. She saw Mark before she saw her step-sister, waiting outside her science class. His presence confused her. She almost turned around to dart into the nearest bathroom, but he spotted her before she could make her escape and waved at her in greeting. Biting her lip, Delphine pushed through the stream of students in her path to stand before him, tilting her head back.

“Hey, so about going out again,” he started. Delphine held in a sigh and glanced around. She had forgotten she'd agreed, in the terror that had followed her thoughts the previous night. “You wanna go see a movie?” Delphine threaded her fingers through her hair, watching people bustle past her. She was about to open her mouth to reply when Cosima slipped through the crowd, catching sight of her and meeting her eyes. She frowned lightly. “Delphine?” She turned back to him and stood on her toes to grab his face, pulling his lips down to hers. They pressed messily, his surprise delaying his reaction for a very long second. She was flushed when she pulled away, glancing at Cosima out of the corner of her eye. The brunette's face had soured, her eyes sharp behind her glasses. Delphine dropped her hand from the back of Mark's neck, staring at her.

“Yes,” Delphine said.

“Wow, okay,” Mark breathed. Delphine stepped away from his hands. “I'll pick you up again?” Cosima knocked her shoulder into him on her way into the room, stepping past Delphine without so much as a second glance. Mark scoffed, and scowled at her retreating back. “Bitch.” Delphine frowned, biting her lip in annoyance.

“I'll meet you there,” she said shortly. “Seven.” Cosima didn't look at her when she sat at her desk, and didn't speak to her during their lab project. Scott took advantage of her silence to pay full attention to Delphine, but she couldn't stop glancing past him to where his friend was scowling into her microscope, glasses pushed onto the top of her head.

 

John and Marie went out for a dinner date, leaving Delphine alone again the house with a sulking Cosima. Her step-sister holed herself up in her room, and the second after their parents shut the front door behind them, started blasting her music. Delphine scowled at her laptop, but tried to ignore it. They wouldn't be alone forever. When the adults came back, Cosima would turn her music down so everyone could relax for the night. Or at least she would put headphones in. She wasn't discourteous. Most of the time. It was still irritating, especially with her and Cosima's taste in music being completely different.

Delphine sighed, slouching against the sofa and digging her teeth into her lip. Her hand found her forehead, fingers pushing into her temples, trying to massage the tension away. Cosima's music pounded at her ears. She bit down on her lip too hard through a sigh and winced at the pain it caused, her frown deepening. She couldn't focus. Slamming her computer shut, she rose, tucking it under her arm and trumping up the stairs. She was passing Cosima's door when the music stopped and it opened. Cosima cursed, and stopped short. Delphine glanced at her, but continued to her own room. She felt Cosima follow.

“Going to get ready for your date?” she asked, leaning against Delphine's door frame. Delphine looked over her shoulder, tossing her laptop onto her bed.

“No, not yet,” Delphine replied, turning around to face her.

“You could sound a bit more enthusiastic,” Cosima muttered, frowning. “Mark's cute, right?” She stepped into the room, crossing her arms over her chest. “Tall, beefy. Just your type, right?”

“What do you want, Cosima?” Delphine sighed, brushing her hand across her eyes. Cosima paused. The air between them was heavy. Delphine's body coiled tight, her heart pounding in her chest.

“Stop pretending like you want to go out with him again,” Cosima said, hovering by the door.

“I'm not pretending,” Delphine replied.

“Yeah, you are,” Cosima argued. “You said no first, I saw you, so why are you suddenly all over him? We need to admit what this is really about.” Delphine couldn't breathe. “You don't want him, so why are you going out with him again?”

“You don't know what I want,” Delphine said, her voice weak. She could feel her body trembling.

“Not him,” Cosima replied. Her back hit the wall with a harsh thud. Delphine grasped at her face, fiercely pushing their mouths together. Her body screamed, pressing to the other girl's as firmly as it could. Cosima kissed back immediately, her hands gripping tightly to Delphine's hips, blunt nails digging roughly into her clothes and her skin, holding her close. She was burning, all of the want that had been building in the pit of her stomach since that morning at the lake returning with the force of a hurricane, raging inside her chest. It was as good as she had imagined. So much better than Mark. Better than Claude. Cosima's lips were soft and warm and skilled. She barely managed to gasp in a quick, needy breath before Cosima's lips were on hers again, Delphine's desperation echoed by her own. Delphine jerked away as suddenly as she'd pounced, slapping her hand over her mouth. Flustered, Cosima stared at her, still leaning against the wall. Delphine's stomach churned violently. Leaving Cosima dazed, she rushed out of the house, her long legs helping to carry her away from it and from Cosima. She was going to be sick.


	11. Desperation

“Shit. Shit. ...shit. Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit.” Cosima touched her lips, still burning, still tingling, her body warm and fizzing. She was frozen, rooted to the spot, still feeling the pressure of Delphine's lips hard against hers. She sucked a shaky breath into her lungs. A blush crept onto her face, starting at her cheeks and spreading to cover her face, and neck, and ears. “Oh, god. Oh, _fuck_.” Her head was buzzing, thoughts whipping through her mind too fast for her to catch a single one, the sound of it loud in her ears. She'd long gone past the point of denying that she wanted it, but she'd resigned herself to yearning without being able to have it, and hoping that it would fade or someone else would come along and fix it. Never had she expected _that_. She hadn't meant—they just needed to talk about had what happened. The almost kiss. It needed to be said, to be acknowledged, to be discussed so that they could move on from it and go back to how things had been before, when they could look each other in the eye again. She found her way back to her room and sat heavily on her bed. “Shit.”

 

When her parents got back, Cosima hadn't moved except to fall back on her bed with a heavy sigh and stare up at the ceiling, her brain replaying the feel of Delphine's lips on hers on repeat. She listened to the soft murmur of their voices drifting through her open door. Cosima pushed up on her elbows to stand and close it, but was frozen by the sound of Marie calling her daughter's name. Cosima didn't know where Delphine was. Out on her date with Mark, she presumed. The thought left a bad taste in her mouth. Marie repeated her name. When the absent Delphine didn't reply, she followed it with,

“Cosima?” _Shit._

“Y-Yeah?” Cosima called. The stairs creaked under Marie's weight, and a moment later she was standing in the doorway, curious.

“Where is Delphine?” she asked.

“She's, uh, out again. With Mark.”

“Oh, good,” Marie replied, smiling. “It is so good to see her making friends.” Cosima hummed in response, looking away.

“Yeah,” she said. “Great.” Marie turned to leave, then stopped and looked back.

“Are you well, Cosima?” she asked. “You look very... flushed.” _Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I didn't just violently make out with your daughter or anything._

“Yeah, I'm cool,” she said. “Just a bit warm in here.” Marie nodded slowly.

“Your father and I were speaking tonight about how you and I should spend some time together, and him with Delphine. I thought perhaps tomorrow I could take you out after school? To the mall, maybe?” Cosima resisted the urge to balk, fixing a smile on her face.

“Yeah,” she said. “Sounds great.” _No,_ she thought, the smile dropping the second her door shut. _No, because all I can think about is your daughter kissing me and these are not good thoughts to have on a mother-daughter bonding trip. Shit._

Cosima was still awake after the adults had retired for the night, distracting herself with the internet, when the front door shut. Her ears perked at the sound, drawing her attention to it. She pushed her laptop off her legs and swung them out of bed, opening her door in time to catch Delphine coming up the stairs. She froze when she spotted Cosima, her eyes going wide. Her face was pale, like she'd been sick, and her hand trembled slightly against the stair railing.

“Delphine,” Cosima started, but the blonde darted past her and into her room, locking the door behind her. Cosima sighed, frustrated. She couldn't risk waking up their parents by banging on the door in hopes that Delphine would open it, especially when she probably wouldn't. She lingered in her own doorway, digging her nails into the wood. She could hear Delphine moving, then the gentle knock of her bed against the wall they shared. Cosima returned to her own, slinking under the covers with her laptop forgotten by her side.

 

She got up early to try and catch Delphine, but she woke up to an empty house. The walk to school gave her plenty of time to think, the exact opposite of what she wanted. She needed to get Delphine alone. No, not alone. Alone would be bad, but she needed to have the blonde's attention. There wasn't any sign of her in the halls, or at lunch, and her desk in science was empty. There was no opportunity to wait after and see if she showed up either, after a text informed her that Marie was waiting for her outside. Cosima held in a sigh. It wasn't that spending time with Marie was a bad thing, it was that Cosima couldn't look her step-mother in the eye without remembering that she'd kissed Delphine, and that felt like a violation of absolutely everything.

“How are you, Cosima?” Marie asked when she got in the car.

“Fine,” Cosima replied. “Thanks.” She fidgeted nervously in her seat.

“Would you like to get food?”

“Yeah, totally. I'm starving.”

Marie bought her a flurry from McDonald's without making her eat a regular meal first, and in doing so immediately endeared herself to Cosima. She happily licked at her spoon, listening to Marie talk about living in France. When the conversation turned to her ex-husband, she put down her dessert to focus her full attention.

“He was not ready to be a father,” Marie said, and smiled sadly. “Delphine hardly knows him. If you showed her a photograph, she would know his face, but she has not see him since she was a small girl.” She waved her hand dismissively. “But enough sad talk. Are you and Delphine getting along well?” Cosima bit down on her spoon.

“Yeah, totally.” _I kissed your daughter._

“And she is settling in okay at school, yes? She must be, if she is going on dates.” Cosima bristled. _I'm a better kisser than Mark._

“Yeah, she's cool. Gorgeous, French, you know how it is. She's not having any trouble making friends.” _I did not just call your daughter gorgeous. Shit._ Marie chuckled.

“She was very popular back home, as well,” she said.

“I don't doubt it,” Cosima replied, and picked up her ice cream again. Maybe she could freeze her thoughts if she ate it fast enough. Marie was silent for a few moments, until Cosima finished her treat and licked a melted drop off the edge of her lip.

“Cosima, I know I am not a replacement for your mother, and I am not trying to be, but thank you for giving me this chance.” Cosima's chest clenched hard.

“As long as Dad is happy,” she said, and plastered a smile on. “And he's happier than I've ever seen him, so...” Marie smiled, and squeezed her hand.

“Would you like to go shopping?” Cosima nodded, stuffing her trash into the empty flurry cup. _I kissed your daughter._

**We need to talk** , she texted Delphine in the car on the way to the mall. The messaged registered as read, but no reply came. **Delphine.**

**We need to talk.**

**Answer me.**

**Delphine seriously.**

**Will you just say something please?** It was a productive shopping trip, at least, Delphine's silence and her own racing mind aside. Both her and Marie left with a bag, Marie's full of chocolate for Delphine and for herself, and Cosima's of new clothes. _I kissed your daughter_ , she thought again, holding in a sigh. _I kissed your daughter, and I liked it. How's that for family bonding, huh? Shit._

 

“You just missed Delphine,” John said when the two of them walked in the front door. “She went upstairs.”

“Cosima,” Marie said, handing her a box of chocolate. “Are you going up? Would you take this to her?” Cosima wordlessly accepted the box, carrying it and her clothes upstairs. She tossed her bag into her room, and took a deep breath before knocking on Delphine's door.

“Delphine.” No answer. “Delphine, I have candy from Marie for you.” There was shifting behind the door, then it cracked open. “Delphine, we need to ta-” But Delphine snatched the chocolate from her, and shut the door again before she could finish her sentence. “Delphine!” she repeated, annoyed when Delphine didn't reply again. Cosima huffed and retreated to her own room, only just managing to not slam the door.

Delphine was gone again the next morning, but there was no distraction to save her from Cosima when they were both at home at the end of the day. Cosima waited, ambushing Delphine before she could hide in her room. Her fingers wrapped tightly around the blonde's elbow, keeping her from walking past.

“Delphine,” she said sharply, drowning out Delphine's shout of protest. “We need to talk about what happened.” A panicked expression crossed Delphine's face. “We _need_ to talk!”

“Nothing, Cosima!” Delphine yelled, and wrenched her arm free. “Nothing happened!” She slammed her door shut. Cosima pounded on it, calling Delphine's name, but she was ignored again.

Delphine cited a headache when dinner was called, staying locked up in her room while Cosima sulked through the meal, much to her father's concern.

“I'm just tired,” she finally said. It was only half a lie. She washed the dishes by hand, using the heat of the water and the pounding of it bouncing off the wink to distract herself. Part of her wanted to linger downstairs and read until she fell asleep on the sofa, but it meant socializing, so instead, Cosima took herself up to her room and plugged her headphones into her computer.

It was late before she put her book down to try to sleep. Her eyes were burning from reading too long, and her back was cramped from sitting in one spot for the past two hours, but she wasn't tired. It was only school the next day that drove her to seek solace beneath her blankets. In the dark, she stared at her clock, chewing absently on her lip. Finally, she sighed, and rolled into a more comfortable position, shutting her eyes. After a moment, she moved, then moved again, a spot that once felt nice swiftly turning the opposite.

She sighed again, frustrated, wound up, annoyed, and angry. Cosima was supposed to be the stubborn one, not Delphine. They needed to talk about what had happened. It wouldn't do either of them any good to just ignore it, especially when it was constantly on Cosima's mind, and she didn't doubt that it was on Delphine's, too. Cosima pulled her pillow of her head, muffling a groan. Through the fabric, she heard the creak of her door. She pushed her pillow harder against her face, body tensing.

“What do you want, Delphine?” she asked. “I'm trying to sleep.” Her bed dipped. She pulled her pillow away, turning her head to look over her shoulder, squinting in the dark. “What do you want?” she repeated. The mattress shifted again, her sheets rustling. Delphine's hand hit her shoulder, rolling her abruptly onto her back. Soft lips crushed against hers. Her body eagerly responded before her startled brain could catch up. Delphine's weight shifted, her leg swinging over Cosima's thigh and pressing against her. A moan caught in her throat, muffled by the pressure of Delphine's lips. Delphine's hands ghosted from her shoulders down her sides to her hips, pushing up under her shirt to dig into the warm skin beneath. Cosima gasped in breaths against her lips.

She could feel Delphine's warmth against her bare thigh. Her body was on fire, fuelled by how Delphine's fingers clutched at her, digging into her hips and her sides, pushing her shirt up to scrape against her ribs and the sides of her breasts. Cosima rocked up against her, clinging tightly to the blonde's hips. Her skin was hot to the touch. She tugged on Cosima's lip with her teeth, exhaling shakily against her jaw, her lips trailing down to Cosima's neck.

“On peut pas,” she hissed, nipping beneath Cosima's ear. “C'est pas correct.” _God, I never want to hear English again,_ Cosima thought, turning her head to nip Delphine's ear in response. She pushed up to shift her weight, wanting to roll them over, wanting to push Delphine into her mattress, but the sudden gasp of air and short whine that followed stopped her. She tightened her hold on Delphine's hips and pushed down. Delphine rocked against her, hiding her face at the base of Cosima's neck. Her whimpers vibrated across Cosima's flesh. A sheen of sweat gathered on Cosima's forehead. Delphine's short exhales left a damp heat against her neck.

The smooth undulation of her hips morphed into frenzied, jerked thrusts. Cosima nudged at her head with her nose and lips until Delphine lifted hers enough for them to kiss again, the force of it pushing Cosima's head back into her pillows. Delphine's nails bit painfully into her ribs, her groans caught by Cosima's lips.

“On peu-” she started again, only to be cut off by her own sharp gasp, and a sharper moan she barely managed to bite down on in time to keep it from sounding too loudly. Cosima slipped her hands along her sides as she began to tremble, holding her still while she hid her face again and scraped her nails down Cosima's ribs. Delphine froze, her teeth sinking into Cosima's shoulder. Cosima winced at the pain, moving one hand from the blonde's waist to tangle it in her hair until her body slumped, shaking, on top of her own.

Pride unfurled in her chest, a grin forming, invisible in the darkness. She stroked her hand through Delphine's hair, rubbing the base of the other girl's skull with the side of her thumb, letting her leg fall. Delphine's body moved with her, her arms still caught beneath Cosima's shirt. Cosima greedily pulled air into her lungs. She hadn't even had to touch her, she thought, smile turning into a smirk. This gorgeous girl, and she hadn't even touched her. She was still shaking, too. It took a moment for Cosima to notice the wetness sinking into her skin.

“Fuck,” she whispered. “Fuck, Delphine. Delphine, it's okay.”

“Non, c’est pas okay, Cosima! Rien ne vas! ” Delphine cried into her shoulder. Cosima's brain whirred, trying to find the right thing to say. She pushed her fingers tighter into Delphine's hair and wrapped her other arm around the blonde's back.

“Ça va, Delphine,” she whispered, hoping it would help. “Ça va. T-Tout va bien.” Delphine burrowed tighter against her, her soft sobs blocked from the air by the fabric of Cosima's shirt.

 

She couldn't bring herself to meet Delphine's eyes. All of the satisfaction she had felt the night before faded the minute she realized she wasn't alone in her bed. Delphine's face was still splotchy, her eyes red and tired when she blinked them open. Cosima watched as she orientated herself, and lifted her arm from where it was draped over Cosima's waist.

“Delphine,” Cosima whispered. Delphine's eyes darted to hers quickly, then she pulled away, untangling herself from Cosima's bedsheets, and leaving without a word. The door shut softly behind her. Cosima threw her arm over her eyes and sighed heavily. She tried not to be obvious, but her father knew her too well, and Delphine was just as bad as she was. Whatever her step-sister's desire had been, she'd had it sated, but Cosima could have been standing on the sun for all she knew. It was a one-off, she thought. Some sudden burst of want or lust or something.

Cosima had almost managed to convince herself that it wouldn't happen again, but the next night she found Delphine in her room when she returned from brushing her teeth, and before she could ask what the blonde wanted, she was pressed up against the door with a greedy mouth devouring hers.

“Delphine,” Cosima gasped between kisses.

“Don't talk,” Delphine whispered back, pulling Cosima to the bed, her hands lifting Cosima's shirt. “Please, don't talk.” She wouldn't have been able to if she wanted. Delphine tugged her shirt off, and pushed her down onto the bed, holding her jaw and neck while they kissed. Delphine undulated into her lap, panting out soft moans against her lips. Cosima flipped them over, pinning Delphine down with her weight and pulling at the blonde's clothes. As soon as Delphine kicked her pants off, she guided Cosima's hand between her legs.

“Delphine,” Cosima husked again.

“It wasn't enough,” Delphine replied. “Please.”

“Have you-” Cosima started, arching when Delphine's nails dug into her shoulders. Delphine shook her head, teeth finding Cosima's ear.

“Sil te plaît,” she whispered. Liquid heat rushed from Cosima's ear down to her core.

“Shit, okay,” she rushed out, and lightly pushed her fingers down. Delphine's answering moan vibrated against her neck.

“On peut pas,” she whispered. Her hips rocked against Cosima's fingers. “On peut pas, on peut pas.” A moan. A gasp. Her nails bit into Cosima's arm. _We are, though,_ Cosima thought. _We are, and I can't stop._ Delphine rolled her hips. Cosima pressed down against her thigh in response, needing friction before she exploded. Delphine's hands tangled in her hair, clenching tighter and tighter with each stroke of Cosima's fingers. The blonde shuddered beneath her, whimpering into her neck. She'd hardly settled before Cosima was lifting her hips to make room for her own hand. Delphine kissed her jaw, and her ear, and slowly nudged her hand out of the way. Cosima's breath stuck in her throat. Delphine's was hot on her neck.

“You dont-” she said.

“How-?” Delphine interrupted, fingers twitching experimentally. Cosima's hips jerked at the light touch.

“Anything,” she whispered. “Anything, just touch me. _Please._ ” Delphine's lips found hers again, hard and demanding, her fingers fumbling around Cosima's clit. She rocked against them, her hands balling the pillows beneath Delphine's head into knots. Her heart was ready to burst out of her chest. Screwing her eyes shut, she hid her face against Delphine's neck. She had to be quiet. _Quiet, quiet, quiet._ “Fuck,” she groaned into Delphine's ear.

“Yes?” Delphine asked, her voice low and rough. All Cosima could manage was a jerky nod. Delphine kept her close until her body stopped trembling, then began to wiggle her way out from under Cosima's weight.

“Delphine,” Cosima said, weakly, but the door shut on her voice. With a heavy sigh, Cosima rolled her shaking limbs under the blankets and pushed her face into a pillow that smelled like Delphine's shampoo.


	12. A Fight

Delphine blanked Mark in the hallway. It wasn't easy trying to avoid his hulking form whenever she saw it moving towards her between class, but it was easier than trying to explain the reason she had stood him up when lies felt like acid on her tongue. Her body still burned with the ghost of Cosima's touch, like there were invisible hand prints left on her arms, and stomach, and thighs. No matter how hard she scrubbed her skin they remained, a taunting of reminder of what she had started.

“Delphine! Hey, Delphine, wait up!” Delphine sighed, passing a hand over her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. She kept walking, pushing through the group of girls in front of her and ignoring their rude exclamations, but Mark was taller than her, and he easily caught up, grabbing her elbow and whipping her around. Delphine tugged her arm away.

“What?”

“What happened the other night?” Mark asked. “I didn't pin you as a no show.”

“Something came up,” Delphine said.

“And you didn't think to text me or anything? I looked like a dumbass waiting outside for you.”

“No, I'm sorry.”

“Well, are you going to go out with me again? You kind of owe me.” Delphine frowned.

“Owe you?” she asked. “How do I owe you?”

“Well, it was kind of a dick thing to do,” Mark explained.

“I don't want to go out with you,” Delphine said, the words dropping from her mouth before she could think them through.

“What?” Mark asked. “Why not? We make a good couple.”

“No.” Mark scoffed.

“Skank.” Delphine's brow furrowed in confusion. She opened her mouth to asked what he meant, but another voice cut through the loud hum of voices.

“What did you just call her?”

“Back off, shortie, this isn't any of your business,” Mark said.

“Like hell it isn't,” Cosima replied, placing herself between him and Delphine. Mark rolled his eyes, and tried to push her to the side, but Cosima slapped his hand away. “Don't ever call her that again,” she continued.

“Or what?” Mark asked with a scoff. Delphine couldn't follow what happened, but the next thing she knew was the two of them were tangled on the ground, grappling while the students in the vicinity gathered in a circle around them, chanting.

“Cosima, no!” Delphine shouted, taking a step forward. Cosima's shoulder wrenched out of her grasp as they rolled away, yells of pain mixing with the urging of their peers. “Cosima! Mark! Stop it!” It wasn't long until the closest teachers caught onto the commotion, breaking through the ring and forcibly pulling the two apart. Cosima held her hand over her nose, her glasses crooked, and what Delphine could see of her face a mask of anger.

“Office!” a teacher roared, while someone else yelled at everyone to clear off and go to class. Delphine made to follow Cosima and Mark and their escorts, but the same teacher blocked her path and pointed the other direction. Reluctantly, Delphine went to class. The room was buzzing with speculation. Rumours had already started. People kept giving Delphine funny looks, as if they wanted to ask her what had happened, but thankfully no one did. Perhaps it was her glare that kept them away. Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Delphine almost dropped it trying to retrieve it.

**Suspended. See you at home I guess**

Cosima was sitting on the couch with her head tipped back when Delphine arrived. She dropped her bag by the door and hurried over. Cosima glanced to the side when she approached, adjusting the makeshift ice pack she had pressed against her cheek and nose.

“Hey,” she greeted, smiling. Delphine sat heavily next to her with a sigh, and ran a hand through her hair.

“Let me see,” she said after a long moment. Cosima slowly pulled the bag from her face.

“It's not bad,” she said. Her eyes drifted shut when Delphine's fingers glanced across the bruise mottling her skin, and the dried blood still crusted around her nose. Cosima lightly knocked her hand away, pressing the ice back to her skin. Delphine sunk her teeth into her lip, holding back another sigh.

“Give me that,” Delphine said softly. Reluctantly, Cosima handed it over, and tossed her glasses onto the coffee table with a soft clack. Delphine emptied the bag into the sink, filled it with fresh ice, and wrapped it in a clean towel. Cosima gratefully accepted it, pushing it against her face with a relieved sigh.

“You know, all he got was a slap on the wrist. Stupid footballer.”

“You started the fight, Cosima,” Delphine pointed out.

“Yeah, so? He called you a skank.” She still didn't know what exactly the word meant, but she didn't need to to understand it wasn't kind.

“Why did you do that? It's just a word.”  
“Guess,” Cosima mumbled.

“You shouldn't have. It was a stupid idea. He could have hurt you.” _Did hurt you._

“Well, now he's going to get teased because he was beat up by a girl, so I consider it a win/win situation, really.” She shifted, swinging her feet up onto the table. “We need to talk,” she said, “about what happened.”

“Nothing ha-” Delphine began.

“Don't start that again,” Cosima said. “Look, you owe me, okay? You started all this.”

“What do you want, Cosima?” Delphine asked, slouching into the cushions.

“Answers.” She motioned to the empty space between them with her free hand. “I need to know what this is.”

“I don't know what this is, Cosima. It's...” She ran her hands over her face, pushed them through her hair, and dug her fingernails into her scalp, staring up at the ceiling. “It's some... thing that I just... need to get over. That I will get over. I just have to...”

“Like a cold?” Cosima asked monotonously.

“Yes,” Delphine replied, realizing too late what she was implying. “Like a... cold. Then things can go back to normal.” Cosima laughed. Delphine frowned at her. “What is so funny?”

“You're joking, right? Things were never normal between us, Delphine, and they're not ever going to be. Go ahead and pretend as much as you want, it won't ever change what happened. Which, by the way, is your fault.”

“My fault?” Delphine asked. Her scowl deepened.

“Yes, your fault,” Cosima replied. “Whatever this is, you might be able to get over it like it _was_ nothing, but I can't. If you'll excuse me, I need to go think up some excuse so I don't get grounded until I turn eighteen.” Delphine opened her mouth in a wordless reply, reaching out toward the sleeve of Cosima's sweater. Cosima dodged around her fingers, leaving her on the sofa mulling over all the wrong things she had said.

 

The fact that Delphine couldn't hear raised voices coming from Cosima's room, even sheltered away in her own, was a good sign. Muffled talking filtered through her wall, but nothing that she could make out, even when she cocked her ear to carefully listen. Delphine tossed the towel she had been using to pat excess moisture from her hair aside, and laid back on her bed when she heard the door to Cosima's room shut behind her father, and the stairs creak softly under his weight. She should have thought more carefully about what she had said. Cosima had fought someone larger and stronger than she was in her defence, without needing to be asked, and in foolishness and fear, Delphine had hurt her. She owed her an apology, even if she didn't know what to make of all the thoughts and feelings floating around in her head.

Her parents were in bed before she worked up the courage to remove herself from her own, and knock softly on Cosima's door. There was a soft bang, and a short series of coughs.

“Yeah?” she heard Cosima call a second later.

“It's me,” Delphine said through the door.

“Oh,” Cosima replied, sounding calmer. “You can come in.” Delphine cracked the door open and peeked inside. Cosima stretched out on her bed, placing her joint back in her mouth. She waved Delphine in the rest of the way, then turned her head to the side to blow smoke towards her open window. Delphine shut the door behind her and leant against it, balancing on her fingertips.

“May I join you?” she asked, biting her lip. Cosima's look of surprise only lasted an instant.

“Yeah,” she said, scooting over to make room for Delphine to lay next to her. She held up her joint in offering. Delphine carefully took it from her fingers, looking at it cautiously before putting it to her lips. Cosima's smile bled onto her face when she handed it back. A few drags later and her head was fuzzy. Delphine rolled onto her side, examining the side of Cosima's face, and raised her hand again to touched the bruises. Cosima moved to mirror her, watching her watching. Delphine felt her face redden under the intensity of her stare.

“Does it still hurt?” Delphine asked. Cosima shrugged.

“Weed,” she replied. “Miracle drug.” She absently twirled one of Delphine's curls around her finger. “You hair is like, really _fluffy_ ,” she said. “Like, poof! You know?” She snorted lightly, and dissolved into giggles.

“Cosima, be quiet,” Delphine said, barely managing to contain her own laughter. “You'll wake our parents up.” Cosima turned her face into her pillow, muffling her laughter in the fabric. They slowly dispersed, until Cosima fluffed Delphine's hair and they started louder than before. “Cosima,” Delphine scolded lightly. Her laughter increased. Delphine gripped her jaw, and pulled Cosima's lips to her own. Cosima's giggles subsided immediately. Her kiss was hesitant. Delphine marvelled at the texture and shape of her lips, and the feel of her skin beneath her fingers. She shifted closer, leaving the barest amount of space remaining between their bodies. Cosima's hand slid into her hair, gently pulling at her curls, and scraping across the back of her skull. Delphine shivered.

“Surprisingly effective at shutting me up,” Cosima muttered against her lips. Her hand found the side of Delphine's hip, and squeezed gently.

“I am sorry,” Delphine said. “For earlier. I should have worded it differently. I didn't mean to compare you to a disease. You are not.” A smile twitched Cosima's lips, pulling the corners up. She scrunched Delphine's hair between her fingers and pulled her forward again. Delphine met her kiss eagerly. It felt too good to deny herself its pleasure.

 

She dreamt she was falling, with the ground rushing up to meet her. Delphine woke with a start before she could hit the ground, sucking in a panicked breath with her heart jolted into her throat. For a moment, she struggled against the warmth that enveloped her, feeling almost suffocated in the aftermath of her nightmare, but when she settled, its comfort seeped into her bones, and she relaxed. But the bed was unfamiliar, and the sheets not her own. Confused, Delphine opened her eyes, and stared into the early morning dim of Cosima's room. If she was in Cosima's room, then that meant that the warmth pressing into her back was Cosima's, and the arms encircling her waist... Delphine carefully rolled over, her hand sliding along Cosima's arm. She splayed her fingers across the side of the brunette's elbow, and softly stroked the inside with her thumb.

“Oh,” she whispered. “Dieu. Qu'est ce que je fous? À quoi je pense?” Cosima mumbled beside her. Her arms tightened around Delphine's waist, pulling her closer against her front.

“Good morning,” she muttered, pressing her face into Delphine's shoulder.

“I need to go,” Delphine said. Cosima shook her head.

“Mmmmno. Stay. Cuddles. Comfy.” Delphine carefully inhaled.

“How would we explain that to our parents?” she whispered. “This is not normal behaviour.”

“We're dressed,” Cosima replied.

“That is your defence?” Delphine said. “We're fully clothed, so it doesn't matter? That's illogical, and you know it.”

“No, it makes perfect sense,” Cosima replied.

“Us being fully clothed does not excuse this, and if I stay here, I have a feeling I won't be fully clothed for much longer, and then what would we do?” Cosima squeezed her side, her hand slipping beneath the hem of her top to stroke along the jut of her hip.

“No?” she asked. Delphine squeezed her eyes shut, and held her breath.

“Cosima,” she whispered warningly. Cosima's fingers stilled, but her hand remained.

“Did you and Claude ever...?” she asked after a moment.

“No,” Delphine replied, feeling her throat tighten.

“Have you, with anyone?” Delphine bit her lip.

“No.” Cosima's exhale was sudden and harsh, her breath hot even through the fabric of Delphine's shirt.

“Okay,” she whispered. Her arms slid from around Delphine's waist, leaving her free to move. Embarrassed, and guilty, Delphine left the room.


	13. Love Bites

Delphine pulled her hair off her neck and balled it up at the base of her skull with a sigh, her fingers firmly tangled in it. She tapped the pen she was holding lightly against her notebook, staring down at her notes from the day, and glancing between them and the worksheet that sat to the side. Across from her, Cosima poked at a bowl of cereal, her head bowed over it. She'd been quiet all day. Delphine's phone had been silent in school, and when she'd returned home, Cosima had still been in her room. She only left when their parents returned. Marie was working late, leaving them to fend for themselves as far as food was concerned. Delphine didn't understand how Cosima had managed to stay fed between her and her father's incompetence in the kitchen.

“Delphine?” John asked from over her shoulder, stopping on his path to the fridge. “What's that on your neck?” Delphine frowned up at him in confusion, her fingers drifted. He indicated the side of his own.

“What?” she asked.

“Is that a... Cosima said you and Mark broke up.” Cosima choked on her bite of cereal, coughing violently.

“We did,” Delphine replied weakly.

“You okay there, Cos?” John asked, patting his daughter's shoulder. Cosima cleared her throat, waving him off.

“Yeah, yeah. Inhaled,” she said in a tight voice, her eyes focusing on Delphine's neck.

“Okay,” John replied cautiously. “You better hide that before your mother gets back, Delphine.”

“I got it,” Cosima said, brushing past him to dump her bowl in the sink. Delphine barely managed to gather her papers together before Cosima grabbed her arm and led her upstairs.

“Cosima!” she hissed when they were safe in Cosima's bedroom.

“I'm sorry!” Cosima replied in a loud whisper. “I didn't think I was biting that hard, but you were making all these sounds and I just couldn't stop, okay?” She sighed and shoved her hands through her hair, squeezing her eyes shut for a split second. “Okay. Sit down. I'll fix it.” Delphine sat on the edge of Cosima's bed, ghosting her palms across the sheets. The mattress bounced when Cosima sat behind her, pushing Delphine's hair out of the way. “I'm sorry,” she said a moment later, her fingers pressing lightly into Delphine's skin.

“It's okay,” she replied. Her eyes drifted shut, head lolling to the side.

“You have to admit,” Cosima said, “that it's a pretty impressive mark.” Delphine could hear the smirk in her voice.

“Brat,” she replied, lightly smacking Cosima's thigh. Cosima pulled away.

“I'll fix it for you tomorrow, too,” she said. “Now, unless you want to add more marks to that one, you should probably leave.” Delphine inhaled sharply. The cocky look on Cosima's face when she put her make up back on her dresser was indication enough that it hadn't gone unnoticed.

“Thank you,” Delphine said curtly, brushing past her.

That night, Delphine resolutely stayed in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Her hand kept drifting to her neck, to the cluster of broken blood vessels hovering under her skin. Each time she noticed she whipped her hand away, but she couldn't help the warmth that grew in her chest. Intentional or not, it was like Cosima had claimed her as her own. She chewed on her lip, wondering if Cosima was having as much trouble settling as she was. Sighing, she rolled over, and buried herself beneath her blankets and into her pillow. She liked the sex, she couldn't lie to herself about it. _I will not go to Cosima's bed,_ she told herself stubbornly, squeezing her eyes shut. _I can't go to Cosima's bed._

Cosima was awake when Delphine finished her shower, letting her hair dry while she dressed and padded downstairs for breakfast. Still in her pyjamas, Cosima followed her around like a puppy, casually munching on one of the frozen waffles that managed to survive Marie's great kitchen purge.

“What're you making?” she asked, leaning against the kitchen island. Delphine glanced over her shoulder.

“Cereal,” she replied.

“No fancy breakfast today?”

“No...” Cosima hummed, settling on one of the bar stools. Frowning lightly, Delphine glanced at her out of the corner of her eye while she ate. She left her bowl in the dishwasher to be cleaned later, heading back upstairs. Cosima trailed after her. “Why are you following me?” she asked. Cosima shrugged, leaning against the wall by her bedroom door.

“Bored.”

“Well, stop. It's distracting.”

“What? How? I want someone to talk to.” Delphine rolled her eyes, setting her straighteners to heat. “You should leave your hair curly,” Cosima said. “It looks really nice.” Delphine paused with her hand over the flat iron, and looked over her shoulder. Cosima smiled. “Seriously.” Clearing her throat, and ignoring the light flush on her cheeks, Delphine switched her iron off.

“Okay,” she said softly, turning to face her mirror and ruffle her fingers through her hair until it was in some semblance of order.

“You know,” Cosima continued, following her back downstairs. “I've had a thought.” She blocked Delphine's path to the front door, smiling. “You should skip, and stay here with me.”

“Cosima, I can't skip.” Cosima pouted.

“Please? I don't wanna be here alone all day.” Delphine cocked a brow.

“It is your fault.”

“Well, I think you should stay, and come have a shower with me.” Delphine's knees wobbled. She exhaled carefully.

“I have already had a shower,” she said. Cosima smirked.

“Yeah, well, if you stay I promise you'll need another one.”

 

“Cosima,” Delphine panted. “Arrête ! I can't-I do not think I can take any more.” Cosima brushed her lips over her stomach, damp with sweat. Her skin quivered under the caress, goosebumps rising. Cosima's hands stroked her hips and up her sides, her fingers feeling along each jut of her ribs, resting on her breasts as she lifted her lips from Delphine's sternum.

“You sure about that?” she purred, kissing the end of Delphine's chin.

“Yes,” Delphine replied, but her voice wavered. Cosima chuckled, and dragged the backs of her nails back down Delphine's stomach until her hand settled between her thighs again. Her fingers stroked lightly. Delphine raised a hand and gripped the back of Cosima's neck, pulling her down until their lips met. “We don't have time,” she whispered against Cosima's mouth, her hips already rocking in an easy rhythm.

“Yeah, we do,” Cosima replied. Delphine felt her smirk before it faded into another kiss, and Cosima's lips started a trail down her torso.

 

Delphine could hardly keep awake during dinner. Her eyes drooped, head nodding. Cosima's toes pushing into her ankle jolted her back upright with a soft gasp. Her heart stuttered in alarm at the sudden change, hopping briefly into her throat. Their parents looked at her with concern.

“Sorry,” she said. “It was a long day.” Across from her, a small smirk played across Cosima's lips. She ducked her head to stare at her plate, and hide her expression from the adults. Her foot curled along Delphine's calf. Delphine swallowed hard, staring at her. Her movements precise, Cosima reached for her glass and brought it to her lips, her gaze smouldering over the rim as she met Delphine's eyes.

“Would you like to go up to bed?” Marie asked. “Cosima can clean tonight.” Delphine chewed on her lip.

“No, I-” she said. Cosima's foot slid higher. “Yes, if that's okay.” She pushed away from the table, taking her leg out of Cosima's reach. She could feel her step-sister's gaze burning into her back as she left, trying not to make her desire to leave too obvious. Her body ached with satisfaction, limbs heavy and tired and her eyes slipping steadily closed with each second that passed. She was yawning before she even got up the stairs. Delphine collapsed onto her bed with a grateful sigh, her body sinking happily into the plush of her blankets.

As loathe as she was to move, she rolled onto her back to remove her jeans and arched to unhook her bra, leaving her free to curl up under the covers with her computer. The muffled voices of her family reached her. She should have felt guilty, she knew, for what had happened. She'd skipped school, for one, which in itself wouldn't have been terrible save for the fact that she had spent the entire day in Cosima's bed, while the brunette mapped out her body with her hands and lips in a way that made Delphine's chest ache. But she didn't, and it terrified her.

The stairs creaked lightly, pulling Delphine out of the stupor she was falling into. She gasped in a sharp, short breath and blinked her eyes open. Her laptop screen had gone black. She swallowed, her mouth feeling like it was full of cloth, and rubbed at her eyes. The knock at her door was soft, but enough to startle her again. Delphine cleared her throat, and shut her laptop lid, calling out.

“It's me,” Cosima's voice drifted through the door. “Can I come in?”

“Yes,” Delphine replied. Her heart thudded in her throat instead of her chest. “Of course.” The door cracked slowly. Cosima peered around it first, almost hesitant, but when she saw Delphine it faded, and a small smile found its way onto her face.

“Hey,” she said, stepping fully into the room. “I, uh-I just wanted to-” Slowly, she closed the distance. “Today was-”

“Please, Cosima,” Delphine said, closing her eyes. “I can't talk about this.”

“Right, no-yeah, totally, I just-” She felt Cosima bend over the edge of her bed. Delphine was frozen by the touch of Cosima's fingers to her cheek. Their lips met, softly. Delphine responded unthinkingly. Her hand brushed over Cosima's knuckles, meeting the pace of her kiss easily. A few seconds passed before she realized what she was doing, and she sharply turned her head. Cosima's lips glanced off her cheek. She pulled away abruptly, and cleared her throat. “I just. I needed to do that. Night.” She was gone before Delphine could even being to think about forming words. The door clicked behind her. Delphine touched her fingertips to her lips and forced air into her lungs.

Cosima didn't say a word about it the next day, or the next. She didn't need to. Her intentions were as clear as day, and Delphine couldn't help herself. The remaining days of Cosima's suspension passed in a fog of want and an ache of loneliness at Cosima's absence. She stole kisses when Delphine arrived home, and Delphine found herself unable to refuse, as much as her mind protested. The second Cosima's lips touched hers, she forgot about everything. The looks they shared when the arrival of their parents forced them apart burned her skin.

Her step-sister was shameless. Not having to be alone with Scott and his all too obvious staring was a relief, but she would have taken that over having to sit still and pretend everything was okay when Cosima's hand was steadily, but slowly, working its way up the inside of her leg and nudging under the hem of her skirt. She chewed hard on her lip, steadfastly trying to keep her eyes open and focus on the notes in front of her. It would have been easy to move Cosima's hand, but the trail of warmth the pads of her fingers were leaving felt too good to do so.

“Cosima,” she whispered when her fingers hovered along her inner thigh, clutching her pencil tightly. “Stop.”

“I'm not doing anything,” Cosima replied. She rubbed her thumb gently across Delphine's skin. “Just resting my hand.”

“You are,” Delphine replied, “and you know exactly what.” Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Cosima smirk. A quick glance to Scott thankfully revealed his ignorance, the position of Cosima's hand hidden by their lab table.

“I'm not doing anything,” she repeated, and made a mark on the paper in front of her. “I can't promise that I won't when we get home, though.”

There was a tenderness to Cosima's actions that Delphine didn't want to acknowledge existed. She could handle the rushed touches and needy kisses, but when Cosima was slowly kissing her neck and chest, her fingers stroking carefully through the wetness between Delphine's thighs, it was too much and not at all enough all at the same time. Cosima's breath was hot against her neck as she pulled Delphine closer to her climax, muffling moans of her own against her skin while Delphine threaded and tangled her fingers in Cosima's hair.

When they finished, and Delphine's body had regained some of its ability to move, she pulled away from Cosima's warmth and made to leave. Cosima's fingers closing around her wrist stopped her. Curious, Delphine looked over her shoulder, a light frown creasing her features. She didn't pull her arm away, just waited while Cosima's mouth and throat worked as she searched for words.

“Don't,” she said, voice holding an almost desperate edge. “Stay here.”

“I can't,” Delphine replied. “Our parents will be home soon. We are certainly not going to be able to explain being in bed together naked to them.” She twisted her arm, but Cosima's fingers tightened. It wasn't enough to keep her from pulling free, but it stopped Delphine's weak excuse for struggle.

“We won't get caught,” she said. “Just, please. Stay for a bit.” Delphine examined Cosima's face, her eyes trailing over the remains of the bruise that had coloured her cheek and purpled her eye, and sighed quietly. She laid back again, pulling the blankets back up to cover herself, and followed the light tug Cosima gave into her arms. Delphine nestled her head against Cosima's chest. Her eyes slipped shut when skilled fingers found their way into her hair, stroking through her curls. _For Cosima_ , she told herself. Payment for her being injured fighting to defend Delphine's honour. Or whatever it was she had been fighting for.


	14. Tesla

The warmth of Delphine's body against hers combined with tiredness born of their exertions sent Cosima to sleep after a few moments. When she woke up, Delphine was gone, and the place in the bed she had occupied long gone cold. Cosima pushed aside the painful pang in her chest, and swung her legs out from under the covers. Methodically, she gathered her clothes from their various places strewn around the bed and by the door and dumped the lot of them into her hamper in favour of the comfort of pyjamas before she left, following the grumbling in her stomach and the scent wafting around her nose to the kitchen. Delphine flushed when their eyes met, and quickly looked away. With a yawn, Cosima settled on the stool next to her at the island and pillowed her head on her arms.

“Oh, good,” John's voice came from behind her. “You're up. I wanted to ask you two something.” Cosima followed him with her eyes, unmoving. “How would you two like a puppy?”

“Seriously?” Cosima asked, lifting her head up. Beside her, Delphine looked curious.

“Yeah,” John replied, smiling at her. He ruffled his hair. “One of the guys at work's dog had some, and they're old enough now to start going out to homes. I said I'd ask, and take you two up to his place to pick one out tonight if you wanted?”

“Yes,” Cosima said automatically. “Absolutely.” She glanced at Delphine. The blonde grinned at her. “Can we go now? We can go now, right?”

“You're not even dressed, Cosima,” Delphine said, and giggled. Cosima flushed.

“I'll be right back,” she mumbled, pushing away from the counter.

She sat in the front seat to keep herself from reaching out to hold Delphine's hand between her own, but she couldn't stop herself from casting quick glances at her step-sister in the rearview mirror. For most of the trip, Delphine looked out the window, but the grin on her lips showed her excitement. Cosima could hardly get out of the car fast enough when she arrived, bouncing on the balls of her feet while she waited for her father to lead the way. Delphine fell into step beside her. Their arms brushed as they walked. The second the door opened, the excited yips of dogs at play met Cosima's ears. She grinned.

“John!” A voice called. Cosima didn't recognize the man who rounded the corner, but smiled at him anyway.

“Dave,” John greeted, shaking his hand.

“The puppies are just through there, girls,” Dave told them, gesturing through the kitchen. “Go right on ahead.” He clapped John on the shoulder. “Do you want coffee or something?” he asked.

“Yeah, thanks,” John replied. “Give a holler when you're ready, Cos.” Cosima grabbed Delphine's hand before she could think through what she was doing, following the sounds of play through to the room where the puppies were being kept.

“Oh,” Cosima breathed out, her smile growing. “Golden retrievers. Awesome.” Another family was there, middle aged parents with a young daughter, carefully overseeing their child's interactions with the puppies that tottered and tumbled around the space prepared for them. Cosima let her hand linger on Delphine's until she was too far away for their fingers to stay entwined and settled herself on the floor in the middle of the room. Delphine lingered at the door, her arms crossed over her chest. Cosima motioned her over, and by the time she was at Cosima's side again, there were already curious canines sniffing and nuzzling at both their shoes and ankles. One of the more inquisitive of the bunch put his paws on Cosima's leg in an attempt to crawl into her lap. Giggling, Cosima helped him, dissolving into laughter when a rough tongue licked at her fingers and hands.

She could feel Delphine's eyes on her. Even though her hands were occupied with a puppy of her own, her gaze remained fixated on Cosima, and when the dog wandered off with its nose pressed to the ground, she didn't move. Cosima tilted her head to the side, meeting her eyes, then snorted when the puppy in her lap nudged her chin with his nose. The noise broke whatever odd trance Delphine had been in, and earned her a soft chuckle. Raising her brows in question, Cosima carefully picked the puppy up and deposited him in Delphine's lap, then scooted closer to her. The puppy yipped happily, squirming in Delphine's hands, but making no real attempt to escape and join his siblings.

“This one,” Delphine said, sounding certain. She glanced to the side to look at Cosima, being careful not to turn her head. It was for the best, Cosima told herself, sitting back on her heels to quell the temptation to kiss the blonde.

“Yeah?” Cosima asked, gently playing with the puppy's ears. He snuffled her palm. “So sure already, are we?”

“The others won't sit still, and despite us both handling this one, he seems more than content to stay in our company.”

“I think he's falling asleep,” Cosima pointed out. Delphine looked down. The puppy had snuggled against her stomach, his eyes drooping. “This one, then.” Delphine lifted her head back up, chewing on her lip. “I'll go tell Dad.”

Dave gave them a courtesy starter kit that consisted of a blanket, a spare bowl, a chew toy, and a container of the food he'd been giving them to blend in with whatever mix they decided to buy. It was Cosima's turn to go crazy in the store like her father had before they went camping. Delphine trailed after them with the puppy bundled up inside her hoodie, sleeping soundly despite her movement, while Cosima filled the cart that John pushed along with everything she thought their new family member could want or need. He took it with much better humour than Cosima had his shopping tirade.

“What are you going to name him?” John asked when they were back in the car. Cosima had let him fill the front seat with bags so she could sit in the back with Delphine and their new dog, absently scratching behind his ears.

“I don't know,” Cosima replied, rubbing her thumb against the soft fur of the puppy's ear. “Del?” Delphine shrugged.

“I don't know, either,” she said. “Tom, perhaps? After Thomas Edison?”

“You know Edison stole all his ideas from Tesla, right,” Cosima deadpanned.

“We are not calling him Nikola.”

“What's wrong with Tesla?”

“Tesla isn't a good name for a dog.”

“It's better than _Tom_ ,” Cosima said. “Odd names are cool. Normal names for dogs are boring.” Delphine sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Okay,” she conceded. “We'll call him Tesla.” Cosima grinned, and ruffled Tesla's head. He sneezed lightly. Delphine jolted in alarm. “Uhg,” she muttered, her voice eclipsed by Cosima's giggles. She smiled at Delphine, and, hidden from view, gently laid her hand across the blonde's for a brief second.

 

“Who's room is he sleeping in?” John asked.

“Mine,” Cosima said instantly. Delphine huffed.

“No, mine.”

“Mine.”

“Mine.” John chuckled as they bickered, laying out the blanket and food and water bowls in a corner of the kitchen where they wouldn't be tripped over.

“You can alternate until he's old enough to choose where he wants to sleep,” he said eventually, before their voices rose too high. “Flip a coin to decide tonight.” A few seconds later, Cosima's voice rang out triumphantly.

The two of them followed Tesla as he scurried happily about the house, pressing his nose against everything he could reach. Cosima found herself groping for Delphine's hand, only to pull her own away the second their fingers met, her face steadily growing more and more red as the evening went on. She didn't apologize, and Delphine didn't say a word about it. Inevitably, Tesla got tired, and Delphine scooped him up in her arms to carry him outside while Cosima headed up to her room to make sure that anything she didn't want chewed or accidentally peed on was within his reach. Delphine rejoined her a few minutes later, Tesla looking more alert, and squirming slightly against her chest. She let him down after she shut the door, settling next to Cosima while he explored.

“Do you think they did this on purpose?” Cosima asked, watching. Delphine hummed questioningly. “To get us to 'bond'.”

“Oh. Maybe.”

“It's silly,” Cosima continued. “We've been bonding plenty.” Delphine huffed out an awkward laugh. Cosima glanced over to find her cheeks red. “I'm sorry.”

“No,” Delphine replied, shaking her head. “No, it's okay.” Cosima folded her hands in her lap and looked down at them as she picked nervously at her fingertips.

“Who's going to train him?” she asked after a while, breaking the thick silence. Delphine chuckled.

Tesla whined when Cosima put him in his crate for the night. Stretched out beneath her blankets, she listened silently as they began to quiet down as he fell asleep. Cosima was far from it, though. She couldn't lay still. Her bed felt empty without Delphine's body occupying the space next to her, but she couldn't leave Tesla all alone, even if he was sleeping. She smoothed her hand across the mattress next to her, then grabbed her phone.

 **Delphine.** The reply was quick.

 **What?** Cosima stared at the message, squinting at the bright backlight that shown into her eyes. Her thumb hovered over the keyboard so long the screen went black. She fumbled for the lock button to turn it back on.

**You should come here.**

**I can't.**

**You can just say you fell asleep in here if they ask it's fine seriously.** She paused, contemplating. **Tesla misses you.** She thought Delphine had fallen asleep until she heard the creak of her door opening, and the dark shape that was her body stepping into the room.

“He's asleep,” Delphine said quietly, shutting the door behind her without a sound. The bed dipped as she crawled onto it, finding Cosima's lips in the dark. Her hands wandered. Cosima turned her head away, letting Delphine's mouth glance off her jaw.

“No,” she said. Delphine paused, and pulled back to look at her. In the dim from the lights outside, Cosima could make out the confused furrow of her brow.

“I-I'm sorry, I thought-” Delphine stuttered, pulling away. Cosima held her steady.

“No, I don't not want it,” she explained. “I just wanted you here tonight.” Delphine's body was tense beneath her hand. Cosima exhaled shakily. “Forget it, it's just me being stupid,” she continued, sitting up to reach Delphine's lips. Might as well take what she could get. Delphine stopped her this time, pulling back with a hand lightly resting on Cosima's sternum. Cosima watched her face in the dark.

“Move over,” Delphine finally said. Cosima let out the breath she'd been holding. She shifted to the side and pulled back the blankets to let Delphine settle beside her. As soon as she was comfortable, Cosima inched closer, tangling their legs together. Her body was warm and soft, but her feet cold. Cosima shuddered, earning a quiet, nervous giggle.

“Is this okay?” she asked as she cautiously swung an arm over Delphine's waist. The blonde's breath was shuddery. She nodded.

“You are taking Tesla out in the morning,” she whispered. Cosima pressed her front to Delphine's back, closing her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah,” she mumbled into her shoulder, yawning. For a few long moments, Delphine was stiff in her arms, but then she sighed and the tension drained away from her body. Cosima sleepily shifted her arm, tightening her hold. Delphine rested a hand over hers, and tangled their fingers together.

Tesla was still asleep when Cosima woke up, and Delphine was still there, with Cosima curled around her. Cosima blinked her eyes open, blearily staring at the mass of golden hair in front of her face. It had curled some during the night from Delphine's shifting, messily sticking up and out and spreading across the pillow. Cosima propped herself up on her elbow and moved her arm from where it was still resting over Delphine's stomach and threaded her fingers through the curls, pushing them back from the blonde's face. Her ministrations were enough to pull Delphine out of her slumber, and she hummed in content, a small smile playing at her lips.

“Quelle heure est-il?” she asked sleepily. Cosima glanced at her clock.

“Ten something,” she said softly, tucking Delphine's hair behind her ear. The blonde's eyes fluttered open, finding hers. “Did you sleep okay?” Delphine nodded, and yawned.

“Mmm, oui. Et toi?”

“Yeah,” Cosima breathed out, grinning. She stroked her thumb across Delphine's cheek, then reluctantly pulled back. “Come with me to take Tesla out,” she asked. Delphine stretched, her back arching off the bed with a content groan.

“Okay,” she replied, and rubbed at her eyes. “Just let me put on pants.” Cosima sat back to let her get up, following suit and crouching in front of Tesla's crate. She poked a finger through the door, brushing it over his nose. He snuffled.

“Hey, buddy,” she said, opening the door and wrangling the sleepy puppy out of the crate and into her arms. “Ready to go outside?” He flopped on her bed when she set him down, but by the time she had found shorts to wear, he was waking up. Cosima picked him up again, easily supporting his weight and carrying him out of the room. Delphine followed her down the stairs, opening the back door for her. As soon as they were outside, Cosima crouched down and let Tesla wiggle out of her arms, slipping clumsily into the soft grass.

 

“Tesla!” Cosima called. The puppy stopped his bounding leaps around the yard to look at her, panting happily. “Come!” He tilted his head to the side. “Tesla, come,” Cosima repeated. “Tesla. Come.” Tesla yipped, then lost interest and went snuffling off to the bushes. Cosima sighed and sat back on her heels, watching. Behind her, the door slid open. The sounds of the television filtered out from inside, where John was presumably still lounged on the sofa watching the football game.

“I brought gifts,” Delphine's voice sounded. “Do you drink beer?” Cosima looked over her shoulder. Delphine offered her a can. “Before you ask, yes it's okay.” Cosima smiled, and took the can offered to her, cracking the tab with a hiss and a snap. Delphine settled on the grass beside her with a soft grunt.

“Finally got sick of the noise, huh?” she asked, sipping. She scrunched up her nose. The first few were always the worst. Next to her, Delphine coughed softly.

“You father is very enthusiastic about his sports,” she replied.

“Yeah,” Cosima replied, chuckling. “You get used to it after a while. Why do you think I play my music so loud? It's kind of a competition between us now. I'm surprised the neighbours have never called the cops on us before complaining about noise with how loud we can get.”

“Have you two always been so close?” Delphine asked. Cosima shrugged, watching Tesla attack something in the grass. They both laughed when he tripped over and fell onto his side.

“Yeah,” Cosima replied when her giggles subsided. “After Mom died, it was just us, so... yeah.”

“I'm sorry,” Delphine said. “I didn't know she-I should have figured it out.”

“No, no,” Cosima said hurriedly. “It's okay. It was a while ago.” Delphine's hand found hers and lingered for a moment.

“So, what are you doing out here?” she asked.

“Trying to teach Tesla to come,” Cosima grumbled. “It's not going well.” She glanced over. “Why are you smirking?” Delphine bit her lip, and cleared her throat.

“Tesla!” she called, her voice ringing clearly across the yard. Tesla paused his bounding leaps. “Ici.” He cocked his head, then galloped over, stopping when his paws hit Delphine's leg.

“What.”

“You have been spending all of your time reading about _how_ to train a puppy, but not applying your knowledge. I have been. Tesla, assis!” Excited, Tesla wiggled his butt, tail wagging, but then plopped his hind on the ground. “Bon chien,” Delphine praised, scratching behind his ears.

“How did you-” Cosima asked, disbelief etched across her face. “It's been like, two weeks!” She clambered to her feet, setting her drink down in the grass, and walked a few paces away. “Tesla, ici!” Tesla whirled about and trotted over to her, putting his paws against her knee. Delphine giggled. “God dammit. What else does he know?”

“You'll have to find that out yourself,” Delphine replied, and leaned back on her elbows. “Drink your beer before it gets warm.” Cosima frowned at the self-satisfied smirk on Delphine's face, but rejoined her regardless, stretching out next to her in the grass with her arms pillowing her head.

“Seriously,” she said after a minute, “what else does he know?” Delphine hummed in thought.

“How to lay down, roll over, and speak,” she replied with a grin.

“I hate you,” Cosima said.

“No, you don't,” Delphine replied. Cosima's heart thumped painfully. She turned her head to look at Delphine, and opened her mouth to speak, but instead of words all that came out was a grunt as Tesla bounded over her stomach and knocked over her beer can. Her shout of surprise was lost beneath the sweet sound of Delphine's giggles echoing in her ears.

“Tesla, no!” Cosima scolded when the puppy began sniffing around the wet grass, and gently pushed him down towards her feet. Delphine tipped her can back up for her, leaning across the space between them, her face serious. Cosima blinked up at her.

“You don't hate me, do you?” she asked.

“I-no,” Cosima replied quickly, shaking her head. “No, of course not. Why?”

“I've been unkind,” Delphine said softly. Cosima didn't care that their parents were nearby, and that at any time one of them could pass by the door and see. She raised a hand, brushing her palm against Delphine's jaw, and hooked her fingers around the back of the blonde's skull to draw her head down. Delphine pressed closer, but after a second Cosima heard her brain click back into gear, and felt her pull away abruptly. Her lips tingled lightly.

“I definitely don't hate you,” Cosima said, watching as Delphine put distance between them again. She mirrored Cosima's position, falling back onto the ground. She expected to be reprimanded for such a dangerous display of her affection, but none came, and after a while, Delphine's hand snaked across the grass and her fingers spread lightly across Cosima's knuckles.


	15. Mind Blowing

“Tesla, déposer!” Cosima ordered. Tesla looked up at her from where he was sat by her feet, but didn't move. “Tesla, déposer,” Cosima repeated. She was sure she had it right. Behind her, from her place on the sofa, Delphine sniggered.

“That is incorrect,” she said.

“Tell me what the right word is, then,” Cosima retorted, frustrated. Delphine hummed, as if considering, then shook her head.

“No. You must learn on your own.”

“I'm sure it's the right word,” Cosima said, crouching down by Tesla. “I looked it up on Google.” Delphine snorted out a laugh.

“ _Google_ is hardly an accurate way to translate,” she replied. The couch squeaked softly as she rose, lowering herself to the floor next to Cosima. “It's couché,” she whispered into Cosima's ear. Cosima shuddered at the ghost of her breath, and when she spoke, her voice wavered.

“Tesla, couché.” Tesla obediently slid down onto his belly.

“Roule,” Delphine said, and rested her cheek against Cosima's shoulder.

“Tesla, roule,” Cosima repeated. Tesla hesitated a second, then wiggled onto his side and back, then back onto his belly.

“Aboie.”

“Tesla, aboie.” Tesla yipped happily, and licked Cosima's hand. “I can't believe you taught him in French,” Cosima whispered. “So unfair.”

“Not to me,” Delphine said. Cosima could almost hear her smirking.

“I'm going to kiss that smirk right off your face if you don't stop,” Cosima muttered. Delphine's sharp intake of breath made a smirk of her own form.

“You could,” Delphine whispered. “We are alone.” So Cosima kissed her, slowly, with a hand cradling the warmth of her cheek, until the need for air forced her to pull back.

“I'm going to go have a smoke,” Cosima announced quietly, pushing herself upright. “Wanna join?” Delphine smiled up at her.

“Oui. Come on, Tesla.” Tesla yipped again, his tags jingling as he followed them both to the stairs. “You know, I have never smoked pot before you.” Cosima laughed lightly, hopping easily up the last few stairs and looking back down. Tesla lingered at the base, looking unsure.

“Corrupting you was all a part of my plan,” Cosima joked. “Come on, Tesla! Ici!” Delphine gave the puppy a little nudge, and as soon as he began to awkwardly clamber up the stairs, they both praised him. Delphine followed behind, ready to catch him if he tumbled, but he made it to the top of the stairs without incident. He bounded happily into Cosima's room, and immediately jumped up onto the bed. “Down,” Cosima ordered. Tesla half fell, half jumped back to the floor and amused himself sniffing around the various clothes Cosima had left laying around.

“You have succeeded in your plot, then,” Delphine said as she shut the door behind her, and gently squeezed past where Cosima was rooting around in her dresser to open the window. “I am thoroughly corrupted.”

“Mmmm,” Cosima hummed, spinning around with a joint between her fingers and a sly smile on her face. “Maybe not completely,” she said, and lit it. “You're still a lightweight.” She exhaled slowly, blowing smoke across the room. “Gotta fix that, don't we?” Delphine extended her hand for the joint, letting her fingers brush over Cosima's knuckles. It sent a shock along Cosima's skin. Delphine held her gaze as she inhaled, letting smoke drift from her mouth and nose with a curious smile on her face.

She was stroking her fingers through the fur on Tesla's stomach, the puppy half asleep stretched out on his side along the floor, when the idea hit her. Lounged on her bed, Delphine looked at her oddly with half-lidded eyes as she rummaged through her room for a marker and paper and tape, all hidden in various places. Tesla's tail thumped softly against the carpet, but he didn't move, despite the absence of Cosima's attention. Cosima scribbled the marker against the paper in two thick strips, sloppily ripping them out. Clamping her lips shut against the giggles that threatened to bubble out of her throat, she settled on her knees next to Tesla and carefully taped the paper above his eyes before calling his name. Startled, he abruptly sat up. Cosima laughed.

“Oh my god, Delphine look!” she managed to gasp out. Tesla pawed uselessly at his head. “He has eyebrows. Oh my god. This is the best idea I've ever had.” Delphine rolled over to see, and snorted in laughter. Tesla rubbed his head against the carpet.

“Cosima, what have you done?” Delphine asked. “Take them off!”

“He looks so startled!” Cosima retorted. “Oh, god, he looks so surprised. Tesla!” Delphine shifted onto her stomach, snorting again. Cosima covered her mouth with her hand and curled into herself to keep her laughs from hurting her stomach. They settled after a moment, but then Tesla whined and butted his head against the floor again.

“Cosima,” Delphine said, “leave him alone.” She patted the bed. “Come lay with me.” Cosima considered pulling the fake eyebrows off Tesla, but they weren't doing him any real harm, just confusing him, so she pushed to her feet and flopped onto the bed next to Delphine, bumping into the blonde's side. The sudden motion made her head spin. Cosima inhaled deeply and sighed, closing her eyes until the room stopped swirling around her. Delphine's body was soft and warm. She curled against it, and buried her face in Delphine's shoulder.

“I am so baked right now,” she mumbled into Delphine's shirt.

“Me, too,” Delphine slurred. Cosima turned her head to look over her shoulder to where Tesla had given up trying to get the eyebrows off and was splayed out on his belly, tongue poking out.

“I think Tesla is, too.”

“Cosima! You got the dog high?”

“Hey, it is not my fault, okay, he just happened to be in here while we were smoking.”

“I can't believe you,” Delphine whispered, rolling over and throwing an arm over her eyes. Cosima propped herself up on her elbows and looked down at her. She bit her lip, considering, then leaned her head down until their lips brushed. Delphine's response was slow, but enthusiastic. Her hand fell lightly against Cosima's skull and tangled in her hair. Cosima felt every tug as their lips moved.

“You know what I just realized?” she whispered without pulling away. Delphine hummed. Her free hand settled on Cosima's arm. “We've never had sex high.” She moved back, then, to look down at Delphine. The blonde's eyes were dark, her face flushed. Her teeth sank into her lip. The shifting of her hips caught Cosima off guard, leaving Delphine a window to flip their bodies. Cosima's grunt turned into a moan, half caught by Delphine's mouth. She clutched at Delphine's shoulders, pulling her tighter. Their bodies pressed together firmly, shifting against one another.

Cosima's clothes felt abrasive against her skin. She writhed, struggling to find the space to tug her shirt over her head. Delphine sat up to help, straddling her hips until the garment was gone, tossed aside carelessly. Delphine groped at her chest, her movements slow and precise. Cosima arched up into her with a satisfied mewl, her own fingers clawing lightly at Delphine's hips. On the floor, Tesla sneezed loudly, startling them both. Delphine gasped in shock, abruptly pulling away. Cosima froze, then groaned and dug her fingertips into her eyes.

“Go put him in your room or something,” she mumbled, squeezing her thighs together.

“Okay,” Delphine whispered, her voice a husky rush. “Okay.” The pressure on her body left, the bed squeaking and shifting as Delphine moved. Cosima hissed in breaths through her teeth, every inch of her skin humming loudly. The thunk of her door shutting echoed in her ears, the click of the lock as Delphine twisted it almost just as loud. Cosima was reaching for her before she'd even crossed the room, pulling Delphine back onto the bed and into her arms, her lips seeking out hot flesh.

Delphine slipped her fingers around Cosima's side to fumble at the clasp of her bra, growling in frustration when it eluded her efforts to open it. Cosima arched to give her more space while her hands tugged Delphine's shirt up her back. Delphine muttered something in French under her breath, and Cosima's bra fell free. She let Delphine pull it away, dropping it somewhere off the bed, her mouth dipping to ghost across Cosima's collarbone.

“You're wearing too much,” Cosima said into her ear.

“You are, too,” Delphine replied.

“Fix it,” Cosima hissed. Her fingers knotted into Delphine's hair, like the finest silk between them. “I need to feel you.” Delphine's breath rushed hotly against her sternum. She straightened up, forcing Cosima's hands from her hair, letting her own rest against Cosima's stomach. They trailed down, pulling lightly at Cosima's jeans until the button popped open. They snagged on her ankles, but a sufficient amount of kicking freed her. Delphine lifted her shirt the rest of the way over her head, rolling to the side to wiggle out of her own pants and panties as well. Cosima followed, pinning Delphine to the bed with her hips.

“Cosima,” Delphine whispered. She bit her lip, reaching up to gently lift Cosima's glasses from her face and set them on the night stand. Cosima blinked as her vision adjusted. Delphine guided her head down, bringing their lips back together in a long, languid kiss. She could feel every place their bodies touched, each single goosebump that raised on Delphine's skin. Her heart thumped painfully against her ribs.

Reluctantly, she left Delphine's lips to kiss along her neck, trailing down her throat to the valley between her breasts, where a light sheen of sweat had already gathered. She bit gently at the swell of Delphine's breast. The blonde arched into her with a soft moan. Her fingers balled the sheets into knots. Cosima lingered, exploring with her lips and teeth and tongue, letting her hands ghost down to Delphine's hips.

“Cosima, please,” Delphine murmured.

“I want to take my time,” Cosima replied. “This feels amazing.”

“Please,” Dephine repeated. Cosima met Delphine's gaze, and shifted her body up to kiss her. Her hand dipped between Delphine's thighs. The blonde's gasp was lost on Cosima's tongue.

“Wow,” Cosima breathed, slowly stroking her fingers through the slick heat that had gathered. Each time she brushed against Delphine's clit, Delphine moaned, and her hips jerked into the touch. They rocked in a desperate rhythm until Cosima dropped her fingers down and gently pushed inside. Delphine stilled beneath her, and Cosima reacted in kind, jerking her head up to find Delphine's eyes.

“It's okay,” Delphine said. “It's okay. Please.” Cosima kissed the flush colouring her chest and rested her forehead against the heated skin. A moment passed before Delphine's body undulated again. Her nails dug too harshly into Cosima's shoulders. “Oh. Oh, dieu. Dieu. Cosima.” Cosima's arm began to burn, but Delphine was close, she could feel it in the trembling of her limbs and the sharp, harsh pants and moans that worked out of her throat, and the frantic thumping of her heart beneath Cosima's ear. The jerk of Delphine's body slammed the headboard against the wall. She swore loudly, sucking in a breath and holding it as Cosima curled her fingers and rode her climax out with her.

When Delphine relaxed, she slowly pulled her hand away, raising her head to look at Delphine's face. She'd never looked so beautiful, with her hair mussed and her lips parted, eyes closed. Cosima kissed her. Delphine's hands rested on her sides and lightly squeezed. Her kisses were sloppy and tired. Cosima pulled back and stroked her hair back from her face with a smile, her fingers lingering on Delphine's jaw. The blonde blinked her eyes open and smiled wickedly. Cosima let herself be rolled over, and pushed her chest into the hands that covered them.

“Jesus Christ,” she hissed, the nimble fingers that toyed with her breasts sending shocks of heat straight to her core. Delphine kissed slowly down her stomach, and nipped lightly at her hips.

At the first touch of Delphine's tongue, she almost came undone. She was pulling too hard on Delphine's hair, she could tell by the hiss of breath squeezed out from between the blonde's teeth, but if she minded she didn't say, and if Cosima didn't hang onto something to keep herself anchored she was going to lose herself. Delphine's strokes were long and slow, her occasional hums and moans of pleasure doing nothing more than making Cosima's body burn hotter. Delphine held her hips down firmly when they began to buck. Cosima tried to keep quiet, but then Delphine's tongue swiped across her clit again and they echoed through the room. The blonde lingered, kissing the top of her thigh with wet lips.

“God,” Cosima whispered, throwing an arm over her eyes. “Fuck. Holy shit. Holy shit.”

“Yes,” Delphine replied, the word washing across Cosima's hip. “That was... what is the phrase?” Cosima paused to catch her breath before answering.

“Fucking mind blowing.”

“Yes,” Delphine repeated. “Mind blowing.”

“Come here,” Cosima said, and tugged lightly on Delphine's hair. Her eyes were heavy. She felt Delphine shift up her body and wrap them up in the blankets, burrowing close. Cosima turned into her, the arm she'd lain over her face curling into the space between her and Delphine's chests. Delphine tangled their legs and stroked her spine. She fell asleep before Cosima did, the comforting movement of her fingers stilling at the small of her back. She wasn't awake for much longer, though she tried to stay up and keep an ear out for their parents.

Panic stuck in her chest when she jolted awake, still wrapped up in Delphine's arms. For an achingly slow moment, she strained her hearing to listen, but the house was just as silent as it had been before they'd drifted off. A quick glance at the clock revealed that it hadn't been much longer than half an hour. Cosima sighed, the fingers squeezing around her heart loosening enough to let her breath freely again, and she relaxed back into Delphine's embrace. Woken by her movement, Delphine stirred, squinting at her though lidded eyes.

“I should go,” she murmured, pulling away before Cosima could argue. Locked in the next room, Tesla was whimpering. Delphine used him as an excuse, quickly gathering her clothes and leaving Cosima naked in bed, watching helplessly. She sighed when the door shut behind the blonde, and dug the heels of her palms into her eyes. She shouldn't have expected anything else. The temptation to light another joint and forget for a while was strong, but Cosima squashed it and pushed the thoughts away. She had schoolwork that required her attention.

Tesla padded into her room to spend the night, and quickly cottoned on to the fact that Cosima was feeling under the weather. He pawed at her bed until she gave him the okay, then leaped up and clambered over the books spread across her blankets to sniff her face. Cosima giggled lightly, then sighed and flopped onto her back. Tesla stretched out next to her with his head on her chest. She scratched his ears absently.

“This really sucks,” she said to the puppy. “Like, really fuc-friggen sucks. I really... I really like her. It's so messed up.” Tesla whined and nuzzled the tip of her chin. Cosima smiled, and laughed sadly. “Oh, I know, Tes. I love you, too. We just can't tell anyone, and it's horrible. All this sneaking around is going to ruin us.”


	16. Christmas

Cosima was relieved when winter break rolled around. She convinced Delphine to skip the few days before the official start of the holiday, using the advantage of an empty house and the cooler weather to cuddle up with Delphine and Tesla in her favourite sweater on the sofa, watching old Christmas movies on repeat. For weeks she had been trying to decide what to get everyone. Her dad was easy, he always had been. She couldn't afford the whiskey she knew he liked, but there were always gag gifts. Marie was harder. A gift card felt too impersonal, but she didn't know what the woman liked, and John was just as useless as he always was buying gifts for people.

Delphine was the most difficult. Cosima wanted to get her something nice, something that was special enough to show how she really felt, but she couldn't give anything away, and her tendency to procrastinate meant that she was one of the obnoxious people running around before Christmas Day trying to cram all their shopping into the space of a few hours. She stopped in the bookstore first, armed with nothing more than the bank card she'd managed to wrangle away from her father, and a vague idea of what she wanted to buy.

In the end, she did settle on a gift card for Marie, hoping that it would be well received, and two books for Delphine; one on immunology, and another on cloning. She stared fondly at the gift bag, her chest swelling with hope that Delphine would enjoy them. The bracelet caught her eye while she was in the mall, on her way to get her father a pair of ugly socks as a gag, and a new watch as his actual present. It was twisted gold, the same colour as Delphine's hair, and on sale, although the price was still a pretty penny. Cosima stared at it through the display case with a light frown. She could afford it, she knew, but there would hardly be any money left in her account after.

“Screw it,” she muttered to herself, and called for the attention of the woman in black on the other side of the store.

Delphine liked decorating the most. It had taken them so long to find the boxes with all of their combined possessions that it ended up being almost too late to put anything up, but the blonde wasn't deterred. Under her breath, she hummed and softly sang along in French to the music that drifted through the house from the speakers Cosima had taken time to set up. Cosima had always been useless at decorating. She was too clumsy to be trusted with the more fragile ornaments, and too short to reach the higher boughs of the tree, or to string lights along the edge of the roof. She'd probably fall off the ladder if she was allowed up on it. She played her part by setting out the various knick-knacks her and her father had picked up over the years on tables, and making sure they had an almost never-ending supply of carols to listen to.

“What are you singing?” Cosima asked. Delphine was stringing tinsel around the tree, too high up for Cosima to reach. The blonde looked over her shoulder. “It's not Jingle Bells.”

“It is for you,” Delphine replied. “The words are different, but the tune is the same.”

“You have a really nice voice.” Delphine's cheeks flushed pink.

“Thank you,” she said. “Could you help me with this, please. I can't let go to get to the other side.” Cosima snorted.

“I'm too short,” she replied.

“Not if you stand on your toes. Please, Cosima?” Cosima sighed lightly and pushed to her feet with feigned annoyance.

“The things I do for you,” she said, and placed her hands on Delphine's hips to shuffle the blonde out of the way. “I'll hold it, you go fix the other side. I can't loop it that high.” Delphine grinned at her, and placed a kiss against her cheek at the corner of her lips. Cosima held the tinsel and let her twist it the rest of the way around the tree, and while Delphine fetched the angel from its box on the table amongst the wrappings of the rest of the tree ornaments, fixed what her hands could reach until it hung neatly among the decorations.

“This angel is beautiful,” Delphine said, staring fondly at the object in her hands.

“It's been in the family for ages. Used to be my gran's, then my mom's. It's mine now, I guess. Or it will be when I move out,” Cosima said with a smile. Delphine grinned at her, then stood on her toes to carefully balance the angel at the top of the tree.

“There,” she declared, taking a step back. “Go turn off the lights, Cosima. I will turn the tree on.” Cosima stood by the wall switch, and waited until Delphine straightened up from the base of the tree before she turned the overhead light off. The lights basked the room in a soft white glow. Cosima smiled, her eyes finding Delphine's in the dim. Slowly, she closed the distance, and reached for the blonde's hand. Delphine squeezed her fingers and turned back to the tree. “It's beautiful.”

“Yeah,” Cosima agreed softly, but all she could see was the way the light fell across Delphine's cheek.

John didn't last very long into Christmas Eve. After the house guests from their small party dispersed, he promptly fell asleep in his armchair with half a glass of eggnog still left on the table next to him. With Marie having gone to bed, leaving Cosima with instructions to wake her father when she went upstairs, it left her and Delphine free to cuddle up on the sofa with Tesla curled on the cushion next to them, watching It's A Wonderful Life on TV. It had taken some coaxing, but eventually Cosima's continuous reassurances that it was perfectly normal for them to snuggle, especially with Tesla taking up so much room, won her over. Delphine played with her fingers under the blanket that covered their laps.

When the clock on the cable box hit midnight, Cosima squeezed Delphine's hand. She wanted to kiss her, but not with her father in the room with them, even if he was sleeping. Later, she thought, with a whispered “Merry Christmas,” and showered their dozy puppy with kisses instead.

“Sleep in my room tonight,” Cosima said softly in the quiet that followed her shutting off the television. Delphine smiled sadly and shook her head.

“I can't. Maman always wakes me up on Christmas morning. What would she think if she found me in your bed, hm?” She tugged playfully on a strand of Cosima's hair. “You can have Tesla tonight.”

“Can I have you tomorrow, then?” Cosima asked.

“We'll see,” Delphine replied, and threw the blanket off. Cosima watched her until she vanished up the stairs before getting to her feet to rouse her father.

When Cosima was little, she'd woken up hours before her parents had and run into their room to annoy them until they let her go downstairs. The first Christmas after her mother died, she'd spent the night in John's room, swaddled in a plethora of blankets. The smiles in the morning when the rest of her family arrived had been forced, but it helped to lighten the cloud that had settled over the house. Now, she listened to the soft muttering of French through the wall, and sleepily forced herself to abandon the comforting warmth of her blankets to take Tesla outside.

“Merry Christmas, Cos,” John said when she passed him. Cosima grumbled in response, still half asleep, and winced when John playfully cuffed the back of her head. Behind her, Delphine giggled. Cosima flushed and looked over her shoulder to stick out her tongue. “Hurry up with the dog, Cosima, unless you want to be stuck opening your gifts when your grandfather is here.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Cosima replied, giving Tesla a light nudge to get him down the stairs. “I'm going.” Delphine caught her arm before she could follow the dog.

“Joyeux Noël, Cosima,” she whispered, and placed a kiss next to Cosima's ear.

There wasn't much, but Cosima had learned years ago that it was quality over quantity. She bullied John into going first, teasing that he was the oldest, so he had to. He rolled his eyes at her, and when he opened the socks, promptly lobbed them at her head. Cosima ducked out of the way with a chuckle, leaving Tesla to chase after them.

“He can have them,” John laughed before Cosima could grab his collar to pull him away. “Where's my real present, Cos, I know you got me one.” Cosima smiled cheekily and tossed him the small watch box she'd wrapped. Tesla carried the socks to his spot on the floor between Cosima and Delphine and chewed quietly. Cosima and Delphine's hands brushed when they both went to pet him at the same time. Cosima jerked her hand away first, but Delphine was smiling. She placed it back, letting the side of her pinkie graze the blonde's palm. John gave her a pleased smile when he wrangled the watch out of its packaging. She started to apologize when she held out the envelope with Marie's gift card, but her step-mother stopped her with a smile.

“There is no need to apologize, Cosima,” she said. “We have time to get to know each other. I wasn't sure what to get you either, and your father was no help, so we got you a gift card as well. Get yourself something nice with it, yes?” Cosima grinned.

“Thank you,” she replied. Delphine nudged her shoulder.

“You go next, Cosima,” she said. Cosima shook her head.

“No, you're older.”

“Only by a few months.”

“Just go together,” John said. “The family is going to be here soon. We need to make sure everything is cleaned up before they arrive.” Cosima waited anyway, balancing the wrapped box Delphine handed her on her knee. Delphine grinned at her and ran her hand along the cover of one of the books.

“These look fascinating, Cosima,” she said. “Thank you. Now, it is your turn. Go on, open it.” Cosima tore eagerly at the paper.

“Woah, cool,” she muttered under her breath. Distracted, she brushed wrapping paper out of Tesla's reach, and lifted the kit in her lap to examine it more closely. It was one of the do your own science crystal growing kits for little kids, but Cosima had always loved them, despite their simplicity. She bit her lip and tightened her grip on the box to keep for reaching for Delphine.

“Do you like it then?” the blonde asked, hopeful.

“I love it,” Cosima replied, and flashed Delphine a broad grin.

 

As much as she loved her family, Cosima was relieved when they were all gone, and the day was over. The adults had agreed to take the day after Christmas off, but after, Cosima and Delphine still had through New Year's before they had to go back to school, and Cosima was looking forward to nothing more that copious amounts of time alone with the blonde. There was something else on her mind though, all centred on the box in her hands that she turned over and over while she waited for Delphine to finish up in the bathroom.

“God, I hope she likes it,” she muttered under her breath, then glanced down at Tesla, stretched out by her feet. “Do you think she will, Tes? I hope she does.” She jumped when the door opened. Delphine gave her a curious look.

“Were you talking to the dog again?” she asked with a smile. Cosima tilted her head and frowned lightly. Something was off about Delphine. She seemed nervous. “What?”

“Nothing,” Cosima replied, shaking her head. Delphine shut the door quietly behind her. She indicated the box.

“What's that?”

“It's, uh, it's a gift. For Christmas.” Delphine sat next to her on the bed, gently taking the box from her. “I saw it when I was shopping and I thought of you, so...” Delphine bit her lip as she tipped the lid open, and her gasp and the look wonderment that followed was worth every single penny Cosima had spent.

“Oh, Cosima,” Delphine breathed, lifting the bracelet carefully and tilting it towards the light. “C'est beau.”

“Here,” Cosima said. “Let me put it on for you.” She tried to ignore the way her fingers trembled as she fastened the clasp. Delphine trailed her own across it, then bit her lip, her expression morphing into something completely different.

“I have something for you, too,” she said, and stood. Curious, Cosima watched. Delphine pushed her shorts off her hips, and quickly tugged her shirt over her head.

“Woah,” Cosima said.

“Do you like it, then?” Delphine asked.

“Yes,” Cosima replied, her eyes darting over the lingerie. Delphine's shoulders relaxed at her answer. She straddled Cosima's hips, taking care to remove her glasses and set them to the side before splaying her hands across Cosima's cheeks and tilting her head back to firmly kiss her. The metal of her bracelet was chilly against the underside of Cosima's jaw.


	17. Too Close

Cosima was slipping Tesla scraps of food beneath the table. She was trying to be inconspicuous about it, but Delphine could hear his tags jingle as he scarfed the treats off the floor or out of Cosima's fingers. She scowled at her step-sister from the other side of the table, but Cosima just met her gaze with a cheeky smile or an uncaring shrug, sometimes both, and purposefully dropped a piece of bacon onto the floor.

“Whoops,” she said, and smirked.

“Cosima, don't feed the dog bacon!” Delphine scolded.

“What, it's not going to hurt him,” Cosima retorted.

“It's bad for him!”

“It's just a treat, lighten up. You're such a mom.” Delphine gasped in feigned annoyance, and kicked at Cosima's shin.

“I am not! I take him out for runs, and play frisbee and fetch!” Cosima snickered.

“Right, so you're just making sure he gets his daily exercise.”

“Shut up! I'm cool!”

“Oh yeah, you're so cool, Delphine,” Cosima said mockingly. Delphine huffed.

“ _You_ can take him outside now, then,” she replied.

“Okay,” Cosima said. “Okay. Okay. Come on, Tesla.” Delphine watched with a fond smile on her face as the rapidly growing puppy trotted along at Cosima's heels, his tail wagging happily until Cosima slid open the door to the back yard and he darted out. Cosima followed after him, laughing. Delphine propped her chin against her palm. Outside, Cosima chased Tesla around the yard, failing to catch him even on his clumsy puppy legs. She was just as uncoordinated as he was, if not more. Delphine giggled as girl and dog tumbled over each other in the grass. Tesla planted his paws firmly on Cosima's chest and licked her face while Cosima's peals of laugher penetrated the door. She pushed to her feet and opened the door, hovering on the threshold.

“Cosima, we need to leave if we want to get to school on time,” she said. Cosima pushed an excited Tesla away from her, and agreed through her giggles.

“Tesla, get off,” she said, shielding her face from his affectionate licking until she was too high for him to reach. She ordered him inside, and squeezed past Delphine with a small smirk and a wink. Delphine blushed, her body burning where they touched. “Come on, then,” Cosima continued. Her words stirred Delphine into action.

Their hands brushed on the walk down. Delphine fought to keep herself from extending her fingers and wrapping them around Cosima's. It would hardly have mattered, out in the early morning when no one they knew would have been able to see them, but even the smallest risk... Delphine pulled her hand tighter to her body.

“-nking about getting dreads,” Cosima said.

“What?” Delphine asked.

“I said I've been thinking about getting dreads,” Cosima said.

“Dreads?”

“Yeah, you know.” Cosima motioned at her head. “Dreadlocks. Dad would probably flip, though. Maybe I should just get my nose pierced instead.” She shrugged. “I don't know. I probably won't do it. Just an idea.” Delphine glanced over at her.

“I can't imagine you with them,” she said, reaching to fluff Cosima's hair with her fingers. Cosima pulled her head away with a short laugh.

“I guess it would be harder for you to pull on it during sex,” she replied, then blushed. Delphine's legs trembled. “Sorry.”

“It's okay,” Delphine said, with a light shake of her head. “I do like doing that.” Cosima chuckled.

“Yeah, I know.” She paused. “Did you just acknowledge that we sleep together?” she continued quietly. Delphine bit her lip, hard.

“Yes,” she said. The look Cosima gave her almost buckled her knees, and wiped all thoughts of school from her brain, but they were too close to turn around and go back. She kept it up all day, sneaking touches when they were hidden by desks, or tables, or crowds of their peers. It took all of Delphine's self-restraint to not drag her into every bathroom they passed and kiss her until they were both breathless.

“Hey, Cosima, we should probably work on our project this afternoon,” Scott said during lab work, while Delphine had her face pressed to a microscope.

“What project?” Cosima asked absently. She sounded distracted. “Oh, that project. Yeah, sure, come over after. Oh! You can meet Tes!” Delphine shot up, almost falling backwards off her stool.

“No, he can't,” she blurted out before she could stop herself. They both looked at her, confused. “We have that... thing. Remember? From this morning? We talked about it.” Cosima's brow furrowed, her head tilting to the side. Her eyes sparked when she realized what Delphine was referencing, and her face flushed bright red.

“Right, yeah. Sorry, Scott,” she rushed out. “Tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Scott replied, still puzzled.

“Sorry,” Cosima mumbled again. Beneath the table, her hand found Delphine's leg and squeezed.

They all but crashed into the house. Their bags hit the floor with heavy thuds, the door slamming loudly as Cosima shoved Delphine back against it. Her lips were hot against Delphine's neck. Delphine's legs shook dangerously. She pushed at Cosima's shoulders, trying to lead her towards the sofa at the very least. They had time, she told herself. No one would be home for hours. There was plenty of time. Cosima stumbled, clinging to Delphine to keep from falling. They bumped into the back of the sofa. Never leaving each other's lips, they manoeuvred around the side of it until Cosima could shove Delphine onto the cushions, straddling her hips and cupping Delphine's jaw in her hands.

She had Cosima's shirt and bra off in seconds, cupping her breasts in her hands. Cosima groaned, and rolled her hips, pushing her chest into the touch. She kissed and nipped at Delphine's neck and shoulder. Delphine's head fell back against the sofa, leaving Cosima more room to explore. Lips found her throat. Delphine hummed out a soft moan. Something caught the edge of her hearing. She paused.

“Was that a car door?” she asked. Cosima sighed and pulled away.

“I didn't hear anything,” she said, then froze when the sound repeated itself. “Shit.” There was a scramble of motion. “Where the hell did you throw my shirt?”

“I don't know!” Delphine replied, coming up with Cosima's bra in her hand. She whipped her head around to find something to do with it, before finally giving up and shoving it down the couch cushions. Cosima struggled into her shirt, pulling it over her stomach just as the door opened. The two of them abruptly stopped moving when John stepped inside, shouting half a greeting before he saw them standing awkwardly next to each other.

“Uh, hi,” John said. “You two okay? Your face is kind of red, Cosima.”

“Yeah, I'm fine, I'm good. Just fine. I'm fine.” Delphine elbowed her. Cosima winced and rubbed at her arm. “I'm gonna grab some food. Delphine, will you take Tesla out?” Delphine nodded. Her entire body was trembling, and her heart hadn't stopped pounding since they'd gotten in the door, but now it was fear that ran through her veins, not the heat of desire. Tesla jumped happily around her feet when she opened the door to Cosima's room and let him out of his crate, bumping into her legs and barking. She let him run on his own, standing by the door and watching.

“Cosima,” John said from the living room. “Why is there a bra in the sofa?” Delphine felt her face turn red. She held her breath, and listened.

“Uh,” Cosima called from the kitchen. “Why do you always think it's me?”

“Because it usually is,” John replied.

“No, it isn't.”

“Oh, really? Remember that time the dog had eyebrows?”

“That wasn't me,” Cosima said.

“Don't tell me it was Delphine,” John replied with a laugh. Delphine called Tesla in. He followed her into the living room in time to see John hand Cosima her bra with an “I told you so” look on his face. Cosima's face and ears were as red as a tomato. She glanced at Delphine out of the corner of her eye, then hurried upstairs. Delphine trailed along behind her. Cosima was waiting in her doorway, obviously expecting Delphine to join her, but there was a vice in her chest screwing tighter and tighter. She chose her room instead, hiding behind the closed door.

Cosima followed, like she knew she would. Delphine could have locked the door, could have locked Cosima out, but all she did was move away and let Cosima push it open, poking her head inside with a concerned expression. When Delphine didn't shoo her out, she slipped inside, and shut the door softly behind her.

“Hey, are you okay? I know that was close, but... we're fine now. Yeah?” Delphine closed her eyes, keeping her back facing her step-sister.

“We have to stop,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Cosima's reaction was delayed by a beat.

“What?”

“We can't do this any more,” Delphine repeated. “We're going to ruin everything.”

“I-what? No. We can't stop. _I_ can't stop.” Her hand gripped Delphine's shoulder and firmly spun her around. Delphine averted her gaze. “I can't stop,” Cosima repeated.

“We have to,” Delphine whispered.

“No,” Cosima said. Her voice was firm, and too loud. “No, don't run away from me again, Delphine.” She breathed in shakily. Delphine shook her head.

“We have to.”

“I love you.” Delphine's head shot up. For a painful moment her heart refused to beat, and when it finally resumed, its pace was more frantic than it had been before. Her knees felt weak.

“What?”

“I love you, and I know you love me, too. I _know_ you do!”

“Cosima, please, be quiet. Our parents are downstairs.”

“Go ahead and deny it,” Cosima snapped. Her lips were quivering, and her eyes were shiny and wet. “Say you don't feel the same, and I'll stop. The looks, the touches, the jokes. All of it. We can be normal.” Delphine opened her mouth to reply, but could manage nothing more than a weak shake of her head. “Say it,” Cosima demanded with a fierce gaze. Her voice cracked. “Fucking _say it_ , Delphine!” Her eyes burned and watered. She held back a sob. “You can't, can you. Jesus Christ, Delphine. You can't even _deny_ it!” Cosima shoved her hands through her hair, letting out a laugh that sounded more like a cry.

“Do you know what I see when I look at you?” she asked. “I see forever, and I know, I know that is so, so _stupid_ , but I do. Ever since I saw you in that museum I knew there was something special about you, but I never thought that anything would come of it, but then there you were and, god, don't I wish that things were different, but they're not. I don't know what we're going to do about our parents, and I am just as scared as you are, but I see the way you look at me, and I'm pretty sure you see the same thing I do, and that means we can make this work.” Delphine's head reeled, her thoughts rushing about at a million miles a minute. Her lungs felt tight. She forced herself to breathe, trying to keep them steady and slow, but they shook and trembled just as badly as the rest of her was. She held Cosima's gaze.

“We can't,” she said. “We need to stop. This ends now.” Cosima's face crumpled slightly before she managed to catch herself and scoff.

“I won't believe you're breaking up with me,” she said. Delphine's eyes fell to the floor.

“I'm not breaking up with you. We would have to have been together for me to do that.” She could feel Cosima's stare boring into her, but she couldn't raise her head to meet it, to see the pain she knew she'd caused. Cosima inhaled sharply, and for a moment Delphine feared that she'd retaliate, but then the door slammed, and Delphine was left alone. She blinked back tears, sucking in a breath, looking around her room. She winced when Cosima's door shut just as loudly as hers had, and at the knock of her bed against their shared wall.

She thought, briefly, foolishly, that she'd be okay, even with the sickening swirl in her stomach that made her want to run to the bathroom and puke, but then a sob choked out of her throat, and she couldn't do anything to stop the ones that followed, only bite into the side of her hand to keep anyone from hearing.

 

Cosima wouldn't look at her, wouldn't talk to her, hardly acknowledged that she existed at all, and it felt like all she could do was cry when no one was looking and try not to when they were. Scott was confused by Cosima's short, often one word answers at school when they were forced to converse during labs, and even then she kept most of her attention on him or silently worked on her own. Tesla was even more distressed, constantly running between the two of them. He'd scratch at Delphine's door to be let in, then want out fifteen minutes later, only to come back after another fifteen. They tried to play happy when the adults were around. Cosima constantly using homework as an excuse to stay in her room made it that much easier.

It was what she wanted, Delphine reminded herself at night, when she was rolling away from the damp spot her tears had made on her pillow. It was what she wanted. Everything was normal. They were normal. Her life was normal. She was normal. Tesla pawed at her door and whined. Delphine got up to let him in, and even though it meant her duvet was covered in golden fur, didn't scold him when her jumped onto the mattress and curled up at the bottom of it, looking at her with his big brown eyes. Delphine sighed and slipped under her blankets again. She was normal.

Inevitably, Marie found out. As if her and Cosima's complete 180 hadn't been sign enough, she walked in on Delphine as she was wiping tears off her cheeks. She tried to hide it, but her mother knew her too well, and always had. Marie nudged Tesla away from the door and closed it behind her, crossing to sit next to Delphine on her bed.

“What's wrong?” she asked, stroking Delphine's hair. Delphine shook her head.

“Nothing, Maman,” she said, but her voice betrayed her, and so too did the blotches staining her cheeks and the red swell of her eyes. “I just had a bad day.”

“You've not been yourself for a while now, Delphy. Is there a boy that's hurt you? You can tell me, you know.” Delphine choked back a sob. Oh, if only it had been a boy. Her life would have been so much easier if it was just stupid teenage hormones and stupid teenage boys and not all of the feelings that threatened to drown her whenever her and Cosima were in the same room.

“It's not...” she started, then shook her head again. “It's just...” She couldn't think of an excuse. Thank god her mother didn't push, just pulled her into an embrace and petted her hair. Delphine clamped her mouth shut and accepted the comfort of her mother's arms before she said the real reason why she was so upset.

 

Cosima started going out. Delphine wanted to ask where, but she hardly had any opportunity to do so. Cosima avoided her in school, and left before she did, not coming home until after their parents had already arrived. When her birthday came, she skipped school, and no matter how many texts Delphine sent, she never received any response. She walked home alone to an empty house, and sat at the table staring at the box holding the cake that John had bought until he arrived shortly after.

“Where's Cos?” he asked, joining her. Delphine shrugged, and absently flicked the corner of the box with the tip of her nail. “Have you tried calling her?”

“No.” John wrangled his phone out of his pocket, and held it to his ear a few seconds later. Delphine watched him. She heard the echo of Cosima's voicemail. John frowned lightly. “Hey, Cos, it's your dad. You should come home, kiddo, we've got a surprise for you.” He hung up, looked at Delphine, and shrugged. “I'll try later if she doesn't call back. I guess all we can do is wait.”

So they did. Marie arrived home, confused until John took her aside and explained. Delphine slumped at the kitchen island with Tesla at her feet, curled up around the legs of her stool. With her head pillowed on her arms, she was close to falling asleep with Tesla suddenly barked and stood so quickly that her chair wobbled.

“Tesla!” she scolded. “No!” He ran in a circle then bolted for the door just as it opened and Cosima stepped through. She paused, grounding herself before he could bowl her over, then crouched down to greet him. When she looked up, her face was confused. And there was something on it. Delphine frowned lightly, her eyes following Cosima's path through the house.

“Where've you been?” John asked. “It's late. I called you, you know.” Cosima shrugged.

“Out.”

“Why is your nose red?” Cosima hesitated. She pushed Tesla away from her gently.

“I got it pierced.” John nodded slowly, and exhaled.

“I see. Well, we planned a party for you.” Delphine's eyes dropped to the dark spot on Cosima's neck, just below her jaw. She bit her lip, jealousy rising unbidden from deep in her chest.

“Sorry,” Cosima said offhandedly. “I'm tired, so I'm just going to go upstairs.” Her eyes briefly flickered over Delphine, but Delphine couldn't stop staring at the teeth marks on her skin.


	18. Clubs & Parties

Cosima flopped lightly onto her bed, laying on her back and staring up at the ceiling. Absently, she poked at her nose. Good thing she had friends who knew how to make fake IDs. The entire day had been worth missing whatever small party had been planned, from the girl she'd charmed in the club into making out with her against the wall to her new piercing. Delphine's reaction to her hickey hadn't been planned, but certainly made it all the better. _Serves her right,_ Cosima thought, bitterly. She sighed at the loud knock on her door, but rolled off her bed to open it. She sighed again when she saw it was Delphine on the other side.

“What do you want?”

“You know, we bought you a cake and everything. You could have at least called to let us know you wouldn't be home. It's almost midnight!” Cosima shrugged.

“So, what?” she asked, challenging. Delphine bit her lip, and huffed.

“So, so you _can't,_ ” she said.

“Why, because you don't like it?”

“No, because-”

“You don't get to tell me what to do, Delphine,” Cosima said softly. “ _You_ started this. This is what _you_ wanted.”

“I didn't want you sneaking out and hooking up with whores!” Delphine said, much too loudly. She flushed angrily. Cosima snorted.

“Presumptuous much? I have college friends. I went out with _them_ , if you really have to know, and since it was my birthday, I think I'm perfectly entitled to do whatever the hell I want.” She pushed on the door. “Get out of my room.” Face still red, Delphine reluctantly backed out. Cosima shut the door on her, and squeezed her eyes shut. Her chest constricted painfully. She forcibly pushed the feeling away, shaking her head as if that would actually clear her thoughts. It didn't, of course. Cosima sluggishly pulled her clothes off and fell back into bed. She waited for a moment, listening for another knock, or Tesla's pawing, but when nothing came she wrapped herself up in her blankets, and touched her nose again.

The house was quiet when she woke up the next day, and her nose was sore. Cosima groaned and slowly got up, shuffling to the door. She almost tripped over Tesla when she opened it, muffling a curse with her hand. Tesla yawned, and slowly stretched before moving out of her way. He followed her down the hall, only stopping when she shut the bathroom door. She peered at her nose in the mirror with blurry eyes. It was red, but no more so than it had been the night before. Cosima poked it experimentally, then gently cleaned it with warm water from the tap. Tesla butted her leg when she left the room.

“Not now,” she said. “Go bother Delphine, I have somewhere to be.” Tesla whined, and followed her, but when she shut him out of her room, she heard him go scratch at Delphine's door instead.

They passed each other on the stairs, Cosima dressed for her meeting and Delphine still in her pyjamas with Tesla at her heels. She could see a question lingering on the tip of Delphine's tongue, but Cosima was gone before she could decide to ask it. It was easier to breathe outside. Cosima sucked in lungfuls of fresh air before she could walk again, shivering lightly in the early morning chill. It wasn't a long walk, and if she'd been in a better mood, she would have taken Tesla along with her, but he was still too excitable for relaxed outings.

 

Jen was waiting on one of the benches in the park for her. She smiled when she spotted Cosima, and waved, and scooted over to make room for her to sit. Cosima complied with a smile of her own. Jen bent over to rummage around in her bag, coming up with a book in her hands. She handed it to Cosima.

“It's a bit messed up,” Jen said, “and there's a bunch of notes in it which you can completely disregard if you want to, but it's interesting. For a textbook.”

“Thanks,” Cosima replied. “Seriously.” Jen waved her off, and casually lit a cigarette. She offered the pack to Cosima, who shook her head.

“Right, right, only weed.” She gestured to Cosima's neck, blowing smoke out of her nose. “Good birthday, then?” Cosima nodded. “We're going out again tonight. If you wanna tag along, feel free. Jess is the designated driver, so we'll be sure you get home safe.” Cosima considered the offer as she ran her thumb along the pages of her new book. John wouldn't like it, but he'd stop caring the second she was home, Marie had been more worried about her daughter than Cosima, and Delphine...

“Yeah, sure,” she said.

“Cool,” Jen replied with a nod, getting to her feet. “I'll text you the place. See you at nine?” Cosima nodded.

“You bet.”

Cosima had never pegged herself as the kind of person who liked clubbing. She'd always kept to herself, but maybe it was being in an environment outside of the bullshit that was high school that brought it out in her. Jen and her friends were waiting outside when Cosima got there, and welcomed her with shouts of greeting and happy smiles. It was no problem getting in.

“I'll be at the bar with Jess,” Jen said into her ear. “If you need to go outside, or leave, or anything like that, find us, okay? Oh, and don't take drinks from anyone.”  
“I will,” Cosima replied, then slipped away and lost herself in the crowd. It was easier to forget about Delphine with people surrounding her, caught up in a sea of bobbing, weaving, grinding bodies. She felt almost purified by the sweat that gathered on her face and neck, and stained the top of her shirt. Here and there a person copped a feel, accidental or otherwise, but the touches did nothing more than make her feel like she was part of one, huge machine. When she broke for a drink, Jess grabbed her wrist and pulled her down so she could be heard over the music.

“That girl has been looking at you, Cos,” she said. Cosima gratefully threw back the water set in front of her and followed Jess' hand to a brunette down the bar. “Go get her.”

“Yeah, okay,” Cosima said, nodding. Jess patted her shoulder and gave her a light shove. Cosima squeezed through the stream of people going to and from the bar until she reached the brunette. “Hey,” she said, and grinned broadly. The girl looked up. “I'm Cosima.” She extended her hand. The girl took it.

“Bri,” she replied.

“Can I get you another drink?”

Bri left a rather impressive mark on the side of Cosima's throat that Jen made fun of the entire way home. Laughing, Cosima pushed off her wandering hands, elbowing her in the ribs until she relented with a chorus of okay's and slumped against the window. Cosima brushed her fingers over the bruise, and grinned.

“Cosima,” Jess said as they pulled up outside the house. “Wake her up before you get out.” Cosima shook Jen's shoulder until she shot upright, then with a wave and a series of goodbye's, slipped out of the car. She made sure to be extra quiet going inside, but there was no sign of her parents, Delphine, or Tesla. She was tired, and itchy with dried sweat, and her limbs felt heavy. She yawned on her way up the stairs to the bathroom, peeling off the clothes stuck to her body. The beat of hot water against her shoulders loosened some of the tension knotted in them.

Tesla was softly whining on the other side of Delphine's door when Cosima went past. Sighing quietly, she opened the door to let him out. Light flooded her face. She blinked as her eyes adjusted, and when she could see clearly, caught sight of Delphine curled up under her blankets. Her face was red. Cosima lingered in the doorway, watching, then quietly crossed the room to turn the lamp off. Tesla wound around her legs, then settled on the floor by the foot of her bed.

Cosima left her towels on the floor, and crawled into bed. The high from the night had worn off, and the longing pull in her chest returned. At her command, Tesla hopped up onto the bed. He awkwardly padded around her before settling on her other side with a soft huff. Cosima rolled over and buried her fingers in his fur.

 

Delphine and Scott had been spending more and more time together. Cosima hadn't noticed, too consumed with spending as much time as she could _away_ from the blonde, including skipping more school than she should have and spending many of her nights out of the house. She passed by them in the hall, standing off to the side and chatting happily. Delphine looked happier than Cosima had seen her in weeks, and completely oblivious to her presence. Cosima followed the stream of students, avoiding drawing attention to herself, even though the grin on Delphine's face made her stomach roll sickeningly.

She let them do the work during their lab, trying to block out the soft sound of Delphine's accent and Scott's stuttering replies. She used her phone to distract herself, texting Jen under the cover of the table. Her friend offered to pick her up after school and go get food, an offer that Cosima happily and quickly accepted. Delphine sent her a few curious glances from the other end of the table, but otherwise said nothing to her, keeping her attention focused solely on the work in front of her.

Jen was waiting, just like she had said. Cosima waved in greeting and pushed through a crowd of her peers to meet her.

“Hop on in,” she said, gesturing to her car. “Where do you wanna go?” Cosima shrugged, and fingered her seatbelt before locking it into place.

“Anywhere's fine,” she replied. Jen glanced over at her.

“You okay, Cos?” Cosima shrugged again.

“Long day.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She shook her head. “Okay, then.” They were silent for a while, only the music from the radio filling the silence. “Eat in or take out?” Jen asked.

“Eat in,” Cosima replied. “The longer I'm out the better.” Jen stared at her for a moment before swinging the car into an empty parking space. She let Jen order for them both and found a table in a quiet corner towards the back. Jen distributed their food when she returned, and settled, sipping at her soda.

“How's that book going?” she asked.

“Really good, thanks,” Cosima replied with a smile. “It's fascinating.” Jen smiled.

“I'm glad you liked it.” Cosima nodded and hummed, her mouth full. “What are you running from, Cosima?” Jen asked after a moment. The question made her balk before she could catch herself, but she quickly smoothed her features out and raised a brow.

“What makes you think I'm running from anything?” Jen shrugged.

“Just a hunch.”

“I'm not,” Cosima said firmly. Jen popped a fry into her mouth.

“Well, if you ever want to talk about it, give me a ring, okay?”

Cosima considered it the entire way home. She wasn't running, she thought, poking at her nose ring. She was avoiding the things that were causing her pain. She was trying to deal with it and move on, but she certainly wasn't running. There was nothing to run from. It wasn't like she was scared shitless of anything. She hadn't made any life changing decisions. That had been Delphine. Cosima said goodbye to Jen and slowly walked up the path to the front door. She paused outside, sighing, feeling like there was a weight pushing down on her shoulders. Tesla's excited bark through the door prompted her to open it.

“Hey, Cosima!” Cosima frowned, confused. What was Scott doing there? And why was he with Delphine? And why were they laughing? Why was Delphine always laughing when Scott was around? Cosima had known him for years, he wasn't that funny. Tesla bounded happily over to her, jumping up and putting his paws against her stomach. Cosima gently pushed him away, and let him lick her hand affectionately. “We have some pizza, want some?” Cosima opened her mouth to reply, but her throat choked the words out.

“No, she managed to say, too harshly. She walked past the pair of them, hurrying up the stairs.

“What's wrong with her?” Scott asked.

“Nothing,” Cosima heard Delphine say, her voice low and sad, before Cosima shut her door.

She couldn't understand how Scott's jokes could make Delphine laugh, but the blonde could hardly stand to be in the same room as her, forget having a conversation. The knock on her door, loud and urgent, was annoying more than anything else. Cosima sighed loudly and slowly stood.

“Jesus,” she muttered when she opened the door, rolling her eyes. “What do you want?”

“Don't be so mean to Scott, Cosima,” Delphine said, frowning at her. “He isn't doing anything wrong. He's my friend, and he came over to help me study, since _you_ haven't been paying enough attention in class to do so. Not that you would be willing anyway.” She turned on her heel, but before she walked back down the stairs, said, “He's your friend, too.” Cosima scowled. What was Delphine playing at? What was the point in telling her that Scott was only a friend? _Unless,_ she thought, slowly shutting her door, _unless she still has feelings for me?_ Her chest clenched. Delphine's feelings hardly mattered, not when she was so keen to ignore their existence. She must have just wanted to clear the air to keep Cosima from being hurt jumping to conclusions. _But he makes her laugh. I don't make her laugh any more. What if she likes him?_

Her mind whirred, asking the same questions over and over again. She didn't sleep, save for a brief period of dozing where she was abruptly brought back into consciousness by images of Scott with his hands and lips all over Delphine. It was more than enough to make her want to puke, and only deep lungfuls of cool morning air with her face pressed to the window screen stopped her from doing so. She couldn't stop from yawning, watching as the sun brightened her room bit by bit until her alarm went off and she slammed the button to stop the obnoxious buzzing.

Delphine would have been awake already, and had her shower. Or she should have been, but Cosima hadn't heard any movement from her room. Maybe she'd slept in. Cosima quietly left her room. Maybe she'd get a chance to shower first. She pulled her door shut, and turned, only to come face to face with Delphine emerging from her own room. Cosima froze, staring at her. Her eyes flickered from Delphine's down to her lips and back again. Her dream flashed before her eyes. Tesla's bark startled her back into the present. He darted around Delphine's legs, nearly bowling Cosima over with the force he exhibited, standing up to put his paws on Cosima's chest. She braced herself against the wall.

“Tesla!” she said sharply before she could stop herself. “Get down! Now!” Tesla dropped away, whining, and slunk away to stand behind Delphine.

“Do not yell at him, Cosima!” Delphine shouted. “He's just happy you're awake! You can be mean to me, and to Scott, and to your father, but you will _not_ yell at our dog when he is excited to see you!” Cosima blinked, and gaped. “You are the one who made him sleep with me last night because you refused to open your door when he wanted in, so don't you dare scold him for being happy.” She shoved past. Tesla followed, keeping close to her heels. Cosima drew in a shuddery breath, her eyes pricking. Screw having a shower, she thought, and pushed back into her room. Her phone dinged not long after, when she was sat on her bed with Delphine's angry voice a loud echo rebounding off the inside of her skull.

 **Hey there's a party tonight. Wanna come?** Cosima stared at it.

**Yes. Pick me up?**

**See you at 7 =)**

It wasn't the first party she'd been to, but like she'd thought she would be with clubs, she'd never really found them all that interesting. She'd been excited at first, in a house full of people she didn't know, with alcohol and weed, but now she couldn't find Jen or Jess, and she was a bit drunk, but not high enough, and she'd sold her last joint to a group of guys for twenty bucks. Aimlessly, she wandered around, sipping at the drink that she'd been cradling against her chest for the past ten minutes, trying to find where her friends had gone. No one paid her any attention. She was stopped by a blonde, tall and much drunker than Cosima was, slurring so badly that Cosima could only understand half of what she was saying.

“So, do you wanna make out?”

“What?”

“Your friends, they said you're into girls?”

“I-uh...” Cosima faked an apologetic smile. “Actually, I need to go.” Someone bumped into her during her escape, and spilled beer on her top with a slurred apology. Cosima rolled her eyes, and set her drink down. It was in the bathroom that she found Jen and Jess, Jen kneeling over the toilet with Jess holding her hair back. She smiled apologetically at Cosima.

“Sorry,” she said. “She had too much. What happened to your shirt?”

“Someone spilled their drink,” Cosima said absently, and sighed. “It's fine, I'll wash it when I get home.” She left, closing the door on the sounds of Jen's retching, and rubbed at her eyes. She smelled like beer and pot and cigarette smoke, and she had a test to be studying for. Cosima trod heavily back downstairs, pausing at the base of the staircase. _What am I doing here?_ _My friends are sick, those two are basically fucking, and those two are getting food everywhere._ She rummaged in her pockets for her cash, and counted it. At least no one had picked her pocket, and thanks to those frat boys, she had more than enough money to get the bus back home.

She was the only one at the stop, huddled up on the bench and turning her phone in her hands. It was still chilly, and she was tired, and lonely, and badly needed the shower she'd ignored that morning. She was relieved when the bus finally arrived, carrying few passengers. The quiet was welcome compared to the thumping of shitty music in her ears. Cosima curled up in her seat and closed her eyes, resting her head against the window.

Tesla was sitting just inside the door when she sneaked in, quietly shutting and locking it behind her. He butted her leg. Cosima dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He sighed, but didn't move until Cosima let him go and stood back up, then followed her into the living room and stretched out by her feet when she sunk onto the sofa. She stared at the TV, and kicked her shoes off so she could rub Tesla's shoulder with her foot. Her head filled with static. A creak on the stairs pulled her attention, and a glance at the clock revealed that she'd been sat there for over an hour. Tesla had fallen asleep, and was snoring softly.

“Cosima?” Delphine asked, slowly moving towards her with her arms wrapped around her chest. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Cosima sighed. “Finals are next week, and I haven't studied at all. I don't even know what's going on because I haven't been paying attention in class, and if I don't do well it's going to drop my grades down, and my GPA with it.” Delphine paused, biting her lip. She raked a hand through her hair.

“Do you want to borrow my notes?” she finally asked. Cosima closed her eyes and slouched against the sofa.

“Yes. Please.”

“Okay.” The floor groaned softly under her weight as she turned. “Wait,” Cosima said, eyes flashing back open. “Delphine.” The blonde spun around.

“Yeah?”

“I'm sorry,” Cosima said. Delphine hesitated, then smiled. It warmed Cosima's chest, even though it didn't quite reach her eyes.

“Okay,” she replied. “You should change. I can smell you from here.” Cosima breathed out a laugh, and got up to follow Delphine up the stairs.


	19. Graduation

Delphine all but threw herself into her studies. It wasn't difficult to do, and it provided a welcome distraction whenever Cosima looked at her phone and smiled. They could be friends now, she thought, rubbing absently at the faint ache in her chest while Cosima's laugh trailed off and she shook her head, setting her phone down.

“Sorry,” Cosima said, and leaned back over their combined notes. “Where were we?”

“Here,” Delphine replied, indicating the place they'd stopped on the paper in front of her. Cosima tapped her pen against the table, and propped her chin up with her palm, staring.

“Thanks, for this,” she said, glancing at Delphine out of the corner of her eye. “I know you didn't have to. I've been shitty.” Delphine shook her head, and smiled.

“I don't mind,” she replied. “It wouldn't be fair of me to let you fail all your tests.” Cosima laughed.

“Shame you can't help me with the others,” she replied. Her pen flicked out of her grasp. Cosima sighed, watching as it rolled across the table, and reached out at the same time Delphine did. Their fingers brushed. Delphine jerked her hand away, face burning.

“I'm sorry,” she said automatically. Cosima waved her off, but her face was pink as well. She reached for her pen.

“No, it's cool. No apology necessary.” She cleared her throat. “So, uh, I'm gonna take Tesla out for a walk today. Later. Thought we'd go to the park Do you, uh, do you wanna come along?”

“Yes,” Delphine replied. “Of course.”

They took his leash, but Tesla didn't need it. He trotted obediently between them, occasionally pausing to sniff something, but never wandering off. Delphine had a ball stashed away in her bag for Tesla to chase, and Cosima had all the food in a cooler slung over her shoulder. They let Tesla run when they reached the park while they found a place to set up, by a bench under a tree. Delphine fished the ball out of her bag and tossed it lightly in her palm.

“Tesla!” she called. Tesla stopped short, swerved around until he could see them, and bounded over, panting happily. Delphine held the ball in front of him. “Ready? Go fetch!” She lobbed it into the open space ahead of them, grinning as Tesla rushed out of it. He caught it before it hit the ground, and rushed back over to them, dropping it by Delphine's feet. She bent to pick it up, then handed it to Cosima. Her step-sister grinned. Tesla wiggled in front of her, and barked happily.

“Go!” Cosima urged, throwing the ball. When Tesla came back, he paused with the ball in his mouth, and looked between the two of them. “Bring it here, Tes,” Cosima said.

“Non, ici, Tesla,” Delphine countered. Tesla hesitated, then trotted to Cosima. Cosima smiled smugly.

“He loves me more,” she teased, tossing the ball. Delphine rolled her eyes and scoffed. Cosima held her hand out for the ball when Tesla returned, only to have him turn to Delphine instead. She doubled over laughing, and ruffled the fur on Tesla's head.

“Loves you more, hm?” Cosima rolled her eyes.

“Throw the damn ball.” He alternated between the two of them, his tail wagging so hard that his butt wiggled with it.

It felt too easy. Delphine lounged on the bench with her feet resting on Tesla's side, the puppy worn out from his excursions. Cosima was on her phone, tapping away at the screen with her thumbs. Delphine rolled her head to the side to watch with a light frown.

“Who are you talking to?” she asked. Cosima glanced up.

“No one, just a friend. One of the ones from college.” Delphine hummed. Tesla sighed heavily. “Time to go home?” Delphine nodded. It felt too easy, and it felt like nothing had changed. It felt like things were falling back to how they'd been before... She could feel the elephant that filled the space between them whenever they were in the same room, and the underlying tension in each movement and look and spoken word. It would go away, Delphine told herself. The past few months had been stressful for both of them. Of course there would be tension left after all of the fighting and avoiding. Each time Delphine caught a glint of light off the ring in Cosima's nose, she was reminded of the mark on her neck that had accompanied it, and her stomach twisted. It would pass too, she thought. They could be friends. Sisters.

She relaxed after their final exams were over, confident that she'd done well enough to pass and keep her grades good, but she could tell by the tightness around Cosima's eyes that her step-sister hadn't.

“There's no use worrying over it, Cosima. You're still going to graduate, and we won't know until they send out report cards. Is that correct?”

“Yeah, no, I know, but-” Cosima threw her hands up and sunk onto the sofa. “I just want to _know._ I'll feel better about having slacked off so much if my efforts paid off.”

“I'm sure you did fine,” Delphine replied.

“You think so?” Delphine smiled, and sat next to her. As always, she made sure to keep some distance between their bodies. Enough to be respectful, but not obvious. She reached for the remote.

“Of course.”

Their parents threw them a graduation party, of sorts. It was more just a mash up of them and Scott and his parents, gathered at their house for a barbecue. Delphine and Scott played with Tesla while Cosima watched her father and the grill like a hawk to make sure none of the food burned, especially since John kept getting distracted by their guests. Delphine watched as she gave up, rolling her eyes with a loud huff and swiping the tongs out of John's hands.

“I swear to god,” she mumbled, flipping the burgers.

“Scott,” Delphine said, handing him the ball she'd been tossing for Tesla to catch. “Throw this at Cosima. It'll be funny.”

“I don't know, Delphine...” She nudged his shoulder and smiled.

“Please?” He blushed.

“Okay, okay.” Delphine handed him the ball. He lobbed it lightly. Tesla chased after it, bumping into Cosima's legs on his way past.

“Jesus Christ!” Cosima shouted, stumbling backward. “Tesla, watch it!” Delphine's laughs drew her attention, but Scott's red face gave him away. “Dammit, Scott!”

“Delphine made me do it!” he shouted. Delphine fell back into the grass, the indignant look on Cosima's face too funny to ignore. Tesla barked happily, and bolted after Cosima when she ran for Delphine, skidding along the ground on her knees until her hands found Delphine's sides. Scott yelped and shuffled out of the way. Delphine shoved Cosima away, her lungs aching from lack of air.

“Bitch,” Cosima said affectionately with a final shove at her side. Tesla licked her face until she pushed him off, then followed Cosima back to the grill to sit by her feet and wait for scraps.

“It's nice to see you two getting along again,” Scott said. Delphine stretched out on her back and squinted up into the bright sky.

“Yes,” she said quietly. “It is.”

“Delphine!” John called. Delphine propped herself up. “Go help Cosima with the burgers, then come inside. Your mother and I have something we want to tell the two of you.” Delphine clambered to her feet and fetched a plate for Cosima to pile the burgers on, setting it on the table and out of Tesla's reach.

“What do you think they want?” Delphine asked on their way inside. Cosima shrugged.

“Let's hope they're not expecting another kid, because I have had enough big surprises over the past year. I don't know if my heart can take any more.” Delphine chuckled.

“I don't think I could deal with that either. I like being an only child.” Cosima snorted and opened the door for her.

“Technically, neither of us are only children,” she pointed out, and slid the door shut on the noise from outside. Their parents were waiting for them in the kitchen. Cosima went straight in and sat at the island, but Delphine lingered in the door until Marie beckoned her in. She sat next to Cosima, and directed a questioning look at their parents.

“We know this has been a hard year for both of you,” John started, “and Marie and I wanted to do something special to show how proud we both are of you for doing so well.” He shrugged. “Mostly. And for making it through high school, to. Not an easy thing to do, I know.” He lifted an envelope, and laid it on the island. “So, we booked you two a trip to Paris for three weeks.”

“We found a lovely hotel,” Marie chimed in. “You have been there before, Delphine, but you were very little. It was before your father left.” Cosima leaned forward and pressed her head to the counter.

“What did I say about surprising me, Dad?” she asked. The adults chuckled.

“When do we leave?” Delphine asked, excitement filling her chest.

“After your grad ceremony,” John replied, and flicked the envelope across the counter. It hit the top of Cosima's head. She jerked it up and glared. It wasn't until Delphine realised that it would only be her and Cosima sharing a hotel room in Paris that apprehension won out over eagerness to return home.

 

“Delphine, are you okay?”

“Yes,” Delphine replied, but the tension in her voice and the straining of her knuckles against her skin where she gripped the arms of her seat spoke differently.

“Relax,” Cosima said, and briefly touched her hand. It didn't help. “You'll be fine when we're in the air and they let us turn our stuff back on. You can sleep?”

“I will not sleep,” Delphine replied. “I couldn't on the trip over, and I won't now.”

“You don't know that for sure,” Cosima said.

“Yes, I do.” Cosima sighed.

“Suit yourself,” she said, and handed over her tablet. “I loaded tons of books on the other day. Have fun. I plan on sleeping the entire flight.”

“No!” Delphine said too loudly. Cosima frowned at her. “Please. If you...” She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I do not like flying.”

“Why didn't you say so to start?”

“Because it's silly.”

“Delphine, it's me,” Cosima said. _Exactly,_ Delphine thought, biting her lip. “You don't have to be worried about telling me that kind of stuff.” She smiled, and Delphine's heart skipped a beat. Would it ever stop? “I'll stay awake as long as I can.” The engines rumbled to life. Delphine grasped Cosima's hand. She heard the sharp intake of breath next to her as her nails bit into Cosima's palm. The other girl squeezed her fingers.

“I'm sorry,” Delphine hissed.

“Don't, it's okay. Relax, though, we haven't even taken off yet.” Delphine nodded, and purposefully breathed in through her nose. “I'm not going anywhere.” Delphine squeezed her eyes shut when the plane began to move, taxiing slowly towards the runway. Cosima tweaked her fingers reassuringly.

“I'm fine,” Delphine said.

“I know,” Cosima replied. She didn't let go of Cosima's hand until they were well in the air, and the seatbelt light dinged off. “Delphine, it's a smooth ride. Statistically, flying is the safest way to travel.”

“I know,” Delphine said, ruffling her free hand through her hair and finally untangling her fingers from Cosima's.

She was close to falling asleep, feeling the heaviness of it weighing down on her chest and shoulders as her body relaxed, heart rate slowing and breathing evening out. The warmth of Cosima's hand, sitting next to hers on the arm rest, seeped into the side of her palm. Then the plane rumbled, and shook, and Delphine jolted with it, her heart suddenly in her throat. Automatically, she reached for Cosima, and buried her fingers in her shirt.

“Mmm, Delphine,” Cosima mumbled sleepily, slowly stirring in her grasp. “Delphine?” Delphine whimpered, and hid her face in the crook of Cosima's neck. “Hey, calm down. It's just a bit of turbulence, it's totally normal.”

“We're going to crash,” Delphine mumbled.

“No way, seriously. I told you, the chance of us dying in a plane crash is like, really small. You're more likely to get hit by a car.”

“That is not helping.” Cosima sighed, and pulled away from her. Delphine followed, but Cosima's hands on her shoulders pushed her away.

“Hey, look at me. Delphine, look at me.” Slowly, Delphine raised her head, and locked eyes with Cosima. “Everything's okay. I'm right here, and we're going to be fine. We're going to get to France, and drink too much and have a lot of fun. We're going to be fine. Say it.”

“We're going to be fine,” Delphine echoed in a low whisper.

“Good. Feel better?” Delphine nodded weakly, but didn't withdraw the vice-like grip she had on Cosima's hand. Her step-sister cleared her throat and glanced around.

“So, uh, when's dinner?” she asked.

“You slept through it.”

“What? Oh, god dammit.” Cosima scowled and looked down at her stomach. Her free hand moved to cover it. “Maybe I can still get some peanuts or something. Why didn't you wake me up?” _Because you looked so beautiful sleeping,_ Delphine thought before she could help herself, and immediately blushed. She turned her head away.

“You were asleep,” she said instead. “It would have been rude to wake you.”

“Eh,” Cosima replied, and sharply exhaled. “Can you snag some snacks for me? I'm starving.”


	20. Place des Vosges

Delphine fell asleep in the cab, head resting on Cosima's shoulder. She looked down at the blonde, then back up when their cab driver began to speak to her.

“Ah bah, vous êtes arrivées à un bon moment toutes les deux, hein. Vous savez, la semaine dernière on a eu des orages terribles. Une partie de la ville a été inondée - franchement on sait pas ce qu’elle fout la mairie… Mais maintenant, ça va. Il paraît qu’on aura du beau temps cette semaine. ” He glanced at her in the side mirror. “Vous êtiez déjà venue à Paris avant?”

“Uh,” Cosima stumbled, her mind reeling. All she heard was a jumble of words, with a few she recognized here and there, but she couldn't for the life of her understand what exactly the man had said to her. She glanced down at Delphine, properly passed out against her, despite the bumpy ride. She supposed it was only fair, seeing as she hadn't slept the entire flight over. “Uh, oui.”

“J’suis déjà allé partout dans cette ville, moi,” the man continued. “Même les endroit que personne ne connait. Qu’est-ce qu’il vous plaît le plus ici?” Cosima stared at him, frowning. The man cleared his throat and focused on the road, quiet. Cosima clenched her fingers where they rested in her lap to keep from placing one on Delphine's thigh, and stared out the window. It had all started here, she thought with a sigh. In that stupid museum. She'd never expected it. She still couldn't quite believe it. It was just her luck.

Delphine murmured wordlessly and shifted against her. Her nose pressed to the side of Cosima's neck. Cosima closed her eyes, her body stiff until Delphine settled again and she could relax. She was still doomed. All the messing around, the drinking, the drugs, none of it had helped. Her heart still clenched painfully whenever she was around the blonde. Being alone with her in France wouldn't help, miles and miles away from the only thing that had really held them back. Cosima shook her head, scowling at the back of the seat in front of her. It wouldn't do either of them any good to think like that.

 

They had a posh room in a posh hotel. There really had been no expense spared. Cosima glanced around as they walked in, pulling her suitcase lazily behind her. Delphine headed straight through the small entry room into the connected bedroom. Cosima didn't stop her, taking the time she had before the blonde returned to breathe.

“Are we going to dinner tonight, Cosima?” Delphine called.

“Yeah,” Cosima replied, and dragged herself and her bag over to the sofa before draping herself over it with a tired sigh.

“Do you mind if I take a nap? I'm exhausted. I won't be any fun at dinner tonight like this.”

“Yeah, Cosima repeated. “Do whatever you want.”

“Wake me up in an hour, please.” Delphine shut the door, and left Cosima to deal with the silence that filled her absence. Cosima sighed again, and drummed her fingers on the couch. She picked up the TV remote from the coffee table and turned it in her hands before setting it back down. Maybe a walk would clear her head, help her to gather her thoughts. Just a short one, only around the block. If she knew Delphine at all the blonde would be out within minutes, and Cosima had plenty of time. She double checked that she had her room key and her ID before leaving quietly.

It smelled like a city, and all around here were sounds that she couldn't understand; a haze of hurried French that jumbled together into a mass of different voices. Cosima shoved her hands into her pockets and picked a direction, letting her feet carry her along the pathway. _I can do this,_ she told herself. _I can do this._ She could pretend to be over her. She could pretend her heart didn't break more and more each day. She had to deal with it, there wasn't any other option. They were going to have a good holiday and she wasn't going to let her feelings get in the way of her and Delphine enjoying their time in the city. She refused.

 

They stared at each other for several very long moments when it was time to sleep, full from dinner. Cosima didn't know if Delphine had felt the same tension she had, but she'd almost been dreading this moment. Downstairs in the restaurant it had been fine. They'd planned out their week and chatted easily about the things each of them wanted to do, but now in the stillness of the room it felt like someone had squeezed a whale into the space with them.

“I'll go-” Cosima started at the same time Delphine said,

“I will change-” They both stopped, shared an awkward glance, and giggled nervously.

“I'll change in the other room,” Cosima said before Delphine could speak again. The blonde nodded. Cosima slipped out quickly with her clothes, and speedily shed her layers to replace them with others. She'd been careful with what she picked, making sure her pyjamas dwarfed her. It probably wouldn't matter, but she didn't want to take any chances. No messing it up. She knocked and waited for Delphine's permission before entering the bedroom again. The blonde was already in bed, all but her hair hidden by the blankets. Cosima awkwardly crossed the room to the free bed, and pulled back the unfamiliar covers. She shut off the light on her bedside table, drenching the room in darkness, and waited for a goodnight. When one didn't come, she rolled onto her side and shut her eyes. Sleep didn't come easy, but when it finally did it was fitful.

She was allowed the luxury of sleeping in, but the sounds of Delphine removing herself from her own bed to go shower kept her from drifting off again. She used the time she had to dress, and made them both coffee with the maker by the mini bar. It was still warm by the time Delphine joined her, dressed, and towelling excess moisture from her hair. It looked better curly, Cosima thought, looking away before she could start staring.

“Plan for today?” she asked, finishing off her drink. Delphine shrugged, and tossed her hair over one shoulder to reach the back.

“Breakfast buffet downstairs, no?” Delphine replied, and Cosima wasn't sure if it was her ears playing tricks on her or not, but Delphine's accent sounded more pronounced now that they were back in her homeland. “A walk along the river perhaps? We could grab lunch in a café, and go see a show tonight. I'm sure there is something worth seeing.”

“Hey, you know the city better than me,” Cosima said. Delphine hummed. “You know me; take me to museums and I'm happy. The rest is up to you.” Delphine smiled shyly at her.

“Let me just finish my hair and we can leave. Half an hour?”

“You should leave it,” Cosima said as Delphine turned her back. The blonde paused.

“I'll get my bag,” she said after a moment, and disappeared into the next room.

 

It was almost romantic, strolling along the Seine, sipping at lattes, despite both of them hardly saying a word to each other. It could have been, if it weren't for the tension that stretched between them. In another life, maybe, Cosima mused, but she'd already touched and tasted, and doubted she ever would again. Any romanticism was a delusion on her part, and she hardly expected Delphine to feel the same. They saw a movie after a quick dinner at one of Delphine's favourite haunts, thankfully one in English. The blonde spent most of the night on edge, fidgeting and constantly looking around them, like she was afraid she was being watched.

“What's wrong?” Cosima finally asked, concern furrowing her brow. Delphine shrugged.

“I'm not so sure I want to see any of my friends,” she replied, “but I'm being silly. They're probably all out drinking.”

“Why don't you want to see them?” Cosima asked, and then remembered. “Oh, right. Him.” Delphine hummed. “We don't need to go out for drinks,” she continued with a smile. “We have a mini fridge filled with alcohol.”

“We have to pay for what we drink,” Delphine pointed out. “It's expensive.”

“It's also not on our dime.” She shrugged, uncaring. “Parents paying, no holds barred. Besides, like they said, it's been a tough year. I'm sure they'll understand if we need some stress relief.”

“You're wicked,” Delphine replied. Cosima laughed, satisfied when the blonde relaxed next to her.

 

She forgot to knock before going into the bedroom. She was used to sharing a bathroom, nothing more, and she'd thought, foolishly, that she'd given Delphine enough time to get changed. It's not like she was slipping into some elaborate dress for a night out on the town, she was just getting ready for bed, but Cosima had the worse timing in the world. She stared, like she had the first time, Delphine's shocked gasp registering in the back of her mind, but unlike the incident in the bathroom all those months ago, Delphine didn't bother to cover herself. Her shock worn off, all she did was turn her back and pull her shirt over her head.

“Shit,” Cosima suddenly blurted, blushing. “I'm so sorry.” Delphine shrugged her shoulders and pulled back the blankets on her bed.

“It's fine,” she said as she fixed the pillows. “It's nothing you haven't seen before.” They both froze. Cosima held her breath. She _had_ seen it before, time and time again, and loved every inch, but Delphine's acknowledgement, casual and nonchalant, threw her off balance. The blonde glanced over her shoulder, her cheeks pink, then climbed into bed. “Are we still going to the park tomorrow?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Cosima said, her voice breathy. She cleared her throat. “Yeah, totally. If you want to.”

“Good,” Delphine replied. “Good night.” She flicked off the light, leaving Cosima standing in half-darkness. The images burned behind her eyes made her body smoulder.

 

The tension in the air was still there in the morning, making it thick and awkward. The two of them shied around each other, Cosima going so far as to stay tucked up in bed until Delphine had been in and out of the bathroom, showered and dressed when she emerged. She glanced at Cosima once, her eyes lingering for a few seconds, before she went into the other room, shutting the door behind her.

“So, where are we going?” Cosima asked after they'd been walking for some time. She didn't know where she was, though she would have been able to retrace their steps back to the hotel if she needed, but Delphine's confidence made her feel easy.

“Place des Vosges,” she replied, “but first we are going to get food at Carette's.” Cosima followed her into the shop, glancing about while Delphine waited in line. “Deux monegasques, sil vous plaît,” she heard the blonde say, and absently glanced over her shoulder. She carried the bag for them, and opened the door for Cosima with a smile. Cosima returned it, brushing past her.

“This is beautiful,” Cosima commented when they reached the square.

“Did you not come last time?” Delphine asked, weaving through the dozens of people stretched out on the grass, looking for a clear spot for them to settle.

“No, it was all the big attractions for us.”

“A shame,” Delphine replied. “It is one of the charms of Pa-” she stopped suddenly, both speech and movement, so abruptly that Cosima almost tripped over her.

“What?” she asked, and leaned around the blonde to follow her gaze to a boy and girl who looked the same age as they did, cuddled up together on a blanket. She frowned, and looked at Delphine again. “Do you know them?”

“It's Claude,” Delphine replied, her voice tight, “and her hair is different, but that is Claire with him.” Claude said something that made Claire laugh, and Delphine's face twisted into a scowl. “We should go sit somewhere else.”

“Give me my salad,” Cosima said, an idea springing into her mind.

“What?” Delphine asked. Cosima held out her hand.

“My salad.” Warily, Delphine fished the container out of the bag and handed it over.

“Cosima, what are you-”

“Wait here,” Cosima ordered, flicking the top open and wrestling with the container of dressing Delphine had gotten for her. She handed the blonde the trash, then navigated her way towards the young couple across the square. Looping around so she could come up behind them, Cosima wiped the smirk off her face, lifted her salad, and dumped it on their heads. They both shouted in alarm.

“Merde, c’est quoi votre problème?!” Claude shouted, turning around to glare up at her.

“I'm so sorry,” Cosima replied in her best tourist voice. “I am so, sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going.” Claude angrily brushed salad out of his hair and off his shirt while Claire rattled off at them both in rapid fire French. “I'm so sorry,” Cosima said again, taking her empty box and backing away. When she turned around she grinned, dumping the box in the nearest trash bin. Delphine's mouth was open in shock when Cosima reached her side again, still smiling.

“Cosima, what have you done?” she asked, sounding horrified. Cosima scoffed and shrugged her shoulders. “That was ten Euros!”

“It was worth it, though. He deserves worse, for what he did to you. They both do.” Delphine stared at her, long and hard, then glanced briefly at her old friends. Her lips twisted as she tried to hold back her laughter, but it bubbled out of her throat and bent her at the waist. Cosima joined in, then reached for the blonde's hand. “Come on, let's get out of here before they see us.” Delphine let herself be pulled along, following Cosima around to the other side of the square and finding a space in the grass for them to settle.

“You don't have anything to eat now,” Delphine said as she pulled her salad out of the bag. Cosima shrugged and stretched out next to her, soaking up the sunlight.

“I'll just share yours,” she replied, and held out her hand for a fork.

“What makes you think I will let you have any?” Delphine asked with a coy smile.

“Because I just dumped mine all over your ex-boyfriend for you, and you love me.” Delphine paused, watching her carefully. Cosima met her eyes and searched them, trying to see what lay behind. Silently, Delphine held out her salad. Cosima accepted the box from her and dug her fork in.

“It was very funny,” Delphine said after a few minutes, grinning again. Cosima smiled back.

“It was, wasn't it?” she agreed. “So worth it.”


	21. The Moulin Rouge

She never figured out how exactly Cosima persuaded her to go to the Moulin Rouge with her to see Féerie, but Cosima had secured them both tickets before she could even say anything. It was one of the few places in the city that Delphine had never been. She'd walked past it several times, to be sure, but it wasn't the kind of place visited with one's parents, and her friends had never been interested enough or rich enough to book tickets. They had frequented the bars in the area on occasion, but nothing more.

There was wine with dinner, and by the time the show was beginning, Delphine's body was pleasantly warm and her head fuzzy. Cosima ordered them more, lifting her glass to Delphine with a smile. Delphine raised her own, touching them with a soft clink before sipping, her eyes never leaving Cosima's. It was quiet a spectacle, Delphine admitted, settled comfortably in her seat with her wine glass almost constantly full. She enjoyed the costumes, and the music, and the dancing was certainly more than impressive. She drank her wine with a glance over at Cosima, who was thoroughly enjoying herself with a smile on her face. When she noticed Delphine's stare, she looked over, and leaned close so she could speak.

“Having fun?” she asked, directing her smile at Delphine.

“It's very entertaining,” Delphine agreed. Cosima snorted in amusement.

“No shit. Half naked French girls? What's not to like?” She settled back into her chair, unaware of the blush that heated Delphine's face. A minute later and she leaned over again. “So, who do you think is the prettiest?” Delphine nearly choked on her wine. She dabbed it off her chin with the back of her hand and glared at her companion.

“They are all equally pretty, Cosima,” she replied. In the lights flashing from the stage, she could see Cosima roll her eyes.

“Come on, there has to be one you think is prettier.” She gestured to one of the dancers on the side, almost spilling wine onto the table. Delphine's hand darted out to steady the glass before she could think, and her fingers lingered on the side of Cosima's hand until it was pulled out of her reach. “I like her.” Delphine sighed, scanning the women on the stage. She was no where near drunk enough for this.

“They're all pretty,” she said again. Cosima huffed and leaned back in her chair. She finished off her glass.

“You're no fun,” she said.

“And you've had too much wine.”

“Pfft, I'm just tipsy.” She filled her glass again, and tipped off Delphine's for her. “You haven't had enough. Drink up, stop being so stodgy.”

“I'm not being stodgy!” Delphine retorted. “I do not have the same tastes as you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Cosima said absently. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Delphine sighed and turned her attention back to the show.

Cosima somehow managed to run into a small gathering of dancers on her way to the bathroom before they left, and she was absolutely charming them out of their silly sequinned and feathered costumes. Delphine stood off to the side with her arms crossed over her chest and a glower on her face that she couldn't have hidden if she tried. Her head was fuzzy from all the wine, and she wanted nothing more than to stomp over and drag Cosima away from the giggling girls and take her step-sister back to the hotel for the night. The grin of delight on Cosima's face was almost enough to make her sick, even without the muttered snippets of conversation between the dancers that floated over to her.

“She's so adorable for an American,” one of them said giddily in French.

“I know, and very cute as well. I wouldn't hesitate to take her home with me.” Cosima looked confused, but delighted. Delphine angrily bit into her lip, then stalked over to the group and grabbed Cosima's elbow.

“Come on,” she said, “we need to go back.  
“Noooo, Delphine, I want to stay with the pretty girls,” Cosima complained, pulling her arm away. Delphine reached for it again.

“Let her stay with us,” one of the dancers said to her, looping her boa around Cosima's neck and loosely pulling her in. “We will take good care of her, we promise.” Delphine turned the scowl that threatened to line her face into a tight smile.

“I'm sorry,” she said in her native tongue, “but my sister has had too much to drink, and if I leave without her our parents will be furious.” With a firm tug, she untangled Cosima from the mass of feathers and women. Cosima moaned, stretching out an arm towards them, the boa still around her neck, but followed anyway. One of the girls blew Cosima a kiss, which she returned with a loud giggle. Delphine pushed away the urge to puke.

“They were lovely,” Cosima said when they were settled in the back of a cab. She played with the boa around her neck, and rolled her head to the side to look at Delphine. “Weren't they? So pretty, and nice. I love girls.” Delphine crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes, but she was less inclined to hit someone now that it was just her and Cosima alone again. It was hardly Cosima's fault, she was just drunk and enjoying herself. Delphine sighed softly.

“Yes, Cosima,” she agreed, and closed her eyes. “They were lovely.”

She felt better by the time they arrived back at the hotel, her steps a bit unsteady, but miles better than Cosima's, who was having trouble walking in a straight line but at least was able to keep herself upright. She hummed a tune to herself under her breath in the lift up to their floor, and made a beeline for the mini bar the second she stepped in the door.

“Don't you think you've had enough?” Delphine asked, shutting the door and gratefully slipping her heels off her feet. Cosima shrugged, finding glasses for both of them.

“One more won't hurt,” she said with a smile, and filled them halfway. She pulled the boa off her neck, and handed Delphine one of them, then settled on the sofa with a content sigh and kicked her shoes off. Delphine joined her on the couch, and stretched her legs out. Cosima's eyes skimmed up her legs. “You look really good in that dress,” she said, then cleared her throat, but it couldn't hide the roughness in her voice. Delphine's heart jumped painfully. “Is it new?”

“No,” Delphine replied softly, sipping at her wine. “I have not had a recent occasion to wear it.”

“It's beautiful.” Delphine turned her head to meet Cosima's gaze, and felt her throat go dry under the intensity of it. “You're beautiful,” she clarified.

“You're drunk,” Delphine said weakly.

“You're still beautiful.” Cosima's breath ghosted across her lips. “If you don't move, I'm going to kiss you.” Her lips tasted like wine. It was how their first kiss should have been, Delphine thought, as Cosima's lips moved slowly and softly against hers, tentative and exploring. It should have been like this, not rough and desperate outside her bedroom door. Her heart lodged in her throat, fluttering like a bird trapped in a cage. Her blood rushed in her ears. Cosima's eyes were dark when she pulled away, gently taking Delphine's wine glass from her hands and setting them on the coffee table.

She had tried, Delphine told herself, as Cosima's fingers laced through hers and she helped her to her feet, never breaking eye contact. She had tried, and she had had a good run, but she had been doomed from the start. Anticipation grew in her chest, a ball of warmth that spread from the centre of it out to her fingertips. Cosima kissed her again, just as soft, her teeth lightly scraping, and with their pressure any doubts lingering in Delphine's mind vanished. Cosima dropped her hands to reach behind her for her dress zipper, and she raised them to cup Cosima's jaw, angling her head down to deepen the kiss. Cosima hummed into her mouth, pausing to dig her fingertips into the back of Delphine's shoulder. The touch made her arch, rolling her hips forward into Cosima's.

Her hands returned, jerking the zipper until it moved, then slowly drawing it down. The backs of her knuckles brushed along Delphine's spine. She pulled back just enough to drop the straps off her shoulders, letting it pool against her hips. Delphine moved one hand to dislodge it, then stepped out of its folds, her fingers reaching for the clasp behind Cosima's neck that held hers closed. She walked them towards her bed as they worked, flicking open the snap and drawing the sleeves down Cosima's arm. Her knees hit the mattress. She turned and sat. The material of Cosima's dress brushed against her palms as Cosima hiked up her skirt and smoothly pulled it over her head. It knocked her glasses askew. She bumped them back into place with her knuckle only to have Delphine lift them off her face and set them to the side. Cosima's hands threaded into her hair, pulling her head against her stomach. She kissed the soft skin beneath her lips, exhaling a shaky breath.

Cosima was trembling. Delphine laid her hands against her hips, and with a gentle press of her lips against Cosima's stomach, she dipped her fingers under the top of her tights and tugged. Cosima helped her pull the clinging fabric off her legs, one hand braced against Delphine's shoulder to keep her balance. Once her feet were free, she gently pushed Delphine back, hands on her thighs to guide her back fully onto the mattress, and hovered over her. Delphine stared up at her, meeting her gaze unflinchingly. Cosima smiled, a small thing that didn't quite reach her eyes, but it grew when Delphine returned it, and then she drew Cosima down for a firm kiss, holding the back of her neck. Cosima let herself be held for a moment, then sat up and reached behind her, her spine curving as her arms bent and reached and her bra loosened. She dropped it off the side of the bed.

“Tu es belle,” Delphine whispered, pleased when Cosima flushed crimson. Her hands flattened against Delphine's stomach. Delphine watched her chest rise as she breathed in deeply.

“You, too,” she said. She kissed her again, hands working their way between Delphine's spine and the bed, fumbling until they'd gotten the clasp of her bra open and pulled away. Her lips moved, then, down Delphine's neck with gentle nips, leaving a path of faint red marks in their wake. Delphine was sure Cosima could hear how hard her heart was thudding against her ribs when she paused with her forehead resting in the valley between her breasts and her hands guiding Delphine's underwear off her hips.

She loosely tangled a hand in Cosima's hair, and when teeth gently nipped at the rise of her chest she gasped and arched up into the touch. She felt Cosima's smirk against her skin. Wherever Cosima touched her her skin tingled, and between her legs the ache that had started the second Cosima had looked at her on the sofa grew worse and worse. This is what it should have been like, she thought again, stroking her fingers through Cosima's hair. She heard herself moan, lips grazing a nipple. It should have been like this. Guilt clawed at her chest. She had used her, that first time, desperate and horny and hoping that if she kissed her enough, if she let herself be touched enough, that all of it would be flushed from her system and life could go back to normal.

That was all she had ever wanted, normalcy, but maybe this was what was normal now. It felt more natural than anything else in her life ever should. She had tried to hard to deny it, but no one made her feel how Cosima did. No one ever would, and fighting it was exhausting.

“Cosima,” she said when it finally grew too much for her to bear. Cosima lifted her head from Delphine's chest and licked her lips, eyes black. Delphine stared, hoping that the look was enough. Cosima dipped her hand down, gently parting Delphine's legs. She inhaled sharply when her fingers met the wetness gathered there, then swallowed hard and shifted her body up so she could hide her face in the crook of Delphine's neck. She clung to Cosima's shoulders, feeling her muscles shift with the stroking and pushing of her fingers.

Cosima's name was on her lips when she came, moaning softly and cursing under her breath, clenching around the clever fingers buried inside her. Cosima kissed her neck, then her jaw, then found her lips and muffled her groans with it. After Delphine relaxed, she gently pulled her hand away and licked her fingers clean without a shred of hesitation. They were wet against Delphine's ribs when she laid her hand down, propped up on her elbow with her fingers brushing away an errant curl.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly, stroking her thumb along the top of Delphine's brow. Delphine nodded and rocked her hips up until Cosima rolled away and onto her back. She draped herself over the brunette, and stroked her hands over the firm muscles of her stomach. Her fingers traced the outlines while her lips danced across Cosima's sternum. Delphine shifted her body, and nudged Cosima's thighs open so she could settle between them, kissing the places where her fingers had just been. “You don't have to-” Cosima started, but Delphine hushed her, and pulled the last piece of clothing between her and what she wanted down Cosima's legs.

Her chest fluttered nervously, but the wine still filling her blood made her bold. She kissed the jut of Cosima's hip, and hummed when a hand wound its way into her hair and tangled firmly in her curls. She experimented with scraping her teeth across the soft skin under her, and was rewarded with a gasp. Cosima was tense beneath her, her want practically radiating off of her in waves. The hand in her hair flexed and tugged lightly. Delphine laughed lightly at Cosima's impatience, her anxiety getting the better of her for a moment as she was faced with the prospects of what she wanted to do. She took a deep breath to settle herself, then licked her lips and leaned in.

The first taste elicited a groan from both of them. Cosima's hips jerked up abruptly, nearly dislodging Delphine, and she pulled sharply on her hair. Delphine glanced up. Cosima had thrown her other arm over her eyes, her teeth digging into her lip.

“Don't stop now,” she said, when Delphine took too long to continue. Delphine blushed, and ducked her head back down, even though Cosima couldn't see. She used the noises Cosima made, and followed along with her body language, alternating between broad strokes and short flicks. All she could smell, could taste, could feel was Cosima. The brunette ground up into her, moaning and gasping, and sighing. “Oh, Christ, Delphine,” she said, her voice strained. “There, shit.” She hissed in a breath, and then her body arched and stilled. Delphine pressed her hips back down against the mattress, and didn't move until Cosima pulled on her hair with a satisfied groan and twisted her hips to the side.

Delphine crawled back up her body and collapsed on top of her, panting lightly and licking her lips. Cosima's taste lingered. The room smelled like them, the air thick and warm from their exertions. Cosima stroked her hair, and pressed her cheek against Delphine's brow while Delphine drew a fingertip through the sweat that had gathered on Cosima's chest. She sighed.

“I'm tired,” she said. Cosima curled into her and hummed.

“Me, too,” she replied. “So sleep.” Delphine shook her head.

“I mean I'm _tired_ , Cosima,” she repeated, laying her hand flat against Cosima's sternum. “I'm tired of fighting. Fighting this. You.” Cosima was quiet for so long that Delphine thought she had fallen asleep, but then her chest heaved with a heavy sigh.

“Why don't we stop?” she asked softly.

“Stop what?” Delphine replied.

“Trying to fight it.” Delphine nuzzled closer until her nose was against Cosima's neck, and breathed in the scent of her skin, and the trace of soap under the sweat.

“Okay,” she breathed. Cosima hesitated a second before kissing her head.

“Science museum tomorrow?” she asked, as if they hadn't just mutually decided to turn both their lives completely upside down. Delphine nodded and closed her eyes.

 

It was a far cry visiting the museum with someone who's passion for science was just as strong as her own, and not someone who tagged along only because it was a slightly better way to kill time than standing on the street corner smoking. Cosima's hand was a warm, comforting weight in hers, leading her from place to place. It took her a moment, when they arrived in the room, to realize where exactly they were. Cosima noticed it too, her shoulders tightening with realization, but neither of them said a word. Slowly, they moved around the room, stopping now and then to play, or wait for a gaggle of children to run past them. On the other side, Cosima stopped them, and turned to face her. She glanced to the side, then took Delphine's hand in both of hers and pushed her thumbs into her knuckles.

“I think I knew,” she said softly, her head bowed. Delphine didn't need to ask what. “Here. The second I saw you.” She laughed lightly, and lifted her head with a smile. “I didn't know what it was, but there was something. I felt it.” She moved a hand and pointed across the floor. “You were there when I bumped into you, and I don't think you really noticed me until you left.”

“I saw you when you came in,” Delphine replied instantly. Shock passed over Cosima's face, then she grinned, all teeth and crinkled eyes. Delphine bit her lip, wanting to kiss her, but settled for firmly squeezing her hand instead.

It was almost like the last few months had never happened at all. Back in France, far away from everything that had pushed them apart and held them there in painful limbo, Delphine felt free. She wasn't afraid to reach for Cosima's hand in the street, or make her urges perfectly clear when they woke up in the morning, or when they had settled in for the night. Cosima teased her for the sudden resurgence of her sex drive, but Delphine could feel her joy when they lay curled together after, as if every minute that Delphine stayed in her arms gave her more and more reassurance that she wasn't going to run away again.

 

The line for The Louvre was just as long as Delphine had told Cosima it would be. The brunette had brushed off her warning with a scoff, but they'd been waiting for ages to get in, and Cosima was growing more and more frustrated by the second.

“You know it's going to be full to the roof with people, Cosima,” she said, shifting from foot to foot to ease the aching. “And the Mona Lisa is not as big as everything would have you believe.” Cosima stepped to the side, and looked down at the dozens of people still in front of them, then sighed.

“I know. Maybe we should have come earlier,” she said, resigned. Delphine smiled, and laced their fingers together.

“If you had gotten out of bed when you were supposed to this morning, we would have,” she said. Cosima blushed. “We still have a few days left. We can try again.”

“You weren't exactly eager to get up either,” she mumbled. Delphine rolled her eyes and tugged Cosima out of the line. Cosima glanced longingly at the building behind them as they walked away, then squeezed Delphine's fingers and pressed close to her side. “How are you going to make it up to me, then?”

“Coffee and pastry?” Delphine offered. She swung their hands lightly between them as they walked.

“Only if you're paying,” Cosima replied. “This had better be worth missing out on seeing some of the most famous works of art in the world.”

“They will still be here tomorrow,” Delphine said, tugging Cosima across the road when the way was clear. “And the day after that, and the day after that.”

“Okay, okay,” Cosima said, hushing her. Delphine could hear the smile in her voice. They found a shop on the corner, one Delphine had been to before, but only a handful of times, and a few minutes later emerged again with a bag of sweets and a drink each.

“So, what do you want to do?” Delphine asked. “We have a whole afternoon to waste before dinner.”

“We could always just go back to the hotel and finish what we started,” Cosima replied, in what she probably thought was a sultry tone, waggling an eyebrow, but the whole effect was ruined when she knocked her drink against her chin and it splashed down the front of her shirt. Cosima glanced down, momentarily shocked. “Shit.” Delphine held a hand over her mouth to muffle her giggles. Cosima pulled her shirt away from her body and shook it lightly, glaring at Delphine. “Stop laughing,” she said, but she couldn't keep her composure, and a few seconds later her laughs filled the air. _I love you_ , Delphine thought, and went quiet. Cosima's shocked expression mirrored her own. “What?” She could try to pass it off as something else, but what was the point? Cosima knew the phrase, even though her French was poor. It was common enough, and they had both heard it so much over the past year that it was impossible for the meaning to be lost on her.

“I love you,” Delphine repeated, holding Cosima's gaze. For an achingly long moment, Delphine was afraid that she had ruined everything, that Cosima didn't feel the same way about her any more. It was a foolish thought, of course, and was quashed the moment that Cosima pressed her against the wall of the shop and kissed her so hard her head spun. Her hands flailed at her sides, wanting to reach up and touch, but full of food and drink. Her lungs were screaming for air by the time Cosima finally pulled back, flustered and grinning.

“I love you, too,” she said, and kissed her again, slower this time, and softer, pulling away after a few seconds. “Let's go back to the hotel,” she whispered. “If nothing else, I need to change my shirt.”

“Okay,” Delphine agreed, stealing another peck. Cosima looped her arm around Delphine's elbow and was pulling her around the corner when a voice calling her name stopped Delphine in her tracks. Confusion on her face, Cosima stilled, and slowly dropped her arm away.

“Delphine, is that you?” She turned around slowly, knowing very well who it was calling her; Claire's mother, Alice. The woman wrapped Delphine in a hug before she could respond, and kissed her cheeks. Shocked, Delphine barely managed to return the gesture before Alice pulled back. “How have you been? Claire hardly speaks about you any more. Did you know that her and Claude are seeing each other now?” Delphine hummed before her manners kicked in.

“Yes,” she said. “I had heard.” Alice looked past her.

“This is... Cosima, yes?” Delphine felt her jaw clench. Cosima waved awkwardly and smiled.

“Hi,” she said, then glanced at Delphine.

“It was nice to see you, Alice,” Delphine said, “but Cosima spilled her drink, and she needs to go change.”

“Yes, of course. Tell your mother I say 'hello'.” Delphine smiled tightly and backed away. She didn't relax until they were several blocks again, and Cosima's hands tugged at her arm to stop her brisk pace down the road.

“Hey,” she said, insisting, and pulled Delphine under an awning. “What's wrong?”

“Do you think she saw?” Delphine asked, digging her teeth into her lip. Cosima frowned lightly, and brushed a curl behind her ear.

“No,” she replied. “I'm sure she didn't. We were already moving when she called you.” She smiled, broad and happy, and stroked her knuckles along Delphine's jaw. “It's okay.” Delphine nodded, sighing, and shifted the bag she was holding into her other hand so she had one free to ruffle through her hair.

“Let's get you a new shirt,” she said, and returned Cosima's smile. The brunette reached for her hand and squeezed it, and didn't let go the entire walk back.

 

“Are you sad to be leaving again?” Cosima asked when they were packing away the last few things, forcing themselves into bed early to minimize the risk of not getting up in time to catch their flight. Delphine flipped the top of her suitcase shut and pressed down on it to compress the clothes folded inside.

“No,” she said after a moment. “I'm afraid.” Cosima looked at her, then crossed the room to hug her close.

“We're okay,” she said, adding a gentle kiss to back up her words. “They don't know anything, so we don't have to worry about it. We'll deal with it when we have to. Okay?” Delphine bit her lip, and nodded, but she felt sick.


	22. The Right Thing

Cosima was relieved that Delphine managed to sleep through half the flight, and that she herself was awake when they came around with food. She let Delphine use her laptop, and spent the journey on her tablet reading, with one hand resting on the blonde's leg. She was happy, happier than she'd been in her entire life, but under the surface she could feel Delphine's fear and hesitation bleeding into her own thoughts. They had every reason to be paranoid. The smallest thing could tip their parents off to what was going on. Delphine had been acting oddly ever since they'd run into Alice. Cosima understood why, she would have been freaked out, too, if she'd been in Delphine's position, but she doubted that the woman had seen them kissing, and even if she had, it was unlikely that word was going to reach John and Marie.

It was inevitable that they would find out, or that her and Delphine would eventually have to tell them, and the thought made Cosima's chest tighten with fear, but it wasn't then, and it wouldn't be tomorrow, or the day after. There was more than enough time for them to figure out the best way to go about it. She wasn't going to give Delphine up for anything, not even her father. Not after everything they'd been through.

“Do you think Tes missed us?” she asked the blonde when they were waiting for their luggage to appear on the carousel.

“I'm sure he has been bothering John non-stop since we left,” Delphine replied with a small smile. “He's probably driven them both mad.”

“You're taking him out when we get back,” Cosima said, grunting as she lifted her suitcase off the belt and scrambled to grab Delphine's when it appeared.

“Why do I have to?” Delphine protested.

“Because,” Cosima said, starting to follow the exit signs, “I am absolutely dying for a home cooked meal, and it's almost dinner.”

“Brat,” Delphine replied, kicking at the back of her ankle when she stopped to let a trail of people into the building so they could fit out the door. She threw a grin over her shoulder at the blonde and hailed down a cab.

“Mademoiselle,” she said with an exaggerated bow when she opened the door to let Delphine in first. She giggled when Delphine rolled her eyes at her, and when the blonde was settled, dramatically slid into her side and kissed her cheek. Delphine blushed, and pushed her away.

 

“Uhg, I'm so hungry,” Cosima groaned, wrangling their luggage out of the trunk of the cab while Delphine lingered halfway out the door while she waited for the machine to process her card.

“Then stop complaining and go inside,” she said, voice muffled. She thanked the driver and ducked out of the car, shutting the door and reaching for her bag. Cosima was already halfway up the drive.

“Tesla's going to be so happy,” she said, reaching for the door handle, “but if he comes shooting at us I'm letting him tackle you.” Delphine snorted out a laugh.

“Yes, thank you. You know you won't be able to escape him. He can run faster than you.”

“He'll be preoccupied,” Cosima replied, opening the door. “We're home!” she called, and when she was met with silence, cocked a brow at Delphine. “Hellooooo?” She left her bag by the door, hearing Delphine shut it and do the same, following her through to the living room, thinking that the adults had gone out and been stuck in traffic trying to get home. They hadn't, and were sat on the sofa when Cosima entered the room, Delphine on her heels. She could have heard a pin drop. “Uh, hi?”

“We need to talk,” John said, fixing Cosima with a stare she knew meant that he was absolutely serious. “Is there anything you two want to tell us?” Cosima's heart skipped painfully. She swallowed over the lump that had formed in her throat.

“No,” she said, doing her best to not look at Delphine.

“Claire's mother saw you,” Marie said, her eyes on her daughter. Cosima felt Delphine's body stiffen next to hers. Her hesitation spoke volumes. _Say something_ , Cosima thought, forcing her own body to stay relaxed.

“Saw us what, Maman?” Neither of the adults said a word, just looked at them both. Cosima reached for Delphine's hand and frowned. The blonde didn't pull away. It was all the answer their parents needed.

“Go to your rooms,” John said firmly. “We need to talk.”

“Dad-” Cosima started.

“Cosima, just do what you're told.” Cosima's mouth snapped shut. Delphine pulled away from her, following the command without question. Her tug on Cosima's hand prompted her to follow, slowly turning her back on the adults. She lingered in the doorway, letting Delphine go ahead, waiting a few seconds before following. Sighing heavily, she left. Delphine had paused at the top of the stairs, her arms wrapped around her body and her teeth digging harshly into her lip. When Cosima reached her she spun around and crashed into her, burying her face against her neck. Cosima felt her skin dampen. She hugged her close, rubbing her back and smoothing her hair.

“It's okay, babe,” she whispered. “We'll be okay.” The muffled murmur of voices was interrupted by the dog door in the kitchen doing, and the clack of Tesla's nails on the kitchen floor. He came padding past, and when he noticed the two of them, barked happily and bowled halfway up the stairs before slowing and cocking his head to the side in confusion. He slowly joined them at the top, bumping his head against both their knees before curling around their feet with his head on his paws.

“What are we going to do, Cosima?” Delphine asked, her voice muffled against Cosima's neck. Cosima sighed, and tightened her embrace.

“We just have to tell them the truth,” she finally said. “They already know. There's no point in hiding it.”

“What if they split us up?” Delphine asked.

“We're both eighteen and we live in the same house,” Cosima pointed out. “Can they?”

“Yes,” Delphine said, pulling away from her. “It's their house, Cosima, not ours, and I don't want to lose my relationship with my mother. I love her.”

“And I love my Dad,” Cosima said, reaching up to push Delphine's hair out of her face, and wipe an errant tear off her cheek. “But I love you, too, and he's just going to have to put up with that.”

“But what if they don't?” Delphine whispered, sniffing. “It's more than just us both being girls, Cosima.” She was right. Cosima knew she was, but she had come too far, and suffered too much to let up now. She'd already condemned herself to her fate, and there was no going back.

“Then we'll leave,” she said quietly. Delphine stilled.

“What?” she replied.

“If we have to, we'll leave, but they love us. They'll come around eventually. They have to.”

John called them. Cosima grabbed Delphine's hand, and held it tightly. Tesla followed at their heels, sitting in front of them when they were stood in front of their parents again. John ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily.

“Look,” he started, raising his head and glancing between the two of them. “We're sorry, but this can't continue. There's legality issues somewhere. You're family now. You can't.” Cosima scowled and shook her head, pulling Delphine closer to her.

“I love her,” she said firmly, “and she loves me, and if you can't accept that, then we'll leave.” She was shaking, and felt sick, but she wouldn't back down. She wouldn't lose Delphine again.

“Cosima...” John said, sighing again.

“ _No_ , Dad,” Cosima said. “You either accept this or you don't.” He was silent. Cosima sucked in a shaky breath, and squared her shoulders. “Fine.” She pulled on Delphine's hand, half tugging the blonde back upstairs. Tesla followed. She locked the three of them in her room, and moved immediately to comfort her distraught lover.

“Cosima, where are we going to go?” she asked, tears filling her eyes again.

“I don't know,” Cosima said. “Anywhere. I'll empty my savings fund. I don't care where we go as long as I'm with you.” Delphine folded into her, resting her head in Cosima's lap. She stroked the blonde's hair, fighting back tears of her own. Tesla whined softly. _It's done now,_ Cosima thought. _Past the point of no return. Fuck._

“I have an idea,” Delphine said in a thick voice after several minutes had passed, and sat up as she fished her phone out of her pocket. Her hands were shaking as she dialled a number she clearly never wanted to have to call.

“Papa?” Cosima blinked in shock. “Oui, c’est Delphine, ce serait qui d’autre sinon? T’aurais une autre fille quelque part par hasard? Non, j’ai besoin d’un endroit pour rester.” She paused, frowning as she listened. “Je veux ton chalet à la plage. Tu me dois bien ça.” Another pause, and Delphine's face darkened. “Toute ma vie tu n’as rien foutu pour moi! Tu l’utilises même pas ton chalet, alors c’est quoi ton problème? Non, je ne veux pas de ton fric, je veux juste le chalet. Bien.” She hung up without saying goodbye, her brow still creased. “Now what?” Cosima shrugged, and sighed. She wished they'd had time to figure things out. She wished they had been able to confront it with a plan already in place, instead of scrambling to make one out of bits of thread and a stub of lead.

“We need money,” she said.

“Yes, but where are we going to go until we have it?” Delphine asked. “We can't stay here.”

“I think I know someone who can help,” Cosima said, and reached for her phone.

 

Jen was happy to let them use the spare room, and despite the concerned look on her face when Cosima and Delphine dragged the last of their things into the house, didn't ask any awkward questions. Mostly.

“Is that her, then?” she asked Cosima while she was in the kitchen getting a drink for Delphine, who had curled up under the blankets on the bed when they'd settled and hadn't moved since.

“Is that her what?” Cosima replied.

“The reason for all the clubbing and the parties and the obvious running away you were doing before you went on vacation,” Jen said bluntly. Cosima felt her face grow warm.

“Yeah,” she admitted, and dropped an ice cube into the glass. “Yeah, that's her.” Jen nodded slowly, almost sage-like. “Thanks for letting us stay. Tesla, too. We'll be out of your hair as soon as we can.” Jen waved her off.

“It's no skin off my back. Stay here as long as you need, okay?” Cosima nodded, and smiled.

“I just have to get a hold of my savings,” she said. “Delphine already found us a place to stay. We just need the funds to get there.”

“I wish I could help you there,” Jen replied, and lightly shoved her shoulder. “Now go see to your girl.” Cosima smiled, and thanked her, and removed herself from the kitchen back into their temporary room. Neither Delphine nor Tesla had moved an inch, the former still nothing more than a mop of blonde hair under the blankets and the latter curled up by her feet at the bottom of the bed.

“Delphine,” Cosima said softly, shutting the door behind her. “I got you some water.” She pulled back the covers and climbed into bed. Once she was settled, Delphine rolled over and wrapped her arms around her waist, hiding half her face against Cosima's stomach. She sighed softly and set the water on the night stand, then carefully reached down for her laptop, resting by Tesla's head. “I'll have my money soon,” she said, stroking Delphine's curls. “Then we can leave.”

“Did we do the right thing?” Delphine asked, angling her head so she could see the computer screen.

“Of course we did,” Cosima replied. Delphine reached up for her hand, and held it tightly between her own as Cosima opened Netflix to find something to distract their tired minds.


	23. Not For the World

Delphine pulled strings. Cosima didn't know what she had done to make her father jump through hoops to get Cosima into the country, but she knew better than to ask, especially when it simplified all the things she hadn't thought of when she made her spur of the moment decision to leave. Still, it took longer than she would have wanted for them to finally sort everything they needed to get them out, with constant apologies to Jen for taking up her space and eating her food, and for Tesla shedding all over her sofa. Her friend took it in good humour, and tried her best to help where she could, coming home with packets of information and forms for Cosima and Delphine to review and fill out, and more than once leaving take out by the door for them.

Only a few days passed before their parents started leaving messages, and then a few more before they started calling. Cosima resolutely ignored all the ones she received, and after one tearful shouting match with Marie, Delphine began to do the same. She was relieved when finally, _finally_ , although she knew it could have taken much, much longer, she had her visa, and they had their plane tickets. The best part about all of it was the lack of quarantine. Knowing they wouldn't have to wait to have Tesla with them made leaving that much easier. Cosima disconnected both their phones before they left, paying for the remaining time in advance, and copying everything important on them into special folders on her laptop before erasing them and giving them to Jen to recycle.

The last thing Delphine was able to do on the flight over was sleep. Cosima knew she tried, but just as she was about to drop off she'd jolt awake again before sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose. Cosima's sleep was just as fitful, her concern for Delphine keeping her from fully drifting off. _We did the right thing,_ she reassured herself, squeezing Delphine's fingers gently. The blonde smiled tiredly, and nestled her head against Cosima's shoulder.

She suspected that Delphine's father came from money, but the house certainly confirmed it. It was almost as nice as the one her and her father had stayed in during their trip, fully furnished with a stocked wine cellar and a freshly filled kitchen. Cosima left her bags by the door and explored it, opening the cabinets and the fridge, then calling out for Delphine.

“He must have had someone do this for him,” Delphine replied when she joined her. “Surprising.”

“You thought he'd just let us starve?”

“No,” Delphine said with a shrug, dropping her hand to stroke Tesla's head as he trotted past. “There would have been food, but not fresh. I expected us to have to go shopping.”

“You should be happy that we don't.” Delphine shrugged again and followed their dog into the other room. Cosima stared after her, and sighed, shutting the cabinet she was hanging onto.

It hit her like a truck, one day while Delphine was out walking Tesla before they settled for the night, and she noticed the dark circles that had formed under her eyes. One moment she was fine, then the next she was curled up on the floor against the door with her chest so tight she could hardly breathe and sobs that she tried to muffle into her hand shaking her frame. She missed her father. She missed her house. She missed seeing Delphine smile instead of seeing her eyes red and raw from crying every night when she thought Cosima was sleeping. _Oh god,_ she thought. _What have I done? What are we doing? What if she hates me for making her leave? What if this doesn't work out and everything is ruined, oh god it's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault._

She didn't settle down until there were no more tears left, and when she left for the bedroom, Delphine was already there. She took one look at Cosima and her face creased in concern. Her arms opened. Cosima gratefully climbed into them.

“I'm sorry,” she said softly.

“No,” Delphine hushed her, stroking her hair gently. “You have been so strong for me, Cosima. It is my turn, now.”

Delphine started looking for apartments in Paris almost immediately. Cosima watched her scroll through site after site after site, bookmarking a place to consider later every now and then. She wondered why she wasted time browsing when they had a perfectly nice house given to them for an indefinite period of time for nothing whatsoever, but she wasn't blind to the tension in Delphine's shoulders. She knew to not question her decision. Delphine's father had found her a job doing part time at an office in the city, with the hope for an increase in hours and pay if she did well enough. It would cut down on the commute, if nothing else.

A beautiful summer day rolled around in the middle of August, too nice for Cosima to bear to spend it inside. She fished her bathing suit out from the depths of a suitcase that she had yet to fully unpack, and found Delphine's for her as well. Tesla danced happily around her feet as she changed, and followed her into the living room where Delphine was tucked up on the sofa, looking at housing sites again.

“Hey,” she said. Delphine glanced up briefly, then did a double take, eyes wide. Cosima smiled. “It's really nice outside,” she continued, and held up Delphine's swimsuit. “Come out with me and Tes.”

“Cosima, I have to keep looking.” Cosima rolled her eyes, and crossed the room to lift Delphine's computer from her lap and set it aside, holding the blonde's hands and pulling her to her feet.

“Please,” she said, and pressed the bathing suit against her chest.

“Okay,” Delphine said, a small smile catching her lips. “All right. Let me go change.” Cosima leaned in and kissed her softly.

Tesla nearly tripped her as he weaved excitedly around her legs, and darted down towards the ocean the second Cosima opened the door. With a soft laugh, she followed in his wake, and closed her eyes briefly against the warmth of the sun on her bare skin. Tesla's happy bark caught her attention. He had bounded partway into the surf, snapping at the waves and running back when they washed to shore to meet him. Cosima laughed and joined him, letting the water lap at her ankles and calves. She didn't know Delphine had joined her until the blonde's arms wrapped around her waist, and her chin nestled in the crook of Cosima's shoulder. Tesla jumped head first into a wave, still snapping at the water. When the tide carried him back in he joined them and shook excess water from his fur, spraying them both.

“Tesla!” Cosima shouted, pulling her glasses off her face and squinting at the water speckled lenses with a frown. Delphine giggled in her ear, plucked her glasses from her hands, and shoved her forward. Cosima stumbled, but managed to keep her balance before she tumbled head first into the sea. “Hey!” Cosima splashed at her. Delphine turned her face away. Tesla barked happily, dancing around their legs and kicking up water as he did. His tail thumped against Cosima's knee. Delphine splashed back, her laughter ringing in Cosima's ears. It seemed like it had been ages since she'd heard it.

“Get her, Tesla!” Delphine urged when he barked at them. “Get her!” Tesla barked again and bowled into Cosima's legs, knocking her into the surf. She sputtered, the world going muffled for a moment as her head went under. When she resurfaced, Delphine was still laughing, and Tesla was leaping happily through the water, biting at the foam. Cosima stood before another wave could engulf her and pushed her hair out of her face.

“I hate you,” she said. Delphine grinned.

“I brought out towels,” she replied, and gestured back to the beach. She held out her hand. “Come, lay with me.” Cosima returned her smile and threaded their fingers together, letting Delphine lead her out of the ocean and up to where she'd laid the towels out. At Cosima's call, Tesla joined them, rolling around in the sand near their feet.

“Oh, Tes,” Cosima said in mild disdain. “Don't do that.” He squirmed on his back and panted at her happily, tail wagging.

“Let him be, Cosima,” Delphine said, stretching out on her back with a satisfied sigh.

“He's being cleaned off before we let him back in the house. I do _not_ want sand in the bed.” Delphine hummed, her eyes closed. Cosima peered at her, half blinded by the sun and the absence of her glasses, folded neatly next to Delphine's head. She left them there when she stood later to cool off in the ocean, and promptly tripped into one of the many holes Tesla had been spending his time digging. She cursed and Tesla rushed over to sniff and lick her face while Delphine had half a question on her lips before she saw Cosima sprawled on the sand and dissolved into giggles.

They went back inside when the growling in Cosima's stomach was too much for her to ignore. Delphine smiled at her and told her to go get lunch before half dragging Tesla's salt water and sand covered body into the bathroom to wash him. The guilt hit her when she noticed how sore her face was from smiling, and it stopped her in her tracks. She could hear Delphine's voice drifting through from the bathroom, muffled by walls and doors, but sounding content, and Tesla's claws clacking on the floor and against the tub. She put down the bread she was holding, and took a deep breath. The feeling clawed at her chest and stomach. Cosima frowned, staring into space. Delphine's expression matched hers when she joined her, Tesla at her heels.

“Do you-” she started, and Cosima nodded.

“We have no reason to be,” she said after a moment, and turned away to reach for the bread again. “This is our life now. We're allowed to be happy.” Delphine's fingers lingered at the small of her back.

 

The apartment Delphine found was small and cramped and a major, major step down from the luxury of the beach house, but it was the nicest one they could afford with their combined savings on Cosima's meagre income. Delphine was infinitely more relaxed in the tiny rooms than she had ever been at the shore. Technically, pets weren't allowed, but the landlady didn't seem to really care if there were or not, and Tesla wasn't the only dog Cosima saw during brief glimpses into other people's homes on her way down to the street.

Delphine got a scholarship. The look on her face was just as surprised as Cosima's was when she found out. Cosima grabbed her face and kissed her, then grinned and pulled her close.

“You deserve it,” she said. “More than anyone I know, you deserve it.”

“I wonder,” Delphine replied, not sounding as happy as she should have been, “if he's doing this out of some sense of guilt.”

“Does it matter?” Cosima asked. “You can go to school now.”

“What about you?” Delphine asked, frowning lightly. Cosima shrugged.

“I'll look at next semester,” she said. It seemed to placate the blonde enough that she smiled. “You better get started; you have some catching up to do.”

 

A slew of angry French startled Cosima awake from where she was dozing on the sofa. She jerked up, groggy and startled, and groped for her glasses.

“Delphine?” she slurred, blinking rapidly. “'r'you okay?” Across the room, sat on the floor and surrounded by paper and textbooks, Delphine sighed heavily and slammed the top of her laptop down. She leaned against the wall behind her, and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Babe?”

“I am fine, Cosima,” she said in a tired voice, “but my laptop just froze again, and I have lost all of the work I did on my essay today.”

“Oh, shit,” Cosima muttered. “Del, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to help you?”

“No,” Delphine replied, waving her off. “No. You have your own work to do. I'll just... I'll redo it in the morning.”

“Are you sure?” Delphine nodded. Cosima crossed the room to her, and bent to kiss the top of her head. “I'll cook tonight.” Delphine gripped her fingers lightly before she pulled them away, and pressed her lips against the base of her palm with a muttered thanks.

 

Winter was terrible, and the first Christmas was the worst. Tesla caught on to their horrible moods as the holiday approached, and alternated between being extra hyper and playful to try and cheer them up and silently sitting or lying near when both of them were home, which was far less often than Cosima would have liked. The apartment was always too cold, and the wind rattled the shutters on the windows, and whenever Delphine went out for a smoke on their minuscule balcony, Cosima had to bundle herself up in the blankets they kept accumulating to stay warm. She hated when Delphine went out. It wasn't her smoking, Cosima couldn't care less about that, but the blonde looked ready to tumble over the balustrade at any second.

Shielded against the cold, Cosima clicked out of the browser window she was in as Delphine flicked a cigarette butt off the balcony and rejoined her inside with a violent shudder. She tugged at the blanket until Cosima relinquished enough for her to huddle under, then cuddled into her side. Cosima kissed the top of her head.

“What are you doing?” Delphine asked.

“Nothing,” Cosima lied smoothly. “I was looking into loans and stuff again, for the spring.”

“Do you want me to find a job so you have more time for school?” Delphine asked.

“No, no, no,” Cosima replied, shaking her head. “No. You just focus on your degree, okay? I'll worry about me.” Delphine hesitated, then sighed.

“Okay. I'll make dinner. Is a frozen meal okay?”

“Do we have a choice?” Cosima muttered. Delphine sighed again and pulled away from her. “I'm sorry,” Cosima said, squeezing her eyes shut. “I'm sorry. Yeah, that's fine. Do you want help?”

“No,” Delphine said, her voice calm, but her shoulders stiff. Cosima sighed and sunk against the sofa, digging her fingers into her brow. Tesla crawled over the few inches that separated them on his belly and laid his head on her foot.

“It's okay, boy,” she said, pulling up her browser again. She winced when a pot slammed in the kitchen. “I was an asshole. She'll forgive me.” She tapped at the keyboard, and added the item on her screen to her cart. “She'll hate me for this, though. For a while. It'll be worth it.”

They got a small tree, one that they could fit on the coffee table when they cleared off all of Delphine's school work and Cosima's take home work. It was too small to fit the tree topper Cosima had swiped before they left, so they set it to the side by window, and framed it with some cheap lights they'd found. It wasn't much, but it was enough, and Cosima's never ending playlist of Christmas music made it feel authentic. She picked Delphine's gift up directly from the post office to avoid her getting her hands on it first, and set up everything before carefully repackaging it and wrapping it in salvaged grocery bags with a bow on top. It was the only thing she could afford, and cost the better part of her savings, but Delphine needed it for school. It was more than justifiable.

Cosima kissed her awake on Christmas morning, pressing her lips against Delphine's brow and cheeks and jaw before finally finding her mouth just as a lazy smile was curling it. She touched Cosima's cheek, and hummed in content.

“Merry Christmas,” Cosima whispered, pulling back enough to see the blonde's face. Delphine's eyes flicked open. Cosima could see the flecks of gold and green that mixed in with the brown.

“Joyeux Noël, Cosima,” she said in a voice husky from sleep. Cosima grinned, excitement creeping into her bones.

“Come on, presents.” Delphine rolled away from her with a laugh and a smiled, throwing an arm over her eyes.

“You are like a child,” she said. Cosima thrust back the blankets, exposing them both to the cold air. Delphine shuddered. “Brat!”

“Presents,” Cosima repeated, already out of bed and searching for the hoodie that Delphine had hurriedly discarded the night before, before she'd thrown Cosima on the bed.

“Okay,” Delphine conceded. “Okay, okay. I'll make coffee.” At the foot of the bed, Tesla stirred, and followed Cosima out to the living room where she impatiently waited until Delphine shuffled in in her robe with coffee for them both. She tugged a blanket off the couch and settled next to Cosima, wrapping it around them.

“Presents?” Cosima asked, accepting her mug.

“Why are you so excited?” Cosima bit her lip, heart pounding, and reached forward for the box.

“Here,” she said, setting it in Delphine's lap with some effort. Delphine frowned down at it.

“Cosima...” she said warningly, and slowly put her coffee down.

“Don't hate me.” Delphine glanced at her, her brows furrowed, then looked down at her lap, and began to pull at the wrappings. Cosima took the bow from her, twirling it nervously in her hands. Delphine's initial reaction was shock. Cosima waited for the smile she was sure would follow, but Delphine's face crumpled and she burst into tears. Tesla immediately scrambled to his feet and circled around to her, nuzzling and licking her face. “Baby, don't cry,” Cosima said, reaching out. Delphine shook her head, letting Cosima embrace her.

“Cosima, you shouldn't have done this.”

“Why?” Cosima asked. “You needed a new one. You weren't getting any work done because of it, and that laptop is going to die sooner rather than later.”

“Cosima, we don't have the money.”

“Don't worry about that. I did a payment plan thing. Look, it's fine, okay? I just want to make sure you have everything you need.” Delphine grabbed her face and kissed her firmly until Cosima couldn't breathe, then pulled away with a laugh.

“I love you, Cosima Niehaus,” she breathed, and grabbed for the other gift under the tree. “Here. It isn't as nice, but I thought we could share it.” Cosima held her gaze for a moment, then pulled the paper apart. There was a sweater inside, one Cosima had been looking at for weeks, blue and striped and comfortable when Cosima had tried it on, but out of her budget. “It was on sale, but there's something else as well.” She gestured. “Unfold it.” Cosima complied with curiosity etched into her face, and lifted a bag of weed.

“Del...” she said, and smiled.

“I know your supply is running out, and I know you need it to keep all of those thoughts whirling around in your head from overwhelming you, so I got a hold of Claude's old dealer.”

“And the sweater, too,” Cosima added. “You didn't have to.”

“It was on clearance.” Cosima hugged her, and lightly pecked her lips.

“Thank you,” she whispered, then lightly shook the bag in her fingers with a grin. “Let's get totally baked and mess around with that new Macbook of yours.”

Their dog had the patience of a saint, a quality well suited to Cosima's tendencies when she was baked. He sat still as she stuck a cheap, felt Santa hat on his head, and wrapped a string of Christmas lights around him in attempts to make Delphine laugh. They worked, of course, and had her practically rolling on the floor clutching at her stomach. Cosima leapt on her, smothering her face with kisses. Tesla joined in the fray, barking happily and hopping around. Eventually, Cosima pinned her, and with a grin on her lips, languidly kissed her until Tesla jumped on her back and dislodged her.

“I miss them,” Delphine said when their laughter died down.

“Me, too,” Cosima replied, “but I wouldn't change it. I'd do anything for you.” Delphine smiled and guided her back for a kiss.

“I wouldn't either,” she said. “Not for the world.”


	24. Worth It

Cosima started school, and saw Delphine less and less between both of their classes and her own work, but she refused to let Delphine take time off. Their financial aid came though, and for a while, things were easier, but then Tesla got sick and the vet bill ate at their savings. Cosima hardly slept, between a full course load and all the work for it, the emails from her job, and the second one that she picked up when money was tight after a particularly cold end to the winter. Delphine could see the lines of tiredness forming around her eyes, but she always had a smile for Delphine whenever she walked in the room. There were days when they both fell asleep on top of the covers, too tired to even undress, and days where all they had for dinner was cheap box meals that they had to split between the two of them because Cosima's check didn't come through for another few days.

It was odd, when Cosima finally decided she wanted dreadlocks, but she didn't look any less beautiful for them, and if it made her happy, Delphine didn't care. Besides, it was just as fun to pull on them during sex as it had been before, and if anything Cosima seemed to enjoy it even more. Delphine would twirl them around her fingers, or tug on one when Cosima was being particularly annoying. She decided that she loved the change.

She was surprised it took them as long to properly explode at each other as it did. They were late on the rent, and even across the room Delphine could feel the tension and irritation rolling off of Cosima and crashing into her like waves. She jumped when Cosima violently threw down the pen she was holding and pushed her fingers into her brow with a frustrated sigh.

“We don't have anything we can cut, Delphine,” she said tightly, “and I can't get any more hours. We're going to be late.”

“It's fine,” Delphine said. “As long as we pay it, it's fine. A week won't hurt. We can pay part now and the rest when you get paid again.”

“We can only be late on the rent so many times before we're in the shit, Delphine,” Cosima said sharply. She pushed her glasses on top of her head. “If you'd let us stay at the beach house this wouldn't be a problem.” Delphine scowled, Cosima's annoyance bleeding into her mind.

“You know why I didn't want to.”

“Yeah, and I'm saying that if you'd just grow the fuck up we could have a nice, rent-free place to stay.”

“You know why,” Delphine repeated through clenched teeth.

“He's the reason I'm still here, Delphine,” Cosima said. Her eyes were sharp. “He's the reason we're here in the first place. You can't just pretend otherwise.”

“He has done nothing for me for my entire life, Cosima! How can you expect me to accept anything more than what we absolutely need from him!? We are getting along just fine.”

“We can't pay the fucking _rent,_ Delphine!” Cosima shouted. “Jesus, you can be so fucking irritating sometimes!” She pushed abruptly to her feet and stalked into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her.

And hour later she slunk back out, her posture screaming the apology she didn't say, and curled up on the sofa next to Delphine. She pulled one of her hands away from her laptop and held it firmly. Her head turned, pressing kisses to the side of Delphine's neck and along her jaw before finding her mouth. Her hands tugged at Delphine's clothes. It meant more than any words ever could.

 

Delphine picked up an evening class to speed up her masters. Cosima started to try and stay awake to greet her when she got back, even though it wasn't until ten at the earliest. One night she came home to find both her and Tesla passed out on the bed. Delphine smiled tiredly and sighed, unwrapping her scarf from around her neck. She moved the book next to Cosima's head onto the table, and gently shook her shoulder until she grumbled and blinked her eyes open.

“Hey,” she breathed when her gaze focused. “I'm sorry, I fell asleep didn't I.”

“It's okay, my love,” Delphine said, sitting on the edge of the bed. Cosima nudged her glasses up with a knuckle and rubbed at her eyes.

“How was class?”

“Good. I passed my exam.” Cosima smiled sleepily.

“That's great, babe.” Delphine leaned down and pressed a kiss to her brow.

“I'll come to bed in a few minutes,” she said. “Tesla, down.” Tesla yawned and removed himself from his place lying on Cosima's legs and curled up on his rug at the foot of the bed. In the time it took for Delphine to get ready for the night, both girl and dog had already fallen back asleep. Delphine smiled and lifted Cosima's glasses off her face before shutting off the lamp and crawling into bed, wrapping the brunette up in her arms.

Cosima had a weekend off, but Delphine's essays and approaching exam meant that time that would normally have been devoted to actually spending time together had her huddled in the corner surrounded by books and bent over her computer. Cosima took it in stride, but Delphine could feel the annoyance lurking under her skin. It wasn't at Delphine; it hardly ever was.

“I'll take Tesla out,” she said. Delphine glanced up from her computer and frowned, then looked behind her out the window.

“Cosima, it's pouring.”

“A little water isn't going to kill us,” Cosima replied with a shrug, already clipping on Tesla's leash. Her tone booked no room for arguing. Delphine sighed and went back to her work. The door shut hard enough to rattle the windows. Delphine leaned back against the wall and rubbed at the corners of her eyes with her thumb and forefinger.

It was a good half hour before Delphine heard the door open again, and looked up to see Cosima and Tesla absolutely drenched. She could hear the brunette's teeth clattering from across the room, even over Tesla's happy pants, but she had a wider grin on her face than Delphine had seen in months. With a violent shudder, Cosima shut the door behind her.

“Cosima!” Delphine scolded lightly, scrambling to her feet and hurrying her and the dog into the bathroom.

“H-he was ha-having a lot of f-f-fun jumping in p-puddles,” Cosima stuttered. Delphine shut the door to keep Tesla from getting out and pushed the brunette's coat off her shoulders, then began to peel at the layers beneath. “S-s-omeone's desperate,” Cosima joked. Delphine rolled her eyes, dumping Cosima's wet clothes in a pile to deal with later, and wrapped their biggest towel around her.

“No!” Delphine said just as Tesla went to shake. He cocked his head at her, tail drooping. “Don't look at me like that.” She sat Cosima on the toilet seat and snatched another towel to ruffle Tesla's fur dry.

“W-worth it,” Cosima said, curling up.

 

Cosima started taking Tesla for a jog every morning, and after a few days started to bring Delphine a coffee. She almost always managed to catch her just as they were getting home and she was leaving for class, handing her her drink with a kiss on her cheek or the corner of her lips.

“You're amazing,” Delphine said. “I love you.” She ruffled Tesla's ears, and kissed the top of his head. “And you.”

“Have fun at school,” Cosima said, wiping sweat off her brow. “Work hard. Make good choices.”

“I will, I love you, bye.”

“Bye,” Cosima waved, and they parted.

One day, it escalated into something more. Cosima's lips glanced off of hers, and before Delphine could process what was happening, the kiss had deepened and the wood of the door frame was pressing harshly into the middle of Delphine's back.

“You're going to be late,” Cosima muttered, voice husky.

“I don't care,” Delphine replied, and groaned as Cosima's hand slid into her hair and tugged. She dragged her inside, leaving Tesla in the living room and pulling a giggling Cosima into their bedroom. She ended up missing her lecture, but she would have done it a thousand times over for the feeling of Cosima's hot skin against hers in the quiet that followed.

 

“Have you ever thought about having kids?” Cosima asked some time later, her head nestled against Delphine's chest. The blonde stroked the wisps of hair at the nape of Cosima's neck.

“I have been meaning to ask you the same,” she replied. Cosima rolled away, and propped herself up on one elbow to look down at her.

“I know we can't afford it now,” she said, finding one of Delphine's hands and lacing their fingers together with a gentle kiss pressed to her knuckle. “One day, though... when things are easier. When we have the means. Would you want to? With me?” Delphine pulled her down for a heated kiss that started a new ache between Cosima's legs.

“Of course I would,” the blonde whispered against her lips, with a firm tug to her hair.

 

Cosima's position at her second job was cut, and suddenly their income had drastically lessened. She was a mess when she got home, apologizing over and over again, burying herself in Delphine's arms.

“No, no,” Delphine cooed, kissing the side of her head. “It's not your fault, chérie. You'll find something else.”

“That was our main source of money, Delphine!” Cosima said. She pulled away, stalking across the room to the window and wrapping her arms around her chest.

“It doesn't matter, we'll find you something.”

“I don't want you to have to go back to your father to do that!” She sighed and pushed her glasses out of the way to rub at her eyes.

“What are we going to do, then, Cosima?” Delphine asked, shrugging her arms. “We can only minimize our expenses so much.” Cosima was silent for a long while.

“I won't do my doctorate,” she finally said, her voice so quiet Delphine almost didn't hear her.

“What?” she asked.

“I can wait,” Cosima replied, turning to face her.

“Then I won't do mine, either,” Delphine said. Cosima frowned. “I'll find a job, and I will help you until we have saved enough.”

“No. No, Delphine, you're doing your degree.”

“Cosima, we can't afford it.”

“Then I'll take out another loan! You're doing your doctorate, Delphine.”

“We can't _afford it_!” Delphine repeated.

“I did not waste seven years of my life for you to not do this!” Cosima shouted, gesturing angrily.

“ _What_? Is that what you think? That you _wasted_ your time for me?” Cosima sighed and squeezed her eyes shut.

“No, no, that's not what I meant! Don't twist my words.”

“That's what it sounded like!” Cosima threw up her hands and balled them into fists, looking for a moment like she was going to break the window, before stomping past Delphine towards the door. “Where are you going?”

“Out.” Cosima slammed the door behind her. Delphine fumed, her body brimming with tension, and managed to throw a slew of curses at the door before a sob racked her body.

Cosima went to a bar a few blocks away, fighting tears the entire way there. Delphine was being foolish. How could she possibly think that Cosima was just going to roll over and let her sacrifice her dream just because the company decided they didn't need her position any longer? How could she not see that everything Cosima was doing was for her? She didn't care about her own degree. She would wait, she _could_ wait. She'd do anything if it meant Delphine would be happy.

It was early morning when she staggered back in the door, stinking of wine and cigarettes and swaying on her feet. The flat was dark. Cosima fumbled for the light switch before remembering that it wasn't connected to the outlet where the lamp was plugged in, and stumbling over towards the other side of the room. She ran into the coffee table with a loud swear, muttering under her breath as she turned on the lights. The bedroom door was shut. Cosima sighed and stared at it. _Sofa for me, then,_ she thought, and sat heavily with a loud yawn. She wrapped herself up in the quilt draped over the back and curled up on her side, tossing her glasses onto the table. Her chest stabbed with guilt, but the alcohol did its job, and sent her to sleep after a few minutes.

She woke up much, much too early, her body still stuck in its work routine despite the copious amounts of alcohol she'd consumed. Cosima groaned and slowly sat up, forcing her eyes to open against the jack hammer pounding relentlessly at her skull. She pushed carefully to her feet, pausing when her head swam, and shuffled into the kitchen to wash the dead animal taste out of her mouth. The bedroom door opened softly. Cosima raised her mouth from the tap and looked over her shoulder. Delphine looked like she hadn't gotten much more sleep than she had, the bags under her eyes more prominent than usual, and her skin pale. Tesla circled around her legs, padding into the room for his food and water. Delphine left for the sofa.

“C'mere, Tes,” Cosima said, crouching down. Tesla looked at her, then turned and followed Delphine. Cosima sighed, and got herself a glass and medicine. Confident that she'd feel more human in half an hour, she cautiously approached where Delphine was sat on the sofa with her computer on her lap, and gingerly sat next to her. “Delphine.” The blonde hummed, and looked at her when she didn't reply.

“What?”

“I'm sorry,” Cosima said, reaching out for one of Delphine's hands. She sighed and closed her eyes, tilting her head back against the sofa. “Please, just... do this for me, okay? I don't care if I have to wait to do mine, but I won't let you.”

“Cosima...”

“Delphine, please.” Delphine opened her eyes and found Cosima's gaze, frowning lightly. “Please. I don't care if I have to work three jobs to afford it.” Delphine's shoulders slumped.

“Okay,” she sighed. “Okay.” Cosima tugged lightly. Delphine pushed her computer to the side and fell into her, her head cushioned against Cosima's breasts.

“I'm sorry,” Cosima said again, stroking her fingers through the curls she loved so much.

“I know.” Cosima's stomach rolled when Delphine's shifted against her to get comfortable.

“Oh, god, don't do that,” she groaned. “I think I'm going to puke.”

“Not on me you aren't,” Delphine replied, sitting up. “It's your own fault for drinking so much. Go take a shower, you reek of wine.” Cosima groaned again. “Go,” Delphine ordered. “This is your punishment.” Cosima sighed and reluctantly got to her feet.

“Will you make me coffee and breakfast?” she asked, doing her best puppy dog face. Delphine laughed lightly and smiled at her.

“Yes. Now go.”


	25. DYAD

“Cosima?” Delphine called from the other room. Cosima poked her head out of the kitchen, sleeves rolled up, and a spoon coated in food in her hand.

“Hm?” she hummed. Delphine held up the flyer she had been examining, pulled out from where she had tucked it into her textbook. “What's that?”

“There is a lecture tonight. I would like you to go with me,” Delphine replied, holding the paper out. Cosima ducked around the corner again, then joined her, spoon free. She took the flyer from Delphine and examined it with a small furrow in her brow.

“Neolution?” Cosima asked, handing the paper back. “Sounds dubious.”

“No, it's quite interesting,” Delphine said. “I have heard of Dr. Leekie before, but I have never seen him speak. I could really use the extra credit for attending, but I don't want to go on my own. Please?” Cosima shrugged and stood.

“Yeah, sure. Why not? When is it?”

“Eight.”

“Do we have time for dinner? I haven't burned it this time.” Delphine chuckled.

“Yes. I'll watch it while you change.” Cosima kissed her brow, and vanished into the bedroom.

Leekie was a charismatic speaker, but it was really not Cosima's cup of tea, and if she was honest with herself, Delphine's level of enthusiasm made her a little bit jealous. She was looking at Leekie like he was a god for all the things he was saying and speculating. Cosima held her hand beneath the table and squeezed it tightly. Delphine gave her a puzzled look, but didn't question it.

In the gathering after, Cosima sipped at wine and watched as Delphine gradually made her way to Leekie's side and introduced herself. Frowning lightly, she hovered a few yards away, until someone tapped her on her shoulder. She only half paid attention to the conversation, until a choice phrase caught it.

“Why aren't you doing your doctorate as well? Surely you want to pursue?” Cosima paled, and glanced at Delphine.

“Uh-I-uh-we don't have enough money for both of us to study,” she said. “We sort of spent it all on our masters.”

“Your parents didn't help?” the girl asked, tilting her head. Cosima bit back a sigh and began to inch away. The looks Leekie was giving Delphine were making her uncomfortable, and she wanted to be by her side.

“It's-uh, complicated. Excuse me.” She closed the distance between her and her lover, easily slipping her hand into Delphine's.

“Cosima!” the blonde exclaimed happily, grinning. “Dr. Leekie, this is Cosima, my partner.” Leekie held out his hand. Hesitantly, Cosima took it, tilting her head back to meet his gaze.

“It's lovely to meet you, Cosima,” he said. “Delphine was just telling me about you.”

“All good things, I hope,” Cosima replied. She sipped at her wine, and cast a sideways glance at Delphine. A soft ringing filled the air. Leekie looked over the both of them, then touched his pocket and reached into it for his phone.

“I'm terribly sorry, ladies, but I'm afraid I have to take this. Miss Cormier, it was very lovely to meet you, and you as well, Cosima.” He nodded, then raised his phone to his ear and turned away.

“Oh, Cosima, he's such a brilliant man,” Delphine gushed. Cosima hummed, and raised her wine glass to her lips again. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Cosima replied, “I'm just tired. Do you want to stay longer?” Delphine squeezed her hand.

“Let me just say goodbye to my professor, and then we can go.” Cosima held onto Delphine's hand until the blonde was out of reach, then let her arm drop heavily back to her side. Delphine weaved through the crowd to a small group of her classmates, and Cosima's gaze turned back to Leekie. She frowned lightly, staring at his back, then set her glass down on a nearby table and left to stand by the door.

 

She was looking over work for her Biology tutoring when Delphine received the news. The half-squeal, half-shout that sounded from the bedroom where Delphine had been working startled both her and Tesla upright. The dog started barking in alarm and rushed to the door, scratching at it until Delphine opened it and pushed past him, heading straight for Cosima.

“What is it?” she asked automatically. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, Cosima,” Delphine said, grinning at her and swooping down for a hard kiss that left Cosima's head spinning briefly. “Everything is wonderful! Look!” She shoved a paper in Cosima's face, waving it around. Cosima blinked, startled, and snatched it from her before it could be pulled out of her reach again.

“What is this?” she asked, scanning over the words on the page. “DYAD? Isn't Leekie with them?”

“Yes,” Delphine replied, sitting next to her. “It's a job offer. Look, Cosima. We'll never be hurt for money again.” She pointed. The numbers on the page squeezed the air out of Cosima's lungs. “And there is a flat included. A very, very nice one.”

“This is from Leekie,” Cosima asked, frowning.

“Yes, he said he was very impressed when we were talking and wanted to off-” she cut herself off, and sat back. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” Cosima said, setting the paper on the table. “Nothing. It's a great offer.”

“Then why do you sound less than pleased?”

“Maybe you should look for something else,” Cosima said. Delphine frowned at her.

“Are you high?” she asked. “We have to take this. It's the opportunity of a lifetime, Cosima. It's what we've been waiting for.”

“I know,” Cosima replied. “I know, but... I don't like the way Leekie looks at you. Like you're a piece of meat.” Delphine sighed. “This is a really big offer for someone who hasn't even finished their doctorate yet. I mean, what does he expect you to do for this kind of money?”

“Are you implying that he only offered because he wants to sleep with me?” Delphine asked.

“No!” Cosima said quickly. “No, I'm just...” she gestured vaguely, hands circling in the air. “Worried. Okay?” Delphine was silent, her eyes boring into the side of Cosima's skull. After a moment, her gaze relaxed.

“You're jealous,” she said, and breathed out a laugh. “Oh, chérie, you don't need to be jealous. I am happily taken by a very gorgeous scientist of my own.” She turned Cosima's head for a kiss, her fingers splayed across her neck and jaw. “We have to take it. Think of the money, the nice apartment. This is what we've been working so hard for. You'll be able to focus on your own PhD now.”

“What if he threatens to fire you if you don't sleep with him?” Cosima asked, concern creasing her face.

“I won't let that happen,” Delphine said. “You know me better than anyone, Cosima. You know I won't.” Cosima sighed, and leaned into the blonde.

“I know,” she said.

“Do you know what else this means?” Delphine asked, twirling a dread absently between her fingers. Cosima hummed. “We could afford to have a child, if we wanted. In a year or two. We could start a family.”

“I _am_ happy,” Cosima said, reaching up to take Delphine's hand. “I just don't want you being used. I'm not debating your brilliance, but you're gorgeous, too, and I just don't want you being backed into a corner.”

“I won't,” Delphine promised. She kissed Cosima's head then left her on the sofa. Tesla hopped up next to her. Cosima sighed, and frowned until he licked her face.

 

Delphine spent the next two years spoiling Cosima rotten with dinners and clothes and jewellery and day trips when she didn't have class. Cosima could hardly keep up with it all. The months after Delphine's first paycheck were the most extreme. She knew Delphine felt guilty about Cosima having worked so hard for the both of them, and tried several times to tell the blonde that she didn't have to spend so much money on her, but Delphine wouldn't be dissuaded, leaving Cosima no choice but to accept the gifts she was given.

She was on the last month of her PhD when Delphine had a major breakthrough at work. Despite how much Delphine spoke about DYAD, Cosima still wasn't entirely sure what the company actually dealt with. Even Delphine didn't seem to know. It appeared to be a variety of things, with Delphine part of a small group of immunologists working on various projects, most of which were confidential. Cosima hadn't seen Delphine so happy in years, and it increased tenfold when she came rushing in the door and immediately wrapped Cosima in a hug before she'd done so much as dropped her bag or taken off her coat. Or closed the door. Tesla hopped around them, panting happily.

“Hi?” Cosima said, squeaking when Delphine squeezed her.

“I cured it,” Delphine said excitedly.

“Okay, cured what?”

“A strain of flu that has been affecting areas in Eastern Europe. DYAD has been working on it for months now and I found the cure!” She pulled away with a grin and kissed Cosima before shutting the door and shrugging her coat off.

“Babe, that's-that's great!” Cosima exclaimed, returning the blonde's smile. “Shit, that's amazing.”

“The vaccine is going to go into production next week and will start to be shipped out,” Delphine said, still smiling. Cosima closed the distance between them and pushed Delphine up against the door, and spent the night whispering her love and her pride into the other woman's skin.

 

“Let's do it,” Cosima said as Delphine's grip on her hair lessened and the blonde's breathing slowly returned to normal.

“Do what?” she asked.

“Start a family.” Delphine's eyes flashed open, instantly finding Cosima's.

“Really?” she asked. Cosima nodded and grinned. Delphine grabbed her face and pulled her back for another kiss, rolling her onto her back. “I love you,” she muttered in between kisses, her hands already travelling south.

“You are a wonderful woman, Delphine,” Cosima said. “I love you, too.”


	26. A New Start

The email came a few days later. The tone of Delphine's voice drifting through the apartment when she called Cosima's name had her dropping the spoon she was holding to stir dinner into the pot without a second thought and rushing into the other room. Delphine's face was as white as a sheet, her eyes wide. She held out a hand, gaze flicking briefly to Cosima. Her grip was vice-like. Cosima quickly rounded the desk, twisting her wrist to keep a hold of Delphine's fingers, and looked over the blonde's shoulder.

“Ten years, Cosima,” Delphine whispered without looking away from the computer screen. “Ten years with nothing, and now this.”

“How did they find it?”

“They must have seen the news story about the vaccine,” Delphine replied. “They used my name.” Cosima sighed heavily, staring at the words in front of them.

“What do you want to do?” Cosima asked. Delphine's exhale was shuddery, and when she turned her head to look at Cosima, her eyes were shiny and wet.

“I want to go back,” she said, her voice thick. Cosima pulled her hand free and tipped Delphine's head back to kiss her.

“Can you get time off next month?” she asked. Delphine nodded silently and spun her chair around to bury her face in Cosima's chest. Cosima tangled her hands in the blonde's curls and massaged the base of her skull. “I'll book the flights. Just let me wait until after exams, okay?” Delphine nodded again, and began to tremble, light sobs muffling themselves against Cosima's shirt. Cosima held her tight, and stared at the email on the monitor.

 

Cosima couldn't remember the last time she'd been so nervous. It certainly hadn't been recently. Delphine had been sick a few months previously, in bed for a week, but even then Cosima had been more worried than anxious, fussing about her like she was her mother. Now she felt like she was going to puke at any second, trembling so badly that it was hard to hand over her papers when they got to the airport, but at least she wasn't afraid of flying. Delphine's face alternated between being paler than a ghost and a sickly shade of green, and she hardly let go of Cosima unless she was forced. She had been having a hard time enough as it was recently, waking up early and worrying Cosima and Tesla both by being sick in the bathroom, even though it was normal.

The ride was agony. Delphine was sick once, and spent the time they had to wait for their connecting half asleep with her head on Cosima's lap. Ten years, Cosima thought, stroking her lover's hair. If she was honest with herself, she had given up on ever seeing her father again, at least not if she wanted to keep Delphine. She had wondered, over the years, if the two of them eloping had ruined their parent's marriage, but the email had set that fear to rest. Perhaps they'd found even more comfort in each other despite the loss of their children.

She loathed having to rouse Delphine to board the plane, wishing that she could let the blonde rest for another hour, or, two, or three, but her head lolled right back onto Cosima's shoulder when they'd settled in their seats. She didn't sleep, though. She was gripping Cosima's hand too tightly for that.

“It'll be okay,” Cosima said softly, pressing her face into Delphine's soft curls. “They want to see us.”

“I know,” Delphine replied through a sigh. “I'm still afraid. So much has changed, Cosima.”

“It's only for a week,” Cosima said reassuringly. “I can change the flight if we need to. I don't care about the fees.” Delphine nodded against her shoulder.

“Home” managed to be familiar but entirely different all at the same time. Cosima knew the streets just as well, after a moment or two of disorientation after they picked up their rental car, but some of the shops had changed. Some had grown. Others had left. Delphine didn't know the city as well as she had, but she could see the change as well. At least the house was still the same. Cosima let the car idle at the end of the drive, her and Delphine both staring at the front door. Tesla was eager to get out, squirming around in the back seat and barking every few seconds. Eventually, Cosima shut the engine off with a heavy sigh, and reached for Delphine's hand.

“Shall we?” she asked. Delphine nodded. Tesla ran straight for the door, barking happily and dancing around in front of it. It opened before Cosima could knock, leaving her standing face to face with her father with her fist raised. They stared at each other. His hair had more grey in it than Cosima remembered, his face more lined, eyes tired behind glasses Cosima never thought he'd need. Cosima swallowed over the lump in her throat. She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Marie pushing past them both and pulling Delphine into an embrace so tight Cosima heard the blonde squeak. There was rapid muttering in French, too soft and fast for Cosima to be able to understand, and tears streaking down Delphine's cheeks. Tesla was still hopping around her legs, bumping his head against John's and barking almost non-stop. John ignored him, and pulled Cosima into a hug of his own. Cosima melted against him, her eyes sliding shut.

When they finally all separated, however many minutes later, John finally bent down to pet the dog, ruffling his fur and his ears and grinning at him. Cosima wiped her eyes dry and reached out for Delphine's hand. The blonde tangled their fingers, her free hand rubbing at her face. They shuffled inside, wheeling luggage and weaving around the excited dog. There were drinks and food waiting, and god did Cosima need a glass of wine. She accepted it gratefully, lingering by the island. The silence was loud and tight, full almost to the seams with unspoken questions.

“So, what have you two been up to?” John asked. Cosima snorted out a laugh, and with it the others joined. “That's a stupid question, I know, but seriously.”

“I have a wonderful job,” Delphine answered, “but I think you know that already. That is how you found us, no?” Marie nodded, reaching out to push Delphine's hair away from her face.

“We heard your name on the television,” she said. “On the news. Dr. Delphine Cormier. I couldn't entirely believe it was you, but we looked it up and there you were. What is this DYAD?”

“They work on all sorts of projects,” Delphine replied. “There are several branches that focus on all of the different aspects. I work with a group of immunologists.”

“And you, Cosima?” Marie asked. Her hand still covered Delphine's where it rested on the counter, but her attention and gaze were focused on her. Cosima cleared her throat softly.

“I'm, uh, I don't have a job, at the moment,” she said, glancing down at her wine glass. “I just finished my PhD before we left.”

“Cosima helped put me through school,” Delphine said, her eyes full of love. Cosima smiled at her. “She could have finished her degree earlier, but she was working almost constantly so I could do mine. She has made many sacrifices for us.” Delphine set her glass down and with her now free hand reached out for one of Cosima's, squeezing it gently.

“Cosima,” John finally said, clearing his throat. “I know that words aren't really suitable, but Marie and I, we're sorry.” Cosima drained her glass to gather her composure, and nodded. “And we're proud of you. Both of you.” Delphine wiped at her eyes, and shared a glance with Cosima. Her hand lingered by her stomach.

“We have... something to tell you, too,” Cosima said, and met Delphine's eyes. The blonde's head tipped slightly.

“Maman,” she said, taking a deep breath. “John. We're... I'm pregnant.” Cosima held her breath in the silence that followed, her stomach tight with nervousness, but then Marie's eyes watered, and she pulled Delphine into another embrace. She felt John's arm wrap around her shoulder, pulling her against his side. Tesla padded in from the other room to sit at her feet. Cosima glanced around, and let the grin that was pulling at her lips spread across her face.


End file.
